I was just casually re reading my own comments (as one does at 3am) and ended up going back about a year ago. I saw my own comment on that infamous AskReddit post that was along the lines of "Has anyone ever regretted being transgender?" where I happened to be the 2nd top comment.

I spent over an hour writing a carefully constructed summary of me and my detrans story. It received 8 awards and 5k upvotes before the moderators shadowbanned the entire thread.

And I know it's old news by now, and that the OP was able to re post and his new thread got even more attention than the first, but to this day I am still so dismayed that Reddit decided to silence that thread. I have seen it mentioned both here and in WatchRedditDie, and most people seem to think that thread was extremely eye opening, thought provoking, and insightful. "So rare to see a Reddit thread be this open and respectful to multiple sides of a coin."

Anyways I'm still mad that it got taken down. I'll probably die mad about it, but... just once. Just ONCE it felt good to be seen by people from all over Reddit. Not that I don't love this sub and the support it offers, but sometimes I wish we were more able to reach others with our experiences. A lot of people don't even think we exist, especially the people who I think need to hear what we have to say the most. Just sad.

When I first “came out as ftm” it felt liked everyone wanted me to prove it. I am such a stubborn person and it felt like I couldn’t back down because then I would lose credibility as a whole person, I would be ridiculed for being wrong, people in the trans community always saying “nobody would just pretend to be trans! “ while congratulating me for being my “authentic self” I really felt at 14 years old that I had made this decision and there was no going back. And that makes me sad. I wish that kids could get support when they are questioning their gender identity, not just someone to rush them along quickly to their “destiny” ...questioning gender falls in there with “what is the meaning of life?” I feel it is very normal to try to understand ourselves. I didn’t need testosterone, I just needed a philosophy class i think, lol. I needed to know it’s okay to question things and be curious about everything. Being curious doesn’t mean to automatically change the chemistry of my body. In short, if we were less transphobic of a society, and could have open conversations about the complexity of human nature, it would balance out I think.

Is this a healthy way to deal, or is it just more disassociation, and identity issues? Has anyone felt this way?

Hi. Haven’t posted for a few months but I’ve officially ended my social and medical transition. I socially transitioned when I was 13/14. I started taking testosterone when I was fifteen and stopped a month before I turned nineteen.

So far is been a rollercoaster. I pass easily now and most people don’t notice which I’m very lucky for. My voice is an indicator but after a couple months of voice lessons, I’ve had progress. The hormones are discombobulating. I’m so emotional on top of everything else in my life. I missed out on most of my formative teenage girl experiences so I feel like a fourteen year old girl trying to handle nineteen year old girl issues. it’s hard.

Most everyone in my life now know that I’m detrans. A lot of people didn’t know I was trans in the first place and thought I was an effeminate gay man (lmao). it’s been a few months filled with weird conversations but my parents and friends have been so accommodating; it’s really great.

Yesterday I went on my first date since presenting female again. It felt so fucking amazing to be a pretty girl on a date and to feel somewhat normal.

Near the end I told him. It confused him and I don’t really think he understood. It made things awkward and kind of ruined the date. He later told me he was very surprised which was a major confidence boost because it’s felt so obvious to me lately. He texted me after and said he wasn’t interested in a relationship which I figure is because I told him I’m detrans.

After I got home I cried quite a bit. I feel like I’ll always have this shameful past I have to explain to people. I feel unlovable because of all the trauma I’ve accumulated before and during my transition. It’s very easy to feel alone in this. I knew trans people when I first transitioned and had so much encouragement. Now I have to learn how to be a girl all by myself and it’s so intimidating and full of grief. I just wish I could feel normal.

Even though I didn’t medically transition, I feel like my body has been betrayed. My short hair. My more masculine walk now. The hair on my legs and armpits, the way I trained myself not to smile on photos, the way I was training my voice to be more lower. The way everyone ar school calls me Wil. Calls me he/they, the fact everyone knows me as Wil even my teachers and librarians. What the tuck have I done. Even my mom knows me as trans and pushing me to be my “authentic self” I hate it I hate that I did this. It’s all my fault. I feel like I’m multiple people at once (not DID) and like I’m being torn apart. I don’t know what to do. How do I learn to see myself as a girl again?

Ive made many posts on these subreddits before but i need help again... sorry for the long inarticulate post but please please read.

Im 18, pre everything, very masculine (6’4, deep voice,hairy, rugged face, size 13 shoes) in my last year of high school and dealing with crippling dysphoria. Im constantly suicidal and lookin at any part of my body makes me dysphoric. I even have nightmares about it. Its been this intenese since february and everything i have tried proved to be useless. I Sob every day before school and getting through a school day is brutal. It doesnt help that im surrounded by tiny 5’4 cis teenage girls. When im not having panic attacks and sobbing, i feel extremely depressed. I have a hard time imagining a life for myself. Im not gonna make it to 20. and i dont want to. This year is very difficult because of exams, drivers license, getting ready for college all while dealing with dysphoria.

I will have to move to college in another country and eventually work. but i cant even go outside without having panic attacks. How am i supposed to work for myself if looking in the mirror makes pe have panic attacks. The “trapped in my body” cliche is very true in my case. I dont want to have to work some job i hate just to pay for some surgeries that wont even help my tall body.

