Weekly Open Thread: Bulletins, chat, advice, personal stories, activism reports, questions, concerns, etc
OPEN THREAD Submitted Oct. 28, 2019, 5:37 a.m. by AutoModeratorTime to take up this week's Open Thread with topics chosen by you, our subscribers, 40,000 strong and growing. Post and discuss any topic!
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any advice?
there was a private chat made from loose friends, and at some point personal topics were brought up. i mentioned not wanting dick, then someone started saying shit like "what if it was a girl with a dick"
obviously i grew suspicious, and questioned if the person was a TiM. i looked at their twitter, and there's trans stuff on it.
i feel kind of gross due to the fact that they never disclosed this before we talked a lot about sensitive subjects (sexual topics, personal stories).
we had gotten along fine before, as I had assumed they were a gay female as well (talked about having a gf and being gay), but now i feel manipulated. before i found out, i would often give them encouragement or compliments when they felt down, because i thought they just had low self esteem / gay trauma, but now it just feels dirty, like they were using me for their own validation.
unfortunately we are in the same chat and class (online), which has other social accounts linked, so i can't just block and move on. i'm unsure how to navigate this, other than just decreasing contact with them. it sucks cause i liked the class server, but it seems i'll be pulling away from it.
i guess i just needed to vent, but also would like advice on how to deal with this.
There's a post on askfeminists that asks if T*RFS are damaging to feminism. The comments are peak libfem nonsense. Take a gander:
DONE MORE DAMAGE THAN MEN Y'ALL
How will women's rights suffer if trans ideology isn't made front and center? If anything it's the opposite.
#Ironic
LGBTQ*P*XYZ+-×÷
Coming soon...
"Taking away from men will hurt women sooner or later"
Lmao
I searched for the sub, the result: 1) the sub AF, 2) Men's Rights, 3) feminism. (took a screenshot, such an accurate search result!)
Has anyone had a chance to read this article on a Canadian family asking for tax credit for their surrogate births? Surrogacy in itself is a very gray ethical area, but this request for governmental support for the commodification of reproductive functions is bizarre.
I can understand the rationale behind the state supporting adoption, as it will result in net gain for society- another child out of the foster system and improved life outlook. But this is bizarre. Why are tax payers meant to subsidize this life choice? After all, only the rich can afford this service currently.
No discussion of what the surrogate mother gains(if anything) through the state by undergoing this. They mention the mother developed gestational diabetes and that they covered medical costs associated with it, but will they support on-going costs through the mother's life as a result of the birth?
Would love to hear some thoughts.
Lol they want to recoup the privilege of Parenthood via 100 thousand dollars.
I feel for women that cant have children, but it is my understanding that adoption is very affordable in Canada. Here in the US it's insanely rigorous and expensive even though we've lost hundreds of thousands of kids over the years to crap foster homes.
Pregnancy to term isn't a right. It's just a biological fact that some can and some can't. I disagree with a tax credit for doing it. Does the surrogate mother get a credit for counseling because my understanding is that therapy isn't a covered universal thing in Canada.
Adoption might be affordable here, but adopting a newborn infant means years and years on waiting lists. Adopting an older child with extra challenges is more do-able, but that's not what people want.
Surrogacy is one more step towards handmaidens. Just as we have people defending prostitution and porn because "it is just poor women running their own business" we'll have people supporting surrogacy that way. Bleah.
There are times life sucks and we don't get what we want. My heart goes out to all the women who wish they could have kids but are unable to. However, their pain does not justify turning women into rent-a-wombs.
Anyone else creeped out by the growing amount of users participating here with 88 in their name? I wholeheartedly wish they didn't feel welcome here.
What does it mean?
It's a white supremacist dogwhistle for the nazi salute (Heil Hitler).
Yuk
I'd just assumed that was the year they were born, had no idea it was a nazi thing 😞
Ew! I hadn't noticed.
If you see it, report it to mods. They aren't welcome here.
There’s a group of people from the drama subreddit who create alts and then post incendiary things here on gendercritical so they can go back on drama and laugh about it.
My guess is that it’s probably them doing this 88 stuff for shits and giggles. Please report these jerks if you see them.
Gross. I didn't notice that. I have noticed many users who seem very new to feminism (or not feminist at all.)
So, "gender euphoria" is just a euphemism for like, an erection/being turned on for TiMs, right? These dudes sure are euphoric a lot when they talk about their "boobs bouncing" or whatever. 🙄 I'm sick of these men being turned on by pornified caricatures of womanhood.
Yes, precisely. It's how they claim not to have AGP despite getting boners at the thought of, or while pretending to be, women.
