Are there any early signs that you might detransition later in life ?
ADVICE REQUEST Submitted Oct. 15, 2021, 8:26 p.m. by ShootingChildrenI want to apologize in advance if this post might come of as offensive, if it does then please let me know and I'll edit or take off certain things from it and if it does not abide by the rules. I read them but i struggle to understand vague(for me vague means not overly detailed) explainations .
I am currently questioning my decision to transition.
At 15 I realized I was trans and was hell-bent on transitioning but now im second guessing it . I know that transition won't make me any happier or take away the self hatred towards my body or at least not entirely. I am 17 now (FtM)
My main issue is the money , I could do anything else with them instead of surgeries and cross hormones and the thought that I would go through all of that and choose to detransition later is terrifying. I have no problem with the forever lasting effects of my choice but rather the time and money put on all of it
I currently do not want to create my own way of being a girl nor accept my body , nor be perceived as a girl by the people around me. At least for now. What the future brings is still unknown and im open to the idea that one day i might change my mind.
It hit me tonight and started wondering after a very heavy discussion with my mom . She said that "if you do such things to yourself (unrelated to transition) then could you love yourself if you become a guy physically?" And that got me to wonder if I'm putting too much effort into it just to later realize that I'm just as unhappy.
So my main question is : are there any early signs that what I'm going through is a phrase?
Hi there,
You are very young. I'm only 20 and a lot has changed since I was 17. It sounds like you know transitioning won't make you happy or more accepting of yourself. The only way to be happier is to deal with your mind, not your body.
is what you're going through a "phase"? first of all, I think we need to stop defining transitioning as a stable identity. i don't think it is. it's something you do, and to do it you must be constantly thinking about it. it's a set of obsessive-compulsive thoughts and self-destructive actions. After the initial euphoria wears off, it's exhausting to keep up with. As with any addiction, whether or not you stick with it depends on how much you're willing to lose, how much mental exhaustion you're willing to put up with (because "passing" as something you're not is fkn exhausting!) , how many people you're willing to cut out of your life—because no matter how close you are with your mother, I promise you your relationship will never be the same after medically transitioning, and i found the trans community can be isolating and controlling— and how much damage you can do to your body before it gives out. The damage is very, very real. The physical consequences of medically transitioning are criminally understated.
Some people would rather do all this than go back to their original bodies and lives, which often marked by a trauma they could only escape by taking on new identities. I encourage you to watch this conversation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14TIEgAVmow&ab_channel=GenderDysphoriaAlliance between four long-term ftm transitioners. I'm not sure if it's in this conversation or another one on their channel, but they all basically admit there came a point in their transition where they realized their problems weren't solved after all this time and money, but they had gone so far in their transitions that it was impossible to conceptualize themselves as women now. And two of them have severe medical complications. One guy says that as a result of a botched phalloplasty he's not expected to live very long. One guy has developed diabetes and high blood pressure as a direct result of testosterone, and laments that he is attracted to lesbians, but looks like a man, so he will probably die alone. it's pretty grim. I think these conversations with older, wiser trans men is a great way to understand for yourself what you are willing to sacrifice.
Is your pain of being female greater than the mental and physical cost of transitioning? I found that it wasn't for me.
You are young, you seem to have a good relationship with your mom, so I frankly do not recommend you transition. get the hell out of that "community".
I was disgusted with being female and couldn't find any women in my life or in media who were like me. Being a teen girl is horrific. it is a process of being sexually harrassed and debased and consumed until you give into it or find the strength to deny those prying hands and mouths that take so much from us. A lot of us try to destroy ourselves during this time, physically and mentally. To call it a "phase" undermines this common catastrophe. it isn't casual, and it isn't your fault that you would rather be anywhere but female. But please don't let it win*.* because it's not your body's fault. it's the world's. And you can make a future that you are proud to live in without changing yourself, I promise. if you change yourself this shit world will win. It will have told you that you are wrong and you will have listened. I don't want that for anyone. I do not want that for you. Good luck.
This is a brilliant answer and it's all so true
Early signs youll detransition? Besides everything the previous poster mentioned,
Acting impulsively over your emotions.
-> after all my testosterone shots i thought "please dont do it you dont need and now you're gonna know what is real body dysphoria. just take more time, you can try to live as a man for all time you need but dont do that right now, it's too soon"
-> at the some moment i could see i was attracted by lesbians and i wish i were one (or that they could feel attracted by me because im not sure if i am a lesbian or bisexual)
-> i knew i commited a mistake 3 minutes after i changed my documents
-> everything used to seem really aesthetic and i was always looking for an aesthetic which matched better with my mood
-> i didnt want to read anything related with gender and it used to be a topic i liked
-> i was in a super vulnerable moment of my life and when it passed i know that would pass
-> when i thought about transitioning instantly i also thought "i wish people dont read me as a transwoman when my detransitioning happens"
-> i couldnt feel well-looking and i keep blaming the fact i was pre-T but i knew i was just wearing male clothes to pretend i was one while i know i am not and i wasnt comfortable with that style
i guess those were my signes