I’ve always wanted to be an artist but i cant create anything in this state.

I’ll have to give my dreams up and work something that will only contribute to my misery. All this assuming i wont end my life.

I won’t ever look feminine or pass. as much as i tried to lie to myself, thats just the truth. Idk how to deal with that.

FFS is impossible for me because i wont have that kind of money in the next 10 years. Even if i get surgeries, im extremely tall and my bones are huge. I hate to say this but im terrified of being a non passing trans woman. and that’s obviously what will happen. Should i just accept that transitioning wont help me and live this way? its mysery regardless.

What makes me feel even more hopeless is reading about people who have transitioned and feel even worse. why even try then?

I honestly dont know who I am anymore.

i just want to be a regular person.

I NEED trans women (preferably older) to talk to and to guide me. please DM me.

Also, if there are any detransitioners or people who chose not to transition please PM me as well. I want to know how you managed to live in spite of dysphoria. But dont choose transphobic language to try and discourage me (it’s happened before.).

I hate the pressure to tell people your pronouns or to have a solid gender identity! I feel entirely disconnected from the idea of gender identity. I'm quite feminine and understand that I fit into the social category of "girl" but I don't feel any deep connection to the nebulous concept of womanhood, nor to a particular set of pronouns. I'm not agender or anything, just a person with a female body. People can perceive me how they like. Why is that so hard for people to understand?

I'm currently questioning my transition and am very unsure of a lot of things. I'm in a position where my lack of hormones since stopping (Nov 2020) are destroying my mental health (I'm also on birth control which doesn't help). My psychiatrist recommended I start HRT (again) to better manage my disorders (OCD, BPD) since hormones possess, as he called it "anti-obsessive" qualities. He gave me a choice of one or the other but I opted to try testosterone gel again because I hate my femininity. I started a few days ago but I'm still so unsure of it. I don't want to be on hormones forever but I want to present androgynously / more masculine feminine (if that makes sense). I don't know if it's internalised misogyny or if it's the fact I don't want to stop out of spite because of how unsupportive and disgusting my family were towards me about transitioning. I'm scared to continue HRT, and I have so many identity issues I just don't know what the right choice is. My anxiety is out of control like I have to make a choice immediately.

I also worry about the effect this would have on my boyfriend. I know he loves me and tries his best to understand, but I think he prefers the masculine aspect of me. He had a really hard time accepting and adjusting to me identifying as "non-binary." I feel like an indecisive fraud and I don't even know what I REALLY want.

Why was I so SURE of myself in August 2019 when I started? I threw myself in the deep end and was on it until November 2020. Why am I so unsure of myself now?

I also thought about identifying as trans in health clinics and having examinations done on AFAB folk (pelvic exams etc.) and the thought of being a man and having that stuff done truly terrifies me. It's more uncomfortable than the thought of having it done identifying as a woman. I had a thought it might make me feel safer and lower chances of discrimination. I'm a chronic overthinker and incredibly anxious, I'm just looking for some advice. I don't want to be a woman, but I don't want to be a man, and being non-binary just confuses people. At this point it just feels like life would just be easier if I was a cis woman.

I was diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria (GD for short) but realized after becoming envious of women that going on T to look like a man was not the answer. I wasn't on T long so I don't have many long term effects but GD was very hard for me to deal without T. Is there anyone who has GD and instead of transitioning found an alternative outside of T? I really don't want to become plagued by GD again, so I really need to find an alternative/coping mechanisms.

Uggggh! I bought the skirt I've wanted for so long, and now that it arrived I find out it's waaaay too big, I bought a size 8 and now I realize I should have bought a size 4, fml. Now I gotta pay to get it fixed.

Pro tip for the future: Don't be lazy and go to try on things at the store if you haven't bought in that place before.

So I’m mtf have been transitioning about 3 years, a little less than two years on E. I have thoughts of detransitioning sometimes, usually in periods of bad mental health. I don’t know if it’s something I actually want to go through with though or if I’m just bitter with the trans community. I went the informed consent route but only because I couldn’t afford to continue seeing my therapist at the time who I was seeing for a letter and informed consent was more accessible. I do have dysphoria. I’ve felt ostracized every time I’ve interacted with the trans community. I find the community frustrating to say the least and I wonder if I question myself because I’m not trans or because I just don’t relate to the bullshit spewed by the community. Overall I’m much happier living as a woman and the thought of going back is horrible to me but I wonder if I’m just going to cause myself more pain in the long run. I don’t know and this seems like the only place I wouldn’t get immediately banned for posting this.

It’s been almost 3 weeks since I come off hormones (was on for 3 months). And half the days I still feel like hell. No energy, nausea, dizzy, dissociating . I went to the hospital and they said my levels (other than hormones) were fine, and now it’s just a waiting game for my testosterone to go back to normal. This sucks :/

Hey all! Title is pretty self explanatory, I work in retail and my managers announced today that we're all going to be wearing pronoun and language pins which I'm fine with if others choose to, but personally I would like to opt out because it makes me uncomfortable.

