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62 comments recovered from the Pushshift database.
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PurpleTsutsuji · Sept. 16, 2019, 8:48 a.m. · 3 replies

So, my local Democratic party are having a rally near me in the near future, and I would like to get all dressed up in TERF kit in order to go. I wish to communicate to the Democratic party that there are, in fact, people on the left who want to protect women's sex-based rights, and don't believe in the Gender Fairy. I have plain white t-shirts, white posterboard, and a Sharpie. What should my t-shirt and sign say that will get the message across?

labryssalthere is no such thing as a lesbian with a penis · Sept. 16, 2019, 8:53 a.m. · 1 reply

I think "men aren't women" is pretty great and to-the-point

"Women are oppressed because of biological sex"

"Woman = adult human female" (I like this one but TIMs will insist they are female, completely undermining what that word means)

"Biology isn't hate"

morningtea50Mother Nature is a TERF · Sept. 16, 2019, 10:26 a.m.

"Biology isn't hate" is an especially good one because most people are simply concerned with not looking like a bigot, and that is why they go along with all the trans rights stuff.

OpheliaLives7 · Sept. 16, 2019, 9:22 a.m.

Depends how blatant you want to be.

‘The future is female’ is a classic feminist fav of mine. And pisses off some tMRAs who’ve tried to steal the slogan from lesbian feminists and twist it into “the future is trans/nb”. You could also use Posie’s ‘adult human female’ definition shirt idea. Idk about your sexuality but recent lesbian marches have had some great signs about how trans ideology erases lesbians and how lesbian means female homosexual and such. I also saw a sign on tumblr from a pride march about how being a gnc girl with short hair and hairy legs is normal/great (and not a signifier of being trans).

You could also focus on writing something about Title IX or maybe even the Equal Rights Amendment that ppl are still trying to get passed. Women still aren’t equal under the law and every TiM by virtue of their sex is covered. Many ppl don’t seem to know that the ERA was never passed or that ppl are still pushing for states to pay attention to it and make sure women as a sex are explicitly covered in the constitution/law

gencritthrowwww · Sept. 16, 2019, 10:53 p.m.

Let us know how it goes! You can leave out what the shirt/sign said if you're worried about being identified, but I'm curious about what the public feedback is like.

Tomatopiecrust · Sept. 16, 2019, 11:34 a.m. · 4 replies

So I just started watching the movie Troy, which is based on the story of Achilles and it made me realize something. Throughout most of my schooling starting from middle school these ancient Greek myths and stories were forced upon me to learn. Adults insisted they were so interesting and exciting even to this day. I went to a Greek middle school so of course we read a lot of these and then in college professors really focused on the stories of Odysseus and Achilles and the like. I just always found them so dry and completely uninteresting and just didn't like them at all. I have never thought about why except maybe I just wasnt smart enough to appreciate it or whatever.

Now after opening my eyes to all the casually sexist shit in the world it finally clicked. As I was watching the movie I realized it's all about men, and their egos, and women being treated like property. It seems so obvious but it's so easy for men to just waive it away and say "well that's how it was back then" and be so invested in the story and enjoy it. Meanwhile as a woman there really is nothing exciting for me about watching men treat women like objects and fight like brutes. I realized there wasn't anything wrong with me for not appreciating these ancient stories and it was the patriarchy that keeps elevating them.

lawful-idealist · Sept. 16, 2019, 5:18 p.m.

Well this just put eight years of Latin that I haven't thought about since graduating into perspective. Thank you. Glad to know I wasn't just uncultured.

gencritthrowwww · Sept. 16, 2019, 11:03 p.m.

I was just thinking about this the other day. All the powerful women were either madly emotional (Dido), materialistic (Camilla), or just plain killed (Amazons). Even among the goddesses, Hera's anger is all due to her cheating husband. I can't think of a single female success story that isn't about her finding a lover. And all the regular Grecian women? Not honorable like the male soldiers, they were invisible and unnamed domestic slaves and childbearers.

