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remquarqk · Nov. 4, 2019, 11:12 a.m. · 2 replies

Went to a nonprofit comedy show the other day, the comedian (black male) talked about trans rights as a part of his sketch. Called it narcissism---verbatim something like "if you're worried about someone referring to you with the right pronouns, you need to be slapped in the face. God damn this narcissism. You know what my folks are worried about over here in the hood? Fucking crackheads dying in the street. Man I'd love to start worrying about if I was actually a man or not, I mean if that's what you're worried about, your life is pretty fucking good, amirite?"

And this was in a suuuuper liberal, pro-trans area. My reaction was a mix of shock, delight, plus thinking about the equivalent audience reaction if this were to come from a woman. Did anyone yell terf? Nah.

thomyorkesforke · Nov. 5, 2019, 9:07 p.m. · 1 reply

Of course not they never call men TERFs. I just called out a TIF on that earlier.

wonderbeans11 · Nov. 6, 2019, 8:10 a.m. · 2 replies

to be fair, men generally aren't radical feminists. but trans activists definitely disproportionately target gender-critical women.

thomyorkesforke · Nov. 6, 2019, 8:20 a.m.

True. But they don’t even seem to call out men in general for saying anything “transphobic” they just ignore them

Revanchist890 · Nov. 6, 2019, 7:22 p.m.

It doesn't matter that most men aren't radfems. By TERF they almost always mean the part about trans ideology...instead of the radfem part. TRAs use the term exclusively as a slur to dismiss, ostracize, and silence women because society sees the term they same as if you were called a bigot. If a black woman had said the exact same thing as this man, they would have yelled "TERF" in a split second. But a man can say what he said and not have it immediately dismissed and filed under bigotry.

leho1995 · Nov. 7, 2019, 2:10 a.m.

I think TIMs attack "TERFs" more, because they prove that their appropriated version of feminism is bullshit and that they're not progressive, in fact, their ideology is really backwards and conservative. We are more of a threat to them than e.g. the Republican party, I agree with that.

JohnMayerInABearSuit · Nov. 4, 2019, 11:43 a.m. · 4 replies

My uncle died last night and I just feel I don’t I get to say goodbye. I don’t have the money to go to the funeral in Hawaii and my husband is out of the country on business and can’t come home soon then next week.

terf_fret · Nov. 4, 2019, 1:30 p.m.

My condolences to you.

angrytardis · Nov. 4, 2019, 3:23 p.m.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Erotsppat · Nov. 5, 2019, 5:44 a.m. · 1 reply

Really sucks that you’re missing the funeral. I am guessing your husband needs to be home because of kids?

JohnMayerInABearSuit