I consider myself pretty secure-ish with my bio sex but the sort of forced awkward acknowledgement of it with pins displaying to the world makes me a bit dysphoric as a FtMtF individual, and I feel like it would open me up to discrimination from customers since I'm gnc. I just don't want my managers to make assumptions about me and I don't really like being super public about my dysphoria unless it's to other detrans people or friends.

How could I go about this politely to my managers without giving them my life story? Has anyone been made uncomfortable by something similar? Please don't tell me just to write they/them I'd like to just not wear a pin at all, thanks!

I was watching a movie last night that had an almost entirely female cast. There was one leading male but he was hardly the true focus. This movie also featured women of a bunch of different ages and looks (though all were thin and most were white). As i was watching, I just kept thinking about how beautiful women are. I'm a lesbian so it's not unheard of for me to have this thought :] But it just really struck me then and there that females, when they're not being pinned like dead butterflies and put on display for the male gaze, are so incredibly beautiful. And, I don't know, something kind of clicked into place for me there. Like, i had the thought that I'm beautiful too because I am also female.

I've been off of T for several months. I've been considering myself detrans and a lesbian for just a hair longer than that. For all this time though, I've avoided any other labels and just sat in the unchangeable knowledge that I'm female. That's that with no need for anything else cause all that gender bullshit is just obsessive distraction. But last night, I just sat there and thought "I am a woman". It was a neutral thought. Nothing negative or even positive accompanied it. It was just a statement. It didn't even click for me for a while and then i was like "oh wait. I AM a woman". And i felt positively about it for the first time in so so so long. I didn't correct myself with "no, you're a man" or even "don't worry about all that. You're female and that's enough". There is nothing you need to do to be a woman. And that's freeing to me. I don't have to have long hair or wear make up or even "pass". I am a woman because I am female, and even though I pumped my head full of poison for ten years and injected my body with poison for 2, none of that changes anything. I was born female and i will die female. It's everything in between those two states that matters. I am alive now.

Yes, I regret the things i did to myself and to my friends and family while i masqueraded as a man. But through that all I was never actually a man. I was just as female then as I am now. I'm not sure if anyone else can relate, but thinking about that is beautiful to me. I can just be and that is enough. I've poured so much time and energy into passing, into hating my body, into policing and gaslighting myself for ten years, and now a bitch is tired. I feel like I've shed a thousand pounds and I'm free at last.

I am a woman, wild and free. I'm masculine, i can grow a beard, i wear men's clothes, i fuck women, i still get called "young man" by beautiful old women at the grocery store, but none of that fucking matters is the thing. I'm still female. I'm still a woman.

And that is so fucking wonderful.

Hi everyone, is there any sort of timeline of what things to expect when going off of testosterone? I'm 11 months in and considering taking a break, already done so twice, but only for a short time. Now I'm thinking about quitting for good. I'm still unsure, but I wanna try and see how it goes. So I'm asking what changes I can expect to happen first

I want to apologize in advance if this post might come of as offensive, if it does then please let me know and I'll edit or take off certain things from it and if it does not abide by the rules. I read them but i struggle to understand vague(for me vague means not overly detailed) explainations .

I am currently questioning my decision to transition.

At 15 I realized I was trans and was hell-bent on transitioning but now im second guessing it . I know that transition won't make me any happier or take away the self hatred towards my body or at least not entirely. I am 17 now (FtM)

My main issue is the money , I could do anything else with them instead of surgeries and cross hormones and the thought that I would go through all of that and choose to detransition later is terrifying. I have no problem with the forever lasting effects of my choice but rather the time and money put on all of it

I currently do not want to create my own way of being a girl nor accept my body , nor be perceived as a girl by the people around me. At least for now. What the future brings is still unknown and im open to the idea that one day i might change my mind.

It hit me tonight and started wondering after a very heavy discussion with my mom . She said that "if you do such things to yourself (unrelated to transition) then could you love yourself if you become a guy physically?" And that got me to wonder if I'm putting too much effort into it just to later realize that I'm just as unhappy.

So my main question is : are there any early signs that what I'm going through is a phrase?

[removed]

This is sort of a vent piece and a cautionary tale of social transition, Trigger warnings for sexual abuse (nothing explicit) and suicidal thoughts (In passing)

When i was six, I went through a severe trauma of a mother of a friend abusing me. I never told anyone about this until recently. Then when I was twelve I was abused by a woman teacher sexually. Afterwards, my friend who I will name as Adam came out to me as transgender. I didn’t really know what that meant at the time. I had never met a transgender person. So I went home and looked it up, and suddenly, I had the answer to all my problems, since I was repressing what was happening to me with my past sexual trauma, I was transgender.