I think you would like the novel Lavinia.

justhysterical2018it's woMA'AM · Sept. 17, 2019, 3:04 a.m. · 1 reply

I have always loved mythology but that's an interesting perspective on myth. I think if my courses involving myth had been taught in a way that was so dismissive of what the myths are saying about women I would probably loathe them too.

There are some books that have come out that flesh out the women's stories more. I liked "Circe" by Madeline Miller and second the recommendation for "Lavinia". I've heard really good things about "The Silence of the Girls" which is told from the point of view of Briseis, a Trojan woman who is taken as a concubine after the city is sacked. From the description: "Briseis is just one among thousands of women living behind the scenes in this war—the slaves and prostitutes, the nurses, the women who lay out the dead—all of them erased by history."

womenopausalThe radical notion that women don't have penises · Sept. 17, 2019, 3:06 a.m. · 1 reply

What about the Penelopiad by Margaret Atwood? I really liked that.

justhysterical2018it's woMA'AM · Sept. 17, 2019, 3:08 a.m. · 1 reply

Oh yeah! I got my dad a copy for his birthday but I haven't gotten a chance to read it yet.

womenopausalThe radical notion that women don't have penises · Sept. 17, 2019, 6:35 a.m.

I bet you'll love it!

terf_fret · Sept. 17, 2019, 9:48 a.m.

What Diana did to Actaeon was the only good myth.

dai-zy- · Sept. 16, 2019, 11:42 a.m.

I'm at work right now and my manager was just talking about how prostitution should be legalized. I wasn't part of the conversation (thank god) but I was just standing nearby trying not to scream honestly.

aapanag6 · Sept. 16, 2019, 12:27 p.m. · 1 reply

Recently I've started to question why it is that I actually do this - now please jump in if you think otherwise/differently and tell me why, but I hate being referred to or having to refer to myself as a 'cis' woman.

To me, 'cis' just means someone who isnt mentally ill. My mind and body are doing exactly what they're supposed to be doing. I live in a world where I dont believe I can bend the shape of reality or change biology or force other people to see me as something other than what I very clearly am. I'm not sure why I've been thrown into this category where I now have to label myself as something to let people know that I'm not something. Like the word 'woman' and the state of being a woman has been perverted and turned into something that can be taken without permission and against my will?! No.

When you use the term 'cis' you are acknowledging that it is possible for some men to be women. Well, it's not and I don't acknowledge that. You need to put the word trans infront of your identity because you're not a woman. You introduce yourself as gender neutral or non binary because you either arent, dont want to acknowledge or dont want to accept that you are a woman.

I am not a cis-womxn-non-binary -gender-neutral- trans- nimbus-3000 woman. I am a woman. Period. No prefix necessary. I am the living breathing divine reflection of all women before me, and I will be that same thing for any women that have come from me. I can bring life into this world, I relish in all things that women do and are capable of doing in this life. I can be a nurturing care giver and I can be an absolute cu** if I feel like it too. The word 'woman' should be and is only synonymous with one thing and no amount of butchering or perversion of the English language will change that very basic truth. There's no question of what I am ever. No further explanation, prefix, justification apology or disclaimer necessary here thanks.

Call yourself whatever you want, but make no mistake - I'm the control and you're the variable. Woman is not for sale.

AnnieBananny · Sept. 16, 2019, 2:28 p.m.

I am the living breathing divine reflection of all women before me, and I will be that same thing for any women that have come from me.

Gorgeous. This encapsulates how I feel about this perfectly.

toddhowardshrine · Sept. 16, 2019, 12:52 p.m.

I went to high school with a guy who was very very gay and hung out with all of the popular girls.. it was an incredibly accepting populace and I even had a number of female friends who were gay and experimented with gender. They never got bullied.