Gender euphoria?! LMFAO. How do people buy this fucking shit. Are woke points the new currency
Wait, you don’t feel euphoric from your gender?
I thought it was, by sheer gender power, just orgasms all the time!
Yeah. Just replace "gender euphoria" with "boner" and it's quite clear what it actually means.
I was explaining how the drug industry is undermining the effects of the gender-changing drugs on puberty, and that if children cannot consent to sex they shouldn't consent to sexual changes
"wow I have never reasoned with a TERF before"
that was when I realized I fit the same category. but I have always held the same beliefs. trans men are invading our financial support spaces for women who cannot take their womanhood off to escape abuse.
I was talking to my dad about the case in DFW today and our family friend is a Dr who was on a medical forum for Drs and made a comment about how medically transitioning children sounds like child abuse immediately other Drs dm'd him saying he needs to delete and not comment along those lines because his career will be over. Not that they disagreed, but that it will anger people so badly that they will seek to destroy his career.
Anyway your point is a very good one. My dad also said wait 15 years when kids are grown up and you've chemically ruined their lives and they can't walk it back. They will sue the AMA, their Drs, and people who have their parents the right to mutilate them. Kids have no idea who they are at 7 and if they do, they will surely be the same at 25
It is actual mutilation in the way it deminishes natural growth. I am qualified to speak about this in my opinion just are your family friend is, but society says "science just creates stuff and it's up to society to decide on the ethics" but I'd rather not have children carry epidemics (antivax) the same way i wouldnt have them genitally mutilated or on sex-changing pills.
First time on this sub tbh
I'm pretty new here myself! I just never really had a place to talk to anyone. On women's subs I used to like it is taboo to even ask any questions respectfully. It's pretty much a closed topic. That was a couple years ago and I was in the well I'll let live no biggie to me, but demanding the radical acceptance that a biological man is a female woman and girl dicks and bathrooms and vitriol isnt cool. I do remember a couple years ago I was able to state how I feel and now I'm left out of my own identity conversation lol. Now I'm here
There are several sister subreddit that collate news stories and information about some of your points (see the side bar). This sub also is using flairs to make it easy to find what is posted here.
Current subscriber count is 44,831. When I joined a few years ago, it was at eight and a half thousand. Nice to see the numbers keep on growing.
To infinity and beyond!
Some FB acquaintances are describing M Murphy and other radfems as white supremacists? Can someone explain wtf they’re talking about?
Because TRAs and handmaidens can't stop themselves from projecting.
How could anyone - even more a... woman (horror!) - not pander to a group of 1st world, white, IT/incel/ middle-class / elite men?!
(no doubt that if it wasn't "white", "1stW", "middle-class" / "elite" men, that would never ever, ever, become a thing)
It is just a way TRAs try to shut down women they don't agree with these days--they figure nobody wants to tarnish themselves by defending a so-called "white supremacist," regardless of whether there is any truth to the accusation or not.
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/26/opinion/new-jersey-high-school-racism.html
Anyone else see this story? Two Indian American teenage boys attacked and urinated on four younger African American girls and apparently it has nothing to do with sexism...
What are some good questions to ask if there is a queer/trans advocate giving a talk at the elementary school that you work at in a very liberal city?
I'm not sure what the speaker is going to talk about, but the event description says:
Regarding the first topic - perhaps ask them if they agree that gender stereotyping is harmful to children, and that it's important to make sure children know there's no such thing as 'boy stuff' and 'girl stuff', it's all just stuff and they can play with and wear whatever they like and still be boys and girls?
1. WHY do we talk about gender with our children?
That question must precede the HOW. Identifying male and female sex is ueseful, and learning about the two types of gametes and their roles in reproduction is useful. Perhaps it is also useful to cover gender stereotypes and how they socially evolved and mention multicultural diversity, such as hair covering, boy makes first kill becomes man, how pink and blue switched genders, how kings once wore lace, makeup, stockings, and high heels, how women fought to be allowed to wear trousers.
2. Non-Binary means a lot of people deny biology and the fact that humams are a sexually dimorphic species. Di means binary. That being said, there is certainly an infinite array of personality expression. Children need encouragement to select pro-social personality expressions.
3. We support all people's human rights by equal opportunity in material necessities such as employment, housing, privacy, access to medical care, food, water, public utilities.
Now I am contemplating Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs for item 3, support for non-binary etc.
From wikipedia:
" Maslow used the terms "physiological", "safety", "belonging and love", "social needs" or "esteem", and "self-actualization" to describe the pattern through which human motivations generally move."
While we all hope to foster members of our community to achieve Self Actualization, that top tier need is not really mandated by the government. The USA nor the UN have deemed Self Actualization to be a Human Right.