After sometime I met a friend group of all trans people, including someone who taught me what non binary was. One person in particular, later ended up online sexually abusing me, who let’s call Nem. Nem was transgender, and uses xe/nem. All of this caused me to believe my feelings about my body, my periods, my discomfort with the places they all touched or violated, was dysphoria. It was not. Regardless, from sixth grade on I began ID’ing as a trans boy. I began craving T, wrongfully, and craved binding. About a year later I came out to my GNC mother. At first she was hesitant, and told me it’s a social contagion. I was 13. I didn’t believe her, no, she was wrong! She wasn’t. So I told my therapist, who instantly told me Yes I am trans, my trauma has nothing to do with this. Fast forward and I read about a man named Walt Heyer, a detrans man, and it made me realize Maybe I was not. I joined a detrans server, and I cut off my trans friends. I was shortly after diagnosed with PTSD and OCD by my doctor. But as my mental health dipped, I began wondering wether being trans was truly going to make me happier. So I left the server and perused full transition. I came out to my family formally, to which my mom, who as a kid passed as male and pretended to be male, embraced this time and encouraged, my grandma was hesitant though. I diced my hair off completely, bought all boys clothes, began wearing exclusively sports bras, stopped wearing makeup, and even told my new high school to call me Wil in private and that I plan to transition. I was so absorbed in being trans. I was ready to buy a binder. My closest friends were all trans, even all my irl friends. I began slacking off on my hobbies, began feeling disconnected from my own identity as a person, even to a point I began worrying I had no personality. I was obsessed with passing, and being trans enough. I had taken every warning my detrans friends gave me, and tossed them out a window. And that was a huge mistake. My depression got so much worse. My friends are toxic and encouraging this. My school thinks I’m trans. My OCD got much stronger. My mama was fine with me wearing he/him pins and rainbow masks and I painted my shoes the trans flag. I came out to everyone. My best friend is non binary as well, which didn’t help. I began having suicidal thoughts thinking I was never going to live as a girl. I was a broken girl. I’m a boy, after all. But I’m not. I’m never going to be a boy. Last night I in a breakdown, realized I am in fact trans. I want to desist. I want to stop being a boy. I felt trapped being a boy, and craved to be a girl. A home maker. The only club I participated in was the LGBTQ club and I felt so disconnected I began splitting my personality, compartmentalizing who I am based on what I was doing (not alters, but unhealthy disassociation of self) it was bad. I was trying to get my parents to let me get T.

And I’m saying this all, to A, say, that social transition can very well ruin your life too, though it’s more reversible then medical, I still would not advise it. And definitely not medical. B, im desisting. I am Lisa, I am now 15, free of all my abusers, and tomorrow I’m wearing a dress, and buying a wig. I am a girl. A girl with an identity. My personality.

I'm a teenager and I identified as a trans male for a few years, then identifying as nonbinary, and now I'm unpacking and dissecting a lot of internalized misogyny.

I haven't taken any steps to medically transition, as I'm a minor and hormones and surgery aren't available to me, but I've been identifying as not female since about 10 years old and everyone around me knows.

I don't really know if I'm still nonbinary or if I'm actually female, but I want to find out. I'm uncomfortable with she/her pronouns, and the word girl. I'm okay with female or young lady, but the word girl just doesn't sit right with me.

I've never liked boys, I can't imagine myself with a boy, I've always been way more interested in girls, and recently I've been identifying as a lesbian and I think that allowed me to see girls as diverse beautiful human beings instead of dumb bimbos with shallow interests.

My mom always shits on other women for liking makeup, shopping, or any other traditionally female interest and refers to women as "females" which rubs me the wrong way. She'll say "most females don't know shit about cars" and just the other day at a home improvement store there were two girls trying to help her find something and they really were trying their hardest but when they walked away after about 30 minutes she says "I wish I could find a man to help me" and I verbally beat her up about that. She's always been like this, and assumes all women are the same and they're all crazy for men.

She's also been watching Rupaul's drag race since I was in 4th grade. She started watching it because "haha man act like woman that's funny" and we all know the men on that show portray women awfully. Even the ones that refused to portray women like that and refused to be sexualized would be pushed to be sexy by Rupaul or they'd be eliminated. I saw women be reduced to big breasts and big butts by men trying to parade around in what they thought women looked like and acted like.

I thought being a girl was the most awful thing ever, being a girl was being shallow and bitchy and sexy. I followed a lot of anti-feminist men on YouTube and quickly absorbed the notion that women are unfunny, and I thought that being a boy would automatically make me funny. I thought that when I transitioned I'd be funny and an actual human being. So I thought I was a boy for a very long time. I experienced intense gender dysphoria, and I still do. It would routinely get so bad I'd starve myself. I still hate my chest and my uterus, just for unclear reasons.

I'm only just now working through internalized misogyny and exploring the idea that I might actually be a girl. I don't know what to think or where to start with any of this. I want to be able to comfortably be a gnc lesbian girl, but I'm not sure if that will ever happen.

im amab, 22, nonbinary and as the title says i recently stopped taking estrogen after almost 4 years on it (i identified as a trans girl for a few years)

i don’t actually feel much of a difference. mentally at least. i think. my libido is also pretty much the same, dealing with depression and this change of identity might be suppressing it tho.

did anyone else here ’bounce back’ quite quick genital-wise after stopping e? i get erections very sensitively (especially) after waking up, more sensitively than i remember getting pre-transition. and they’re strong, like there’s this tension/pressure almost. is this normal? lol

feels good seeing myself as just a person who happens to have this body. im pretty androgynous and i like the way i look. but i didn’t start transitioning for nothing so im taking it easy.

I’m just curious of peoples responses, do you think social media and cell phones are bad for teens of this generation (x and alpha) and do you guys think kids are fooling themselves into being trans due to things like Instagram and tick tok? Personally I really think this trans spike is because of that but I wan to hear your opinions, as I’m trying to create an essay about why social media is trans-ing kids and is significantly destroying children’s minds.