Now, he’s a TiM and a famous makeup YouTuber who loves to cause controversy and flirt with racism. I read an interview where he claimed he didn’t know any trans people at his school so he never came out and acted like it was in the boonies or something. He was always an asshole, a bully, and only associated with women who were EXTREMELY feminine. I can’t help but think that’s what he thinks a woman is and all it takes to be. I hate seeing these men define beauty standards for actual women!!

kavitadrake · Sept. 16, 2019, 3:47 p.m. · 2 replies

Hello!

I'm curious if the general GC consensus is that men are so terrible because of socialization? Like, if we had all GC women raising a generation of sons, and continued that for an iteration or two, would we eventually have men acting the same as women?

Or do things like the testosterone and whatever other hormones, or some innate characteristic, ie a male brain, influence it?

Thanks for any insight!

lawful-idealist · Sept. 16, 2019, 5:25 p.m. · 1 reply

I don't know what the general consensus is, but I just had a discussion about that very topic today, so I thought I'd weigh in. I personally am pretty sure that almost all human traits are partially nature and partially nurture, but I think based on personal experiences that socialisation plays the bigger role in the issue of male violence and general male bad behaviour. The way that young boys get shamed and bullied for any perceived "unmanly" traits, the way men raise their sons, the society these young men grow up in that doesn't see women as people and doesn't see rejection of a man as legitimate, and that values aggressive, "masculine" traits over actually positive ones, all those tell me that men could be better, if they were allowed to, or more specifically, if they were raised to. Hormones alone don't make anyone consider another human an object, as far as I know.

Whether we'd get men behaving just like women, I don't know, but I'm sure we'd get men behaving a whole lot better.

AnnieBananny · Sept. 18, 2019, 11:24 a.m. · 1 reply

(takes deep breath) I can't believe I am about to say this, but... not all men? It's definitely nurture in my opinion.

My brothers are very respectful to women, treating them as human beings. Both of them have multiple female friends they value beyond just trying to get past some sort of imaginary "friend zone"... and both of them have always valued me and my ideas. I have never heard one of them verbally objectify or denigrate a woman of any kind, and neither have I heard my father ever do this. Even when we used to watch The Bachelor as a family to make fun of it, we would make fun of the idiotic ideas these women had about "oh he has all the qualities" and how unnatural the entire show was, not ever the women themselves, their careers, or what they were wearing.

Our "boys will be boys" culture programs men to not only think they can't control their sexual urges, but they shouldn't. That that kind of behavior is masculine/macho/manly. My dad, an Eagle Scout with two degrees from Stanford, modeled how to be a good man and upstanding, moral citizen - and my brothers happily followed his example.

Chivalry is not indeed dead... but it's close, especially when toxic groups of men on the internet (I'm looking at you, incels) act like they are entitled to women and treat them as creatures without free will or ideas. But I swear, there are notable exceptions. Not just my brothers - I have some male friends that are worthwhile. Their rarity is the crime of society.

lawful-idealist · Sept. 18, 2019, 2:42 p.m.

Oh, I don't disagree at all. There are good ones - they're just so rare as to more or less be statistical anomalies. I fully agree that it's more nurture than nature, sorry if that didn't come across clearly enough. The biggest problem is the culture and the complete lack of accountability.

And I'm happy to hear about your brothers!

womenopausalThe radical notion that women don't have penises · Sept. 17, 2019, 3:09 a.m.

No consensus AFAIK. I'm not either/or about it personally. I think it's both. I used to be all about the socialisation but as I've got older I think there's interactions going on there. Not disputing that radfem mothers could produce some lovely boys and men though!

(comment deleted or removed) · 2 replies
gencritthrowwww · Sept. 16, 2019, 11:08 p.m. · 1 reply

Try convincing him to see a therapist. Then he can pay someone to do the work of helping him to value himself. You probably aren't trained in that anyway.

lawful-idealist · Sept. 17, 2019, 3:35 a.m.

