Why are so many black women obsessed with black men?
Submitted June 17, 2020, 8:56 a.m. by _AnnairdA_I really just dont understand...is it just me or does it seem like a lot of black women are just obsessed with black men? I understand that women in general (no matter the race) have been conditioned to please men, but it just seems like the majority of black women take it to another level.
A lot of us ( I know not every black woman) will sacifice their daughters safety, other womens lives, even themselves for a man. Look at the statisitcs of sexual assault we have...the majority of us will be sexually assaulted before the age of 18 and everytime I say this black people just ignore it or use the," Your bitter" card. I couldnt even have a conversation about it in another subreddit without black women trying to gaslight me about it and call me bitter.
This black girl posted a video about how she was sharing a man basically, he hit her, put another woman over her several times, and she says shes still "friends" with him, instead of putting the blame where it belonged and blaming him she was talking about the other girl the entire video trying to clown her. She even said that she will show a picture of the other girl and was saying how ugly she is...mind you the situation she was talking about happened 4 years ago. In the comments she would get an attitude about anyone asking why shes still "friends" with someone that treated her like that and is bashing the other girl.
I commented on her video and asked why shes so upset at the other girl, but not her ex boyfriend that was supposed to be faithful for her. She just kept making excuses ans then tried to drag me...an internet stranger over a man that didnt care about her. I asked where is all the forgiveness for the other girl and basically said she sounds desperate for his attention she told me to go to hell...all of that for a man that doesnt even like her? Seriously? I wasnt even upset I was just getting second hand embarassment from her commenting. How does that make sense in her mind?
The weird part about it is that kind of behavior is normal in the black community. Most black woman want to take all of their anger and frustrations out on other black women and make excuses for black men. Why are the collective of black women just so crazy over black men..it doesnt make any sense to me...
All of these black women marching risking losing their lives, some of them are losing their lives over men that dont even care about them, but when I say something about it I get called bitter. This is one backwards ass community. Im really tired of seeing this shit.
Honestly, the film Precious is almost biographical for some black women. My mother is a huge pickme too, but thankfully her religious hangups made it so that after she left my dad, she never went out dating or bringing random men home around us.
I know way too many black kids (both male and female) who were molested right under their mother's nose, and often with her knowledge. Mothers getting angry at her abused children for "taking my man away from me" is a real thing. They see their young daughters as competition for their pedo moids attention and affections.
This isn't a black woman thing, it honestly happens across the board. It's just a desperate, lowlife, hit rock bottom and I'll cling to any man who looks at me twice type of thing. I only feel sad for any children they have.
Im specifically talking about black women right now. We have one of the highest amounts of sexual assault and domestic violence races. Its higher than white women, so yes it is a huge problem in the black community.
I'm black myself, I didn't mean to minimize the issue. I'm just saying this is kind of thing is endemic to women who fit a certain kind of socioeconomic/cultural profile. You see a similar pattern in white trailer trash communities and how those moms similarly allow their children to be abused by their moid bfs.
My point was that black people/women aren't more susceptible to these behaviours bc they're black. It's a perfect storm of cultural and individual norms that contribute to it.
Yeah, but I'm not talking about other races of women. I'm talking about black women. And actually we are more susceptible to abuse (sexual and physical abuse) because we're black. Statisitcs already show this. Please stay on topic.
Sigh. We're talking about two entirely different things. If you want to understand why I think this distinction is important, it's in my "how moids are able to live with themselves" post.
I know this probably wasn't your intention, but "racializing" certain behavioural patterns is exactly what moids to, although for different reasons. All I'm saying is that you'll find similar abuse patterns in other demographics with similar socioeconomic and cultural contexts.
Black women aren't more susceptible to this because we're black is all I'm saying. Our race doesn't contribute to our behaviours. It's pretty dangerous to go down that path. I don't even think that's what you were saying, but I wanted to make that clear for anyone reading this. None of this detracts from the statement you made.
Im deleting this because I cant with the dishonesty.
I’m not black but... could it be due to the generational trauma from slavery? As in the community as a whole has accepted a more violent expression of the issues that show up in more repressed ways in other groups ? As a culturally white (half Native American but raised by very whites parents) I can see shades of this pick me stick up for the man at all costs behavior from my adoptive mom. Fortunately my adoptive dad was anything but violent. She excused male violence as always being the woman’s fault, put men on pedestal, and essentially acted like a child in a grown woman’s body. She came from a poor family in Appalachia where EXTREME physical and sexual abuse was an inter generational thing. Fortunately she knew enough to not perpetuate the abuse, but the dependence on men was always there.