I’m so thankful I was never on T and I can get periods, I’m just thankful.

So I've been thinking seriously about detransitioning in a year or two for a few weeks now and been pretty active here. Still today I'm not so sure because I've started seeing a new therapist who believes it's a different type of issue.

So for context, I currently have a family therapist, a normal therapist, and a psychiatrist. None of them are gender related or LGBT but they have trans and gender questioning patients so they have an idea of several people andd their problems. They also do not work together and dont know each other. I've talked about my identity crisis, which came after changing my sex marker to male, and both my family therapist and normal therapist think that I'm just having a crisis with my gender expression and not my gender identity. My psychiatrist seemed to think I had made a mistake and was hinting at it but in the last session he didnt give it much importance. Right now they'll make me explore with painting my nails and changing my hair. I'm confused again. There's one part of me who still wants to fight to live as a male while the other part of me just wants to give up and go back to the old female me. What I have decided for sure is that I will not use hormones anymore and I will never pursue any type of surgery or body modification. I havent had many changes on T for 2 years and never went under the knife so my physique is still pretty much the same as pre T.

Is anyone or has anyone been in this situation? I dont think they're trying to push any agenda on me because again, they're not LGBT related and even one of my therapists is skeptical of how easy getting hormones is.

It's true that the brain develops until 25, but people who use the fact to gatekeep young people often omit overwhelming evidence that gender identity forms at age of 3. 18 year old people can open their credit card, buy a house or go to military so why they shouldn't be allowed to get on hormones and get a surgery? You're also doing serious life decisions under 25, so it absolutely can't be too young.

If it was really true to wait until 25, the professional guidelines would recommend otherwise. There is a reason why the age of consent for cross-sex hormones is 16 and for surgeries 18 - people at this age are deemed mature enough to make such medical decisions, unless there is evidence against their capability to consent. If you want to up the age, then you have to provide reliable evidence.

Now if the person is under 16, if they are genuinely very mature and capable of consent (in a conservative sense), then they should be allowed to get on hormones.

Regret due to transitioning is already very rare - it happens less than 1% of cases. In contrast, suicide rate for people who don't transition is around 41%.

I came off E and spiro two weeks ago (3 months hrt) and although my energy and libido are coming back, they’re no where near where they were before hrt. The random crashes during the day suck and I know it’s due to my body working to return to its normal stasis. Is there anything I could do to help it get there and give myself more energy?

I was on hormones for three months before I decided transitioning wasn’t for me. I cold turkeyed a little over two weeks ago. My energy came back pretty quick, although I still struggle with episodes of fatigue/sleepiness. My libido isn’t back to what it was before, but it has improved significantly in the past two weeks. All the function down there is pretty much back to normal. Color has returned to my face. My appetite is also returning. After a while hrt started to feel like a poison, and transitioning started to seem unnecessary. I’m feeling a lot better now. I just wish I could shake the episodes of fatigue during the day.

So for the las year I've been identifying as ftm, but lately I don't know anymore if this is really what I want, after a failed coming out (bc of religious family) I've been reflecting on myself and thinking, if this is really the correct path, it's not like i hate my body, but rather all the things that come form being a woman in society.

Since puberty I always had doubts about who I am and my gender, so i would like to read people opinions about it . (Idk if this really detransitioning or desisting)

Hi friends, my name is Laura and it's been a long time since I was in this subreddit. I'm a female detransitioner who's been involved in a lot of detransition awareness and advocacy work. I've returned to share some hopefully helpful resources I've been involved with recently. If anyone is interested, I had a pretty cohesive Youtube interview with RT where I took a deep dive into detrans issue and mental health crisis. You can hear about my detrans story from the perspective of having been several years recovered from the whole experience and the healing and wisdom I've gained so far.

I also wrote an essay for Genspect.org, (an excellent resource for parents and families of gender questioning and trans youth.) The essay is "A Letter to My 15-Year-Old-Gender-Questioning-Self" and is a resource for people of that age and their families you might be able to relate to.

I'm also working lot's of other detrans advocacy projects, including being involved in some legal cases for trans minors, so you might see me around in the media talking about detransition and mental health stuff in the future. I really wanted to come here though and offer support to anyone who'd like to chat with me, since I consider myself a very "seasoned" detransitioner at this point. Lol. Feel free to DM me here, or find me on Twitter posting a lot about all this stuff.

I'm also planning on some media appearances with more major news outlets in the future, writing articles for my Substack on these topics, and I'm producing and co-hosting a podcast about psychology and mental health where I go very very deep into gender, sexuality, mental health and healing, and all that important stuff.

I hope some of these resources will be of value to you and again, feel free to reach out to me. <3 <3 <3

(Excuse my english) Resume if you don't want to read: Your voice is totally moldable, you didn't lose your female voice, believe me. (watch videos linked below)

I'm studying music and our vocal training teacher is talking about anatomy and stuff, I've learned some really interesting things about the anatomy of everything related to the production of sound in the human body. Reading about that it's interesting, I highly recommend it.