He can't currently get a therapist for familial and financial reasons. But yeah, that would be idea. Thank you.

womenopausalThe radical notion that women don't have penises · Sept. 17, 2019, 3:12 a.m. · 1 reply

Sounds like depression to me - the sense of despair, the black-and-white thinking, the inability to see a positive future. I'd suggest he goes to the doctor and see what she says about it.

lawful-idealist · Sept. 17, 2019, 3:34 a.m. · 1 reply

I agree, but he doesn't have the option of getting therapy or treatment of his depression at the moment.

Thank you, though.

womenopausalThe radical notion that women don't have penises · Sept. 17, 2019, 3:38 a.m. · 1 reply

There are other, lifestyle ways of dealing with depression that might help if anti-depressants are out of the question: staying active, sticking to a routine, eating healthy, that kind of thing. Personally, I find 5-htp is a godsend (but it must not be taken with SSRIs).

lawful-idealist · Sept. 17, 2019, 4:02 a.m.

Thank you very much, I'll pass that on. Maybe I'll tell him to do some research on his own, too.

justhysterical2018it's woMA'AM · Sept. 17, 2019, 2:47 a.m. · 3 replies

I'm taking a class on ~media narratives~ and I need help figuring out what to do about some source material, both in class and outside of it. In my course on Friday we're going to talk about "Gender Revolution" (a Katie Couric/Nat Geo "documentary"). I have stayed true to my promise to be honest when the topic of gender comes up in my daily life but so far it has not really come up at school because most of my classes are literature classes (hashtag blessed). I was not expecting to be thrilled by the documentary but was like "ok I'll be able to bring some of this up in class without having an aneurism or crying".

Nah.

I admit I was unprepared to watch 1.5 hours of straight up lies and don't know how to handle this in class discussion. Where do I begin to offer my feedback? Brain sex crap and other horrific science? An extreme TLDR of David Reimer that leaves out the fact that David never had normal anatomy and was sexually abused along with his brother by John Money who also got Johns Hopkins gender stuff shut down for years but ok sure jan we should definitely listen to that pedo? Blatant conflation of intersex and trans? The documentary never defines gender at all? The total lack of compassion for women at yale when Katie Couric asks an admin what she would say if a woman didn't want to room with a TIM and the answer the admin gives is basically "tough shit" so as usual female safety < male feelings? How about the fact that actually women are getting raped and assaulted because of "bathroom bills"?

Keeping my mouth shut isn't really an option. Please give me encouragement to speak truth and override my need to be liked and not hurt feelings ever. I feel like my only other option is to meet with my professor before friday and just let her know that this documentary is full of lies, come with a paper citing my sources, and ask if she'll count said paper as my attendance/participation grade for class that day. I just feel like at the very least I have a responsibility to let her know that so much of this is a lie, even if she doesn't end up caring in the end. Help.

Feminist_Usernameconcern troll · Sept. 17, 2019, 10:19 a.m. · 1 reply

Nat Geo was bought out by Fox in 2015, and the film is from 2017. This year it was acquired by Disney. The academic integrity associated with Nat Geo is borrowed from the past.

I support you speaking up. I bet it will be hard and make people mad because they don't like to confront cognitive dissonance, but protecting the feelings of other people over our own is what allows us to get walked all over. Your sense of responsibility to the truth is awesome here though - I totally love how you want to shine a light on darkness. Please do! Well behaved women rarely make history!

I think the Reimer stuff is a great place to find common ground with your classmates if nothing else.

justhysterical2018it's woMA'AM · Sept. 18, 2019, 10:35 a.m.

Thank you for your support <3. It will definitely make people mad but I am going to try really hard to approach discussion from a calm place. I agree that reimer is a good place to start. You’d have to be pretty far gone to claim money wasn’t fucked up.

morningtea50Mother Nature is a TERF · Sept. 17, 2019, 10:43 a.m. · 1 reply

A contrasting documentary from Frontline that you might want to watch is called “Growing up Trans”. It’s a pretty balanced perspective on what’s being done to vulnerable children and teenagers in the name of progress.