So could it be generational trauma makes these behaviors worse? The African American community just happens to represent a large group of people with this kind of issue rather than the one off you’ll find in other groups
I could be wrong, but Im assuming your a white woman. A lot of the men in your community protect white women. In my community black women arent protected at all right now we're expected to go to these protest, march and put our lives on the line for black men. Meanwhile the majority of these same men a lot of black women are fighting for are kidnapping us during these protest, raping,murdering us, and no one cares.
As a black women myself, I noticed that its really about loyalty. And also, i have heard that black men can relate to them more on topics and situations, like the lifestyle is similar(if that makes sense..). Another thing to notice is the competition is fierce. Many black men are incarcerated or dating a non-black women. There is 1 black man for every 3 black women. So at the end of the day there is not enough for everyone. Black women don't want to open their options either. For me, I dont want a black baby, because i know they are going to experience racism and hardships( there are a lot of kids that need to be adopted anyway).
They like macho men. Black guys often look more macho than other races. Donald Glover said no black woman would have him because he was little and geeky.
Also they do basic shit like wash, dress themselves and take pride in their appearance which many men don't.
It's also not really a black women thing. I know plenty of women of other races who will only have black boyfriends.
The trouble black women have is their culture is that it's their responsibility to save a relationship and keep the family together no matter what which is actually quite unusual in the west. White women will usually break up at the first instance of cheating or run out and stay with their mother if there's an argument.
Well I dont know if your another race, but Im specifially talking about black women and the collective of us have an obsession with black men. Its a sterotype that black men in general are "macho" a lot of them really arent. I think other races just see dark skin as masculine so black men automatically get told that their masucline.
To keep it real a lot of them are very feminine. A lot of them will hide behind their mothers,beat up other women,gaslight black womens experiences and play the victim. Other women having only black boyfriends is just them feitizing black men, which has nothing to do with the conversation. Im talking specifically about black women right now, not other races of women.
I'm a white woman from Eastern Europe so maybe my observation is not very accurate but I've been watching this black woman on youtube who's often criticizing black men for dating outisde their race and degrading dark skin women and I find it interesting how the end goal of this is never "hey let's segragate and stop fucking black men since they treat us like shit" but instead it is "they treat us like shit so let's try to minimize the impact of colorism and promote dark skin models in order for black men to find us attractive". She makes these videos on how to be feminine which I see as nothing more than some petty competition with non black women.
I just don't get it. This is part of the reason why I think women globally will never be able to achieve liberation. Black women are the group that has suffered and has been degraded by bm more than any other group of women at least in these modern times in the US and you would think that there would be some big radfem movement of bw but there is none? So why would I expect white women who can have some benefits from the patriarchy to rebel against the system when even black women who experience humiliation and betrayal by their men won't do it .
Like 98% of women are attracted to men and want kids, they want them to change, going celibate will never be their goal. Though men won't ever change that much.
"hey let's segragate and stop fucking black men since they treat us like shit" but instead it is "they treat us like shit so let's try to minimize the impact of colorism and promote dark skin models in order for black men to find us attractive"
Sounds like a libfem approach: instead of get ting rid of what hurts, they try to find ways to please men even more. It's like a Fear to be really indépendant
I dont agree with that. We want promotion not just for black men, but for us. Other races of women get to be promoted so why cant we? Also we want positive promotion instead of the sterotypical baby mama, side chick and jezebel roles we commonly see associated with darkskinned women.
The positive promotion were getting is also good for young darkskinned girls. Colorism plays a part in this aa well and a lot of darkskinned girls are told that were not as attractive as our lightskinned counterparts. Why do you have a problem with us being promoted in the first place?
Where did I say anything about promotion ? The quote I mentioned is an example that the mindset is still réformist and libfem approach:trying to prove to men that you are worthy of respect.call it "" promotion "" if you want but it is not radical to beg men to respect you. You are attacking me and putting words in my mouth for no reason smh. I have no problem, réformism will always be trash in my eyes no matter the groups that goes that route.