Um, first I want to say that voice kinda "clears up" after a time off hrt, someone explained to me that this happens because after stopping hrt we lose mass, makes sense to me, idk. Second, a friend made me realize a time ago that I sometimes forced my voice to sound deeper (unconsciously). After paying attention to what he said I found that my natural voice is actually lighter, flows better, like, idk how to explain it but it's like I'm using a different position of something in the vocal part and actually feels physically more comfortable when talking. The same could be happening to other girls who detransitioned. During transition, I learned to force my voice to sound as deep as comfortably possible in order to pass, and I think any detrans woman can relate to this. So, I believe that un-learning this male positioning of the voice is the key.

Anyway, here are two videos I found 15 YEARS OF SINGING - YouTubeMan With Voice Like Girl - YouTube You haven't lost your voice, it's probably lighter than you think... The human body is amazing and capable of lots of things, and incredibly as it may sound, the control of the voice is one of those things. Be open minded, this is pure anatomy and control of the voice, totally achievable. Don't let yourself get influenced by the idea that testosterone changed your voice, it didn't, it changed your anatomy a bit, but you can sound like you did before hrt, it's all about gaining consciousness of the positioning of the voice. I like to sing, I'm not pro or anything, but now I can relate singing and the positioning of the voice when talking. I'm bad at explaining, I hope someone actually read this and found it helpful, lol.

Hey there, I’m a 15 year old trans boy who’s trying to I guess to, challenge my gender identity. I’ve been obsessively reading this sub, which I will admit doesn’t feel the most healthiest, but I do want to educate myself on detrans topics.

I want to ask if meditation could help with becoming more in line with my assigned gender at birth? I would like to explore other ways of managing my gender dysphoria so if you have any advice on which ways I can do that ,I appreciate it.

I don’t think that I want to detransition but I also want to make sure that I’m not ignoring potentially some underlying issue. I’m not on hormones and don’t plan to be until I’m 18 or so. And which ways helped you guys figure out that you aren’t trans? What where the warning signs looking back?

Thanks for anyone who takes the time to respond to this .

(MTF that is having obsessive thoughts about transitioning, 19, autistic, considering DIY HRT and internalised gay attraction)

My situation is that I have been obsessively thinking about detransitioning to the point that I’m considering suicide, yet I’m raging at the moment at every single person.

I feel like this had awoken my inner male instincts, which before I never had and was always quite feminine and kind. I feel rage, power, apathy, my sex drive is up the roof now, and I want to fight people. I force myself to look at straight pornography to not act on my homosexuality because that’s the life I don’t want to live like this.

My male instincts are not the only factor in my anger. I’m rejected from every community I try to fit in. Starting with men, the gay community, the trans community and women. It’s worst than I’m autistic, and no one wants me. This rage has been building up for years, and now I’m finally want to become a man and stop being a feminine 5 ft 5 soyboy. I want to be a 6 ft 3 strong straight man. I’m angry at everyone, and I really honestly don’t care.

This is how my situation is right now. We are having another person inside me who is raging and making me into a different person. I’m always alone with this person in my head who wants me to go back and let him in control, but I can’t just; the thought of me hurting people in any way just makes me cry. Idk if my brain can’t take it anymore, or I am becoming a typical horrible man.

Hello. My name is Lisa and I’m 15. I have been identifying with family and school as William for about over a year, and presenting as a man online since I was 12. I am now realizing I don’t see myself as a boy anymore. I think I’m just a girl with severe sexual trauma. Does anyone have any advice? I’m really scared, I’ve desisted before but I went back to identifying as trans to escape my past and I’m finally ready to face that I’m never going to be a boy, and that I’m a female. Im really scared. What if I never will be able to see myself as a girl. What if others will always see me as a boy? What if I will never be a good enough girl? Im hyper feminine, I’m gay, and have extreme dysphoria/dysmorphia over my body. Im so scared. I don’t know where to go from here. Everyone sees me as Wil, even my mother and my grandmother. I don’t want to be Wil anymore.

I realized I was falling into the same cycle of years ago. I'm basically still burning stages, sometimes I even say I'm living in 2013 (consciously of my present, I'm not crazy) And, I've been enjoying growing up again, like, doing puberty right this third time, lol. And in all this mess and fun I found myself trying to hide again with clothes, like, it was so natural to do it back then, idk what was that but it gotta be stopped, u know?

So, yeah, back to the present, I don't want to hide again, I don't want to be scared of wearing dresses, skirts and shorts, I have to get over that fear and just enjoy. Yesterday I ordered a skirt I've been seeing for months, it's been so long that I got it on discount by half the price it was when I first saw it, lmao.

I've detransitioned for around 2 years by now I'm fully settled back into a routine as being a guy. At first I was really happy to do it because it was great to just not worry about passing, but as time's gone on that all wore off. Now I'm back to the point where I see just existing as a male to be some kind of horrible duty that I just have to do. I don't know why it bothers me so much because I'm not outwardly very masculine and I don't fill masculine social roles, but sometimes the even sound of my own voice (which isn't even that deep) just grates on me. I stayed on E for some personal reasons and I'm barely keeping it together so Lord knows how much of a disaster I'd be if I were to actually go on T (I probably never will). It's also causing me to hate everyone around me. I get nervous around men and have a hard time interacting with them, I'm incredibly bitter towards and jealous of women. Really any input or discussion would be appreciated

I have been off T for about a month but spontaneously took my dose on Monday. I regretted it immediately and really do not want any more changes. I am on 25mg/week. Will things keep changing for months? Is there anything I can do to stop it? Will T blockers do anything for me? I am so distressed and frustrated right now, I just do not want any more changes at all.