>

Video:

https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/frontline/film/growing-up-trans/

Transcript:

https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/frontline/film/growing-up-trans/transcript/

justhysterical2018it's woMA'AM · Sept. 18, 2019, 10:33 a.m. · 1 reply

Wow that is chilling. Thank you. I was looking for an alternate source to suggest since the BBC program on trans kids isn’t widely available in the US.

morningtea50Mother Nature is a TERF · Sept. 19, 2019, 3:10 p.m.

It was made in 2014, I would love to see a follow-up on what happened with these kids.

PurpleTsutsuji · Sept. 19, 2019, 8:12 a.m.

You can do it! You're not going to be expelled from the class for being gender critical, you're not going to get a bad grade for being gender critical, and you will give your classmates a different perspective than the prevailing one. You might even change a few minds. Best of luck.

InactiveDegenerate · Sept. 17, 2019, 7:49 a.m. · 1 reply

Censorship of feminists is thriving. There's a bookshop in my city that specialises in 'radical' books. They have a selection of political, economic and philosophical books that you can't find elsewhere, though there's a definite liberal and socialist slant which I don't care for. I was there looking for books on feminism, because they have the largest selection available and a wide range of writers. Specifically I was looking for Greer's 'The Female Eunuch', since I've been meaning to read it. I couldn't find it and asked the cashier, a man in lipstick, if they had any.

He looked at me like i'd grown a second head! "We don't have Greer." He said. "She's extremely transphobic." I expressed my surprise and said that I wanted to read her work, acknowledging that she had made some alarming statements (I didn't specify which ones, though I imagine that they were not the same ones that he had issue with) but adding that the 'Female Eunuch' was an important feminist text. "She's super terfy." He said, not meeting my eye, adding disparagingly that I could get it at a different bookshop (I couldn't).

How can any bookshop claiming to represent the views of the marginalised and oppressed refuse to stock one of the most important feminist texts of the 20th century? I went and looked back at the shelves and found that the LGBT (mostly trans) section was just as large if not larger than the feminism section, with TRA books mixed in with the feminist books. They're within their rights to stock whatever they want of course, but claiming to be representative of feminism is bullshit.

womenopausalThe radical notion that women don't have penises · Sept. 17, 2019, 9:49 a.m.

Obviously I hate the censorship of feminists, but the misrepresentation of what feminism is is pretty galling as well.

TheChunkyCheeks · Sept. 17, 2019, 8:29 a.m.

I finally blocked a TIM who's been following me on instagram for years. He never actually behaved in a weird or threatening or even intrusive way, he was just floating in the background for some reason, so I never thought about it much. I never followed him back, just checked his page once and he gave off this uncomfortable, desperate vibe. I'm so happy I blocked him because I'm done with strange people watching me.

womenopausalThe radical notion that women don't have penises · Sept. 17, 2019, 9:46 a.m. · 1 reply

Another of the great androgynous musicians of the 1980s comes out (briefly) against gender ideology. So that's Marc Almond, Marilyn & Boy George.

womeninloveraging radical feminist · Sept. 17, 2019, 4:46 p.m.

Poor guy--seems like he was bullied into taking it down.

tervacious · Sept. 17, 2019, 1:40 p.m. · 2 replies

I requested some books for my library to buy: Jeffreys, Greer, Raymond. They came back with a polite reply but said that since another local library system has them they won't buy them. Okay, fair enough. But the librarian appended a message to the form email saying: "I agree what we need more gender critical materials in our library system. Thanks for these recommendations!" Small victories.

Feminist_Usernameconcern troll · Sept. 19, 2019, 7:19 a.m.

Bookish victory!!!!

PurpleTsutsuji · Sept. 19, 2019, 8:06 a.m. · 1 reply

Will they accept the books if you buy them? I mean buy them outright, not pay for the inter-library loan.

tervacious · Sept. 19, 2019, 1:04 p.m.