Im not attacking you at all I dont even know you. A lot of you white feminist dont want darkskinned black women to be positively promoted and try to hide behind it calling it "libfem" as if being promoted is a bad thing. Theres nothing wrong with darkskinned black women wanting to be promoted. We're starting to be promoted in a positve way and I love it. Seems like your just upset that were starting to be showed in a positive light and the attention is not all on you anymore.
And again I never talked about promotion but réformism and how "baby steps" are not enough in my eyes. But I guess that if you just want to make it about me being jealous and irrational and all those ad hominem then go for it I guess 🤷♀️
Women regardless of race are not being presented in a positive light at all I don't know what you're talking about? Dark skinned models and actresses are only going to help you with being considered more attractive than usual and that's it. I'm not mad at it I just don't consider it as something life-changing. Positive promotion would be representing women who are getting degrees, contributing to this society, making some sort of pos impact on women's rights. These women are not represented or celebrated by the media.
I think you missed the point of my comment. Where did you get the idea that I'm mad or have problem with darkskinned women being promoted? Your internalized misogyny jumped out here. All I'm saying is - it is not going to change your position in society that much. You're just going to get the same level of objectification as non-black women. The only major change would be that men would start finding you more attractive and if that's something you aspire to achieve okay but I have no idea why you're on this sub then.
This whole masculine/feminine thing is also bullshit. Like one comment said, this really reminds me of those libfem positivity movements where they try to force men to start liking a certain group of women like plus sized, disabled etc. Instead of rejecting that idea of beauty standards and objectification you're mad that you're not a part of it? LOL
No, your trying to gaslight me and act like theres something wrong with black women wanting to be promoted. You can sit here and act like you want the best for "all women" and hide behind that fake women empowerment bs but I see through the bs. Theres nothing wrong with darkskinned black women wanting positive feminine promotion. So you can sit here and pretend like Im dickdumb and crazy for wanting positive promotion all you want to. Your upset because the focus isnt all on you anymore, Karen.
Yeah I'm so upset that men might start fetishizing darkskinned women too :// Slay queen! Show us Karens that you can be just as fuckable as white women! We're just jealous bitches
Who is the youtuber? Theres been black women youtubers that have preached to black women to expand our options and not limit ourselves to just black men.
Black women have been creating feminity videos because from a young age were put in a very masculine position. Me, along with many other black women had our childhoods stripped from us and expected to act like adults before the age of 10. I was bullied in middle school, and high school for wearing dresses, wearing makeup, carrying named brand bags to school. I was discouraged and sometimes I still Iam from being feminine as an adult. A lot of other black women and men will be passive aggressive when a black girl is prissy and girly.
I don’t think they’re going to be able to wrap their heads around the positive promotion sis. They don’t know what it’s like to be put in a position of “head strong” from birth. To no be afforded the same protection as any other woman because you aren’t seen as an actual woman. To not be able to walk away from a fight without being called week. To not be allowed to be dainty, classy, or meek because you’re a “strong black woman”. It’s not about wanting to be more attractive to men and they don’t get that. Men find us attractive trust me Ebony is a huge tag in porn. It’s about wanting our little girls to see that yes they can be beautiful, yes they can wear pink, yes they can be the damsel in distress, and yes they can care about their looks like every other woman. It’s about telling them that they don’t have to be the bitter baby momma, they don’t have to be the superwoman that does it all alone, they don’t have to be fat and ghetto, and they don’t have to be prostitutes or drug addicts. They aren’t going to get it because they’ve never had to live through it. It’s not even men watching these dark skin promotional videos it’s our little girls.
Im deleting this because white women are just making shit up and trying to gaslight and manipulate me into believing that wanting positive promotion is wrong. Im not stupid. I know what your doing.
lol I assume that you yourself must never do anything nice for yourself out of fear that your letting yourself be controlled by the patriarchy? I literally can feel like shit and decide to take a nice hot bath, do a face mask, and doll myself up and feel better. Why? It’s called self care. You don’t have to like the feeling of pampering yourself but that doesn’t mean that those of us who do have to be brainwashed or whatever the hell else. No ones concerned about being sexy trust me. I literally could look like shit and still get male attention because scrotes don’t actually care about looks (hence the reason “beautiful” women often get cheated on with “ugly” ones) they care about pussy. Also you ignored a lot of what I said just to pin prick the part you didn’t like. I don’t have to care about your opinion because i’m not going to change mine so I won’t be responding after this. Have a good day.
