Help, I’m a bit stuck :(
Submitted June 11, 2020, 9:32 p.m. by gin_and_teaFor context: I have ADHD and am autistic.
I got really upset and lost my temper yesterday when two female friends in our WhatsApp group posted a puerile anti-JKR meme. I knew it was only a matter of time before it happened as they’re both yaaas-kween libfems but our group was always a place where we shared harmless memes about dogs and whatnot so I naively hoped it wouldn’t come up.
I can’t cope with confrontation so rather than challenge it I impulsively removed myself from the group and then deleted the group entirely. Shortly afterwards they both messaged me separately to ask if I was ok and one tried phoning me. I replied with ‘no not really but please let’s leave it at that. I need to go off grid’. Friend A (a former colleague who I’m not particularly close to but knows about my diagnoses) responded with acceptance and didn’t ask any further questions. Friend B (a current colleague who I am much closer to but doesn’t know about my diagnoses) responded saying that it wasn’t fair of me to leave her worrying about me.
I really wish I’d walked away from my phone because by rashly deleting the group I drew attention to myself, which I absolutely did not want.
Now I feel stupid because sooner or later I will need to reply to her and I won’t know what to say. I don’t want to explain why the JKR meme upset me or why I deleted the group and I definitely don’t want to disclose my diagnoses. My communication difficulties have made me an extremely private person and I find talking about anything personal quite distressing.
I know this makes me sound like a total coward but my mental health is poor and I want to forget about the whole thing. What can I possibly say that won’t lead to her asking more questions?
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you could simply say you’ve been having some problems with social media, and you want to cut back a little bit and focus on yourself and some screen-free hobbies. that’s a good way to defuse any situations, and plus it’s just a good idea in general (keeps the memes fresh when you don’t see them 24/7 lol)
I’ve already used that explanation once before. I started responding to fewer messages a few weeks ago as the stress of homeworking was really getting to me, and disabled all my notifications so I’m quite conscious that my rash exit looks like a flounce. That said, I’ve had insomnia all week so I’m considering pinning it on that.
oh that’s smart too. like i deleted a couple text apps because i was always too afraid of missing out on conversations so i stayed up way too late lurking instead of sleeping.
I’ve replied with my insomnia explanation but as per fucking usual I’ve overshared. I think I’d rather not have friends.
I mean you don't owe anyone an explanation. It might be hard but you can just say I'm sorry that you were worried, that's not my intention, but that was my decision and I don't have to explain why to you. It's really unfair of HER to guilt trip you like that. That's not ok. You have a right to have boundaries. You have a right to make your own decisions.
That’s exactly what I thought when I saw her response.
Sounds like you've got some good instincts then :)
Thank you ❤️
If I were you I'd consider silencing or blocking the "feiend" that won't accept your answer. You don't owe her anything.
I think if the way I feel now is how I felt the other day I probably would have, but I actually replied yesterday with my insomnia explanation.
I'm a gender critical radical feminist and as such I agree with JRK. I don't like conflict, so when I saw the conversation criticizing JKR I decided to remove myself from the group.
In my attempt to avoid conflict I ended up drawing more attention to myself, which was not my intent. Sorry for the confusing signals.
I mean, that would literally be saying "I'm a TERF and don't want the confrontation about it."