However, I think we can all agree that the bottom tier physiological needs ARE human rights. Still, many go hungry in my town. (Maslow included sex in this primal tier, yet it is unconscionable for a community to compel unwilling sex partners to meet this basic need, or to wax its balls.)
Even the second tier need for Safety goes unmet for a huge number of citizens sleeping rough in every city. However, our society does make an effort to improve safety conditions, and should extend equal protection under the law.
Support for all people, regardless of their gender beliefs should be improved and extended for those two basic tiers to be called humane.
The higher up the pyramid you go, the less support can be compelled from society. Rather, belonging and love, social esteem, and self actualization are viewed as meritorious accomplishments. Good character and charisma are required. Popularity, Accolades, and Being Your Ideal Self are earned, not handed out just for existing. Not earning them doesn't mean a person doesn't exist or doesn't deserve basic human rights. They just will putter around with social insecurity, feeling unappreciated, and longing to be a superstar like the vast majority of humanity.
Thanks for letting me get that out of my system. Educators like Maslow's theory, so I hope it helps.
I feel like I might be about to lose my closest friend over gender identity ideology. She came out last year and is in her first same sex relationship, however her gf is now non binary. Everything she's been saying up to this point has been about how awesome it is to finally be with a woman, that their relationship is special because they're both women... and now I watch her tie herself in knots trying to put across the same sentiment but without referring to her gf as a woman. It's not possible obviously. I don't think she'll peak, instead I think we'll inevitably exchange words about it and that'll be the end of our friendship. Obviously the gf will come first. Any words of encouragement from anyone who's been through anything similar would be helpful.
I haven't been in the exact same situation, but I did downgrade a bf to a friend because they got so obsessed with transitioning that they pushed me away. If you want to avoid losing the relationship, you might think about political tactics. Listen without judging, validate what they're feeling even if you don't think it's justified, be gentle if they ask for advice, gracefully exit if it gets heated and you can't express anger directly. You might be the only person with a different perspective who cares enough about the relationship to not write them off.
Thanks for responding, that's good advice - so far I've listened and not expressed my own views, but at some point it will probably be necessary for me to point out to my friend that her gf is female.
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Anyone else notice how the mgtow crowd is similar to tra? I mean that the men going their own way are not. They are just whinging about women.
TRA isn't really about their own independent rights its just about whinging about women as well.
The amount of validating both groups need via hate speech and whinging is about the same. Same topics basically or a ton of overlap anyway. If you played a game and said a phrase parroted by either, I bet you could not tell you said it if you took out their slurs for women
I am speaking out more. Slowly speaking out more... probably going to lose my part time work because of it, but glad to be speaking out.
Hi, I tried to create a topic but it is not shown and I do not know why. Could you look into that ?
LOL
Woman in my country: creates female-only carpool service because she's been sexually harassed by males
Men: complain, complain, complain
Fuck these grotesque, disgusting incels.
I just want to say I'm actually feeling a little bit hopeful about all of this for the first time ever. I know so many women who have hit peak trans. Women like me who maybe haven't read all the right books or didn't take feminist theory in college or didn't go to college at all. Just every day women from all walks of life. I feel like in the last few weeks, the trans lobby have overplayed their hand in front of the world. Yaniv and his hairy balls are being discussed on FB by women I never ever see talking about this trans stuff. I've seen so many people online standing up for Meghan Murphy and the women who went to hear her speak in Toronto. Quite a few positive articles written as well, which I can't even imagine happening a year ago. Men that I know have been talking about that McKinnon sports cheat, running roughshod over women's cycling. Things just feel a little bit different. Anyone else feel like we might be on the cusp of the tide turning?
I think we have a ways to go but things are turning, especially in the medical field. Doctors are speaking out.
Can someone point me to some counterarguments to main Gender Critical points?
Well, one of my social groups has broken up because of my TERFiness 😒. I posted in my private social media a meme saying how periods, pregnancy, etc., happen to women, not people. A member of my group saw it and messaged me, saying that after all her attempts at educating me, she just can't associate with me anymore. She also can't have me in her house for the wellbeing of her TIM boyfriend. Eh, that's fair. Fine. Her life, her house, her rules.
FTR I've voiced my gender critical views once or twice when she and others talk about this stuff, preferring to keep mum because I know we don't all agree, and I know it hurts her to hear an "otherwise intelligent woman say such things." I don't post a ton either for the same reason, though I do upvote content.
As sad as I am to lose this group (and her, honestly, because she was a lovely acquaintance), I felt a weight lift that I didn't know I was carrying. It felt good to finally unashamedly express myself and stop walking on eggshells (that I didn't even realize I was walking on).
I wish them all well.