What are you even talking about? Your just talking to talk now. If you dont care then you wouldnt have even commented....
Lol at “self care”. I don’t lie to myself even when I do these beauty rituals. Because that’s what they are at the end of the day.
They do wrap their heads around it they just dont care. They want to say how I'm trying to "please men" by wanting positive promotion for darkskinned girls. Their gaslighting because they dont want us to have positive promotion.
A white girl on here go upvoted for trying to mock black women after I said something she didnt want to hear. Im not surprised though reddit is full of racist white people that act like their not racist.
5 star analysis. Black women are by far the most degraded human on Earth. Rather than lead the liberation movement. We play the role of the biggest clown.
Black women are loyal dogs. That's all. Attached to their dads, brothers, beaters etc. Black women stay through some tough stuff whereas other women just disappear. We also have alot of pride. As though the more we take the better that makes us. We have issues. We need therapy.
There are probably many factors found in black culture, but as a nonblack person looking at it from the outside, I think it might have to do with the extremely high rates of fatherlessness. it's so secret that women without stable households grow up with "daddy issues" and it probably manifests in male obsession and self degradation. they look for a father figure in other black men because their own fathers didn't raise them or care for them. it probably branches out into a plethora of other issues, and it doesn't help that black men aren't exactly model citizens lol. it's sad but unfortunately women like that will never learn
black women are programmed and dickmatized. they have been made to perpetuate their own sexual and social slavery. not to mention many out of sight factors, black women suffer from the same mentality as black men fiending and fishing for dick and money.
they’ve made black women INTO THEM AND ITS FUCKIN WACK.
sb: white women shouldn’t be giving insight. just my opinion.
Right. I dont even know why their even commenting at this point.
Jesus Christ we have no safe spaces. I cant even speak out about black issues without being gaslighted everywhere. This World really hates black women.
Op posted in a sub that has women of all races, unless they are bring outright disrespectful or racist,I don't see any problem with them commenting.
racism aside., I cannot relate to white womens issues besides being of the same species.
I mean of course you dont because your white. It doesnt make any sense for a white woman to try to talk about a black womans experiences but yall are trying to do it anyway and gaslight me in the process.
I deleted the post anyway. I cant with the, "all lives matter" bs. Ill just go to a platform for black women, so shit like this doesnt happen.
Black women have low self esteem. They don’t think anyone but a black man would ever like them enough to treat them well, so they cling to black men for dear life no matter how poorly black men treat them.
Black men know that’s what it is and that’s why they treat Black women like garbage. They know these women aren’t going anywhere no matter what they do.
They can do whatever they want. They can make songs calling black women ugly, insult them as parents even though most raise their kids all alone, they can beat the shit out of them and even kill them(google domestic violence stats among black women), make fun of what their vaginas look like, they can brag about how much better they think white and Hispanic women are, and they can even convince black women to go march in the streets on their behalf while they kidnap them and kill them at the protests. Still Black women aren’t going anywhere.
I stopped feeling sorry for them a long time ago. They like where they’re at and they like babying grown men. If they didn’t enjoy it they wouldn’t keep doing it. If they thought they were worth more than this, this wouldn’t be what they choose to keep doing. Let lost black women stay lost because they’ll only get pissed off at you if you try to get them to wake up and smell the roses. They’re better off alone but to them any man is better than none. Pathetic.
Most black men want black women to go away and leave them alone. They do everything in their power to get them to fuck off for good and stop bothering them but black women pretend they don’t see that, because that means they’ll have to get a life and a personality that doesn’t revolve around pointless black male activism. They don’t know who the fuck they are outside of that.
Your right a lot of black women don't have a personality and all they do is obsess over black men all day. I would not care, but it affects the black women that dont mammy and baby black men. If we publicly come out and say we dont and we want a man that makes more than us mammies out of the blue want to "humble" us and will try to destroy everything we have. Its sick.
Yeah you see how mad they got when b Simone said she only wants to date entrepreneurs 🤣
Omg yes. Khia's busted ass came out of nowhere talking about how shes going to drag b simone for saying that. She needs to worry about her mini van and paying her phone bill on time instead of B simone.