I looked this up. In my library system donations of books/other materials have to be pre-approved. They prefer that you send them funds to buy books, or buy something from their wish list.

marmorsymphata · Sept. 17, 2019, 3:06 p.m.
Lilith_Dark_MercyRadioactive Feminist · Sept. 17, 2019, 6:53 p.m.

A social media friend posted a link to merriam Webster adding to them/they a note about probouns for non-binaries. She said that it's cool to see language changing. No, it happens naturally, not because people force it down your throat when you "misgender" him/her.

no-boys-allowed · Sept. 18, 2019, midnight

Had to unfollow a TIF (nb) tattoo artist on Instagram today after she posted a vile misogynistic rant :( she tattooed the word “tr*nny” on a TIM and in the caption she wrote about “t*rf c*nts” not accepting trans people for who they are and “cis women” not accepting masculine-presenting women. Clearly someone has no idea what “t*rfs” even fight for... like most people who hate GC feminists, she has no idea what GC feminism actually consists of and has been brainwashed by TRAs.

Anyway, the entire PARAGRAPH of a caption was just dripping with internalized misogyny and violence so I had to unfollow because it disgusted me. Makes me sad she hates her own gender that much. I’m not gonna post who it is obviously but if anyway knows who I’m referring to, I’d love to hear someone else’s thoughts on her weird little anti-woman hate-spiel.

(comment deleted or removed) · 1 reply 
no-boys-allowed · Sept. 19, 2019, 1:50 a.m.

Tell me about it, the entire rant she posted was even worse than what I summarized. It was simultaneously upsetting and angering (upset for her, angry at the misogyny). I’d love to escape this shit until society peaks 😑

Off-topic but your flair, lmfao

rosapompomgirlande · Sept. 18, 2019, 4:06 a.m.

A famous German football (soccer) player is accused of possession and distribution of child porn. His home was searched and he was arrested. In online true crime communities and on his social media, people are defending him and claiming it's a conspiracy and he's a victim. People claim his significant other (who reported him) wants to take revenge or something and even accuse her of using his phone to distribute the images and make him look guilty. People say he'd be too smart to send CP around from his phone if he was into that...

It's sickening. Because he's well known and popular, the woman who did the right thing is accused. There's no empathy for the real victims - the abused children who are revictimised by the sick perverts who get off on watching kids being raped.

gatitabuena · Sept. 18, 2019, 10:18 a.m.

Tribunal Superior de Justicia de Madrid ruled in Madrid, Spain this week that a lesbian couple where both are active service members are not eligible for infertility treatment because they have not demonstrated they are infertile and there is no right be a mother. They had requested that public military health (ISFAS and Adeslas) cover artificial insemination (covered through public health in Madrid), claiming as homosexual women they were infertile because neither one of them produced semen... Apparently, not the first time in recent years the military has done this, as they have previously denied a lesbian public health services in 2016. (Source: El Confidencial Digital in Spanish.)

(comment deleted or removed) · 1 reply
Feminist_Usernameconcern troll · Sept. 19, 2019, 7:15 a.m.

Theres also r/thisneverhappens

lawful-idealist · Sept. 18, 2019, 5:33 p.m. · 1 reply

Today a dude tried to convince me that "dick" is as awful an insult as "c*nt", and when I tried to explain why that's not the case, he accused me of hating men.

Okay then.

GCMadamXXWomen Create Life · Sept. 18, 2019, 7:20 p.m. · 1 reply

He sounds like a dick.

trawid2016 · Sept. 19, 2019, 4:37 p.m.

I see what you did there.

labryssalthere is no such thing as a lesbian with a penis · Sept. 19, 2019, 11:12 a.m. · 1 reply

Audible recommendations?

GCMadamXXWomen Create Life · Sept. 20, 2019, 12:48 a.m.