I was on t for 3 years. Stopped just short of my 21st birthday. I was a dumb teenager. I ruined my voice.

I used to be good at singing. Really good. It's been about 9 months since I got off T. Now my voice is permanently hoarse & cracks whenever I attempt singing within a normal female range. Highest I can go comfortably is E4, if I strain I can get to G4 on a good day.

I don't sound like a contralto when I sing- I sound like a man. If I wasn't so hoarse, maybe I'd sound like a deep-voiced woman. Instead, I sound like a man doing a poor impersonation of a woman.

Singing used to be a coping mechanism for me. Now my guitar has started collecting dust.

I used to sing with friends. Harmonize, play instruments together. We even talked about forming a band way back before all this. I used to write songs. Now I'm ashamed of my voice. My friends still sing. I stopped joining in. I don't think I ever can again.

It's been really difficult dealing with this. I try to stay positive, I really do, but I'm not sure I can handle this anymore. The voice is such a huge part of a person. I've lost my self-esteem completely. I disgust myself whenever I speak.

Any comforting words, resources, anything you think could help is welcome.

Sincerely hope y'all are doing better than me right now.

[removed]

i used to be that person who believed everything is valid uwu (well, not everything but i used to agree with tumblr genders and poor vision of gender based on comfort). during quarantine i had the opportunity to study more and then i realised this all makes no sense in real world. i could also see how social medias influence on the way we perceive things.. identity stops being about yourself and what you believe and become an aesthetic to show other people online

nowadays i flirt with radical feminism since i think oppression is based on patriarch (and capitalism) and i don't think gender itself exists apart from biological sex, but i still don't think i'm a radical feminism because i disagree on other topics.

anyway i've been totally changing my ideas of gender and it's kinda weird i cannot tell my friends i think they're saying bullshit because i know they hate radfem. fun fact: sometimes when i bring some discussion they agree with me when they don't know it's a radfem perspective hahaha. tbh i don't care about different pov if they're not misogynistic but at the same time i think most of "all is valid" ideology is misogynistic af

only one more point is sometimes i wish i hadn't opened my eyes because my old views of gender was "easier" to deal, however not even i tried hard i could go back since it's not real

idk if i make this post clear, just wanna share some stuff that has been on my mind

i came out as ftm when i was 12. i started t at 15, and started having doubts at 16. i would wear panties and bras when no one was around. well, i am 19 now, and starting my detransition process. i have been off t for a few months. i'm naturally very curvy, so i'm getting my shape back, which is nice. but... the way people treat me is bad. trans people seem to be disgusted with me, which makes me angry because i am very publicly supportive of trans people and i dont advocate for medical gatekeeping whatsoever. men harass me every time i go outside. my old male friends wont talk to me, probably because they are sexualizing me now and they know i won't sleep with them.

afabs are taught to be ashamed of our vaginas since the day we are born. i dont subscribe to any of this "gender dysphoria doesnt exist" bullshit because its real and i experience it. but.... for me, i think i was so young.... i was ashamed of my vagina, i was ashamed of my femininity. i had an eating disorder. i dont think i had gender dysphoria, i think i had body dysmorphia. i have so many feelings im working through that i havent made sense of yet. but i know i am a woman. i love women. im a lesbian. im an aspiring mother. i dont want to be ashamed of my vagina anymore, or my femininity, or my curves.

i dont want to be ashamed for truly discovering who i am. but i feel ashamed. mostly because the community i was a part of for so long is attacking me for simply existing. its so lonely.

any detrans girls wanna talk?

I'm mtf looking to start my detransition. I've only been on hrt for the past 3.5 months. The first three months I was only on 4mg of estradiol. On month 3 blood work my estrogen has risen but my testosterone was on the lower end of the cis male range. This fourth month I've added 100mg of spiro and have upped estrogen to 6 mg. Is it early enough to me where I can quit cold turkey without feeling drastic side effects? Is the half month supply enough to dwindle down if I need to do so?

So, without getting into where I fall on the spectrum, I am considering a temporary hormone treatment. I don’t know where else to ask this, so please don’t remove my post. I’m currently on E and I’m wondering for those that have undergone HRT and went off it; how did this effect your size and function?

Hello all I had a quick question for guys who detransitioned from MTF Female back to Male with no surgery’s done yet. After being off of E for several months or years did the bottom area reproductive organs go back to the same size they were? Also if you had the pelvic tilt and lost some height did that reverse eventually?

I had my period for some short 3 years (I think) before I cut it with transition treatment. I realize now that I didn't have enough time to get used to it, I always remember it as a mess. Idk if my period affected me emotionally back then since I was so focused in hating it, lol.