A Brief History of Misogyny is excellent. It is written and narrated by a man but this allows a level of dispassionate analysis which I felt was good. It covers a lot of ground and doesn’t pull punches.

trawid2016 · Sept. 19, 2019, 4:34 p.m.

I don't know where to put this. My 2nd marriage to a trans/agp/gay guy is the gift that keeps on giving.

Its taken me three years to process all of his lies and BS. I started with a new therapist and just dove in from the first session. Today I was talking about how my ex went from a high libido man who couldn't keep his hands off me to low libido almost over night.

And he also changed sexually in a lot of strange ways. I was so confused and soe t years trying to figure out what the hell happened and how we could get the spark back.

So I told the therapist today about this and that our therapist suggested he get his testosterone tested. He immediately said "I don't want it to change my personality."

We convinced him to get tested and I went with him to the appt when he would get the results because I no longer trusted him. (I should have divorced him over that.)

The dr said at age 37 he had the testosterone of an 80 year old and wrote him a Rx for T replacement. He got agitated and said he didn't want it to change his personality. The dr stayed calm and said that's not what happens and he can just take the Rx and think about it. He seemed to want to argue but she wasn't having it.

We left and he wouldn't talk to me on the aay home. We got home and he went to the bed and laid there not moving or talking for half an hour. I threatened to call 911 if he didn't start talking and he came out of it.

I told the therapist this today and he said "have you thought that he might have been on a testosterone blocker?" The second he said it I knew it was true. There is no reason for a healthy man in his 30's to have testosterone that low.

That would explain why his libido crashed and why none of his excuses and explanations made any sense whatsoever. (He was tired, he was stressed, we didn't do enough activities together, I was too spontaneous, but he wouldn't plan it, sex felt like a chore).

This explains why he started crying about 4 months in and said he felt like our relationship was only about sex. What he meant is he was going to start taking blockers and it was going to stop initiating and start rejecting me and having boring sex once a week.

This explains why the first time he rejected me he said "I know if I don't take you in the bedroom you are going to slap me in the face ."

I'm pretty sure he got them online although they do prescribe them for men with bothersome fetishes. Who knows.

I am trying to process this. I was in a relationship and marriage and had no idea who I was really with. Then he came out as trans.

I feel really sad and down. I think I have everything figured out and then there is another level of deception and gaslighting and manipulation.

Thanks for reading if you got this far.

gencritthrowwww · Sept. 21, 2019, 4:24 p.m.

I got banned from r/mypartneristrans. I'm kind of surprised. I don't think I said anything transphobic, and I was actively trying to be inoffensive (called the husband she, etc).

A woman posted asking for advice in supporting her trans husband through difficult times. Said difficult times were that he was using all her spare income and time to fund and enable his surgeries. She said he was depressed because he had to have a breast implant removed, and that set back his tracheal shave. She expressed regret that her peers were buying houses and having kids, but she was "hemorrhaging money" from the surgeries. I basically told her to focus on herself, because it isn't fair for someone to take advantage of their partner like that. I suggested that he buy the surgeries with his own money, because they're cosmetic and voluntary. Not urgent. Because if they separate, she will have nothing left.

I'm assuming the ban is because I called the surgery cosmetic (are they a sub that bans anyone who posts here?). But really, even if your dysphoria is unbearable, no reasonable and compassionate person would put fucking electrolysis above saving money for their and their partner's future. He's completely leeching her... What if they have an actual emergency? Maybe she has a sudden medical problem? Will he just be happy to let her wait for treatment because at least he got his hair removed and throat reduced? It's frighteningly irresponsible, and the OP seemed resigned to her fate, so I really hope my post got through to her. The other posts were all about supporting him... One basically said "I'm sure he knows how much you're doing for him!" Made me sick. Yes, what a good wife she is for throwing away her life to subsidize his plastic surgery. No fucking way he appreciates her if he's asking that of her.