I've had my period regularly this year and I noticed a pattern that now makes me feel so silly and dramatic. One or two weeks before it comes, I get really sad and more emotional than I already am, it's really bad. I've always been really sensitive (because I'm an artist, I think) and things in general emotionally affect me harder, I also still deal with emotional issues, still trying to get over things, I'm hard on myself, blame myself for stuff, etc, I'm working on that. Anyway, I thought this emotional issues were the only reason I get so sad. But, I think my hormones affect me too, a lot. The few days before and during my period are the best days of the month, like, I'm regular but I know my period's coming because I suddenly get an amazing emotional boost.

I was still sensitive during hrt, but now it's just another level. I really feel so happy to have my body working and learning about it, I feel happy I'm living puberty the right way this time...Even if it makes me feel like I'm fucking dying sometimes. Like, I just came out of the sad phase, my period's in four days and I'm crying and laughing at the same time rn, crazy.

View Poll

I'm always read as a girl. I had a mastectomy and always show flatchested since I don't like to use stuff. I used to think my flat chest could give me problems and I was sure it was going to keep me safe, now I find out I was wrong.

First, I'm glad people find me normal, I thought people were going to wonder why my chest is so flat and treat me different, but it seems to don't bring the attention at all for some reason.

Lately, when I go out, I've noticed more the benefits of being a girl and also the uncomfortable things. Good things: basically all men are nicer to you, you get a better attention and help, which is kinda creepy sometimes, but anyway. Uncomfortable things: getting catcalled and knowing some men are looking at you in certain way while you walk past them. Last friday I had a very uncomfortable experience and I'll use this post to vent since I'm still mad and don't want to tell anyone irl.

I took the bus, I sat on the only free space that was next to a 37 y/o man (he told me his age in the worst conversation I've ever had). I had to ask him if I could sit there since he had his legs wide spread, that was the beginning of an around 20 min conversation that seemed to never fucking end. He started asking me my name, my age, where I live, where I was going, what I study, etc, I was polite and just answered the questions without taking my earphones off and randomly looking at my phone trying to cut the talking. Anyway, this man didn't want to stop talking. I know he saw the scars on my arm after he told me he saw I was lonely, I told him I'm not. Then the bs escalated real quick into he asking me if I've had boyfriends, what I like in guys, if I'm too shy, I laughed the questions off, he started giving me "love tips", stupid tips. I had enough when he said it was a shame he lived in another city but he could visit me if I wanted him to do so, I just laughed and the conversation seemed to be over. But then he asked again if I'm too shy, and what I'm going to do when someone likes me, then he said he would tell me something if I allowed him to, I told him I didn't want to listen. That stupid laugh and that look on his face, I don't know how is possible that he just continued asking and talking bs non stop if I was clearly trying to end that conversation since it started.

I rarely fall in love, I've had a crush on four guys in my whole life. It's like, I'm not saying I don't find random people attractive, but that's all, I don't feel things for people just because they're pretty. I'm not like friends who would get into a relationship with someone they just met because they like each other, or another friend who kisses anyone she likes and can, and feels totally fine doing it.

From the four people I've liked, three of them liked me back and every time I find my crush or someone likes me is like a warning sign to scape and cut the talking with them. I used to think my reaction was because I was too young and just not ready, but now I'm almost 20 and I think there could be something wrong with me.

My whole life, people has told me I'm too innocent, too good, too sweet. I tried to change that, it didn't work. What I'm starting to wonder is, what if I'm like this because of my past trauma? like, if somehow there's a part of me that didn't grow to protect myself.

I have daydreamed of a cute relationship when I like someone, but I have never let that happen.

I’m ftm, I’ve always had some underlying thoughts about if I should transition or not, but never like this. I would think “awh, I wish I could still wear dresses and cute clothes, take pictures, wear makeup and a skimpy swimsuit” etc, but they were very rare instances, and in a few hours I’d go back to nah I’m fine like this.

Long story short I got high as balls last night, and started freaking out thinking “why tf would I transition” but I figured it would go away by the next day, and it’s only gotten worse

I went to target today to get some stuff to confirm my suspicions (makeup, lashes, a swimsuit to try on) and I think I liked it. It felt more right than wearing trunks at least.

My problem is I dunno if I should do this. I was pretty happy living as a man before, I wanted to go to college as a guy so so badly, and out of nowhere that changed. Maybe I miss being desired, being cute or pretty, I dunno. But all I can think about switching colleges (I couldn’t face familiar people if I retransitioned) getting a boob job to fix my top surgery, and voice feminization to sound like a woman again.

I really don’t know why this is coming up out of nowhere, and that’s my only hesitation with this whole thing. Maybe I had been repressing it this whole time and it suddenly all came out when I was high. Please, I need some kinda of advice I’m so confused.

i came out as ftm in 2018, i started hrt in early/mid 2020, and quit april of this year. right now i still go by the name i used when i identified as trans but my birth name still causes me great panic and makes me feel uncomfortable. i’ve been wanting to change my name to a different female name but i’m worried i’ll get shit for it. i changed my name twice during transition and when i did everybody was pissed, but i really want to go back to a female name, just not my birth name. have any of you done this? what were reactions like? if more than once, how many times have you changed your name post-transition?

I have found a great person to share my life with and it has been few months. I love her and she wants to become a man due to this trend or smth and I want to have kids with her. How can I make her change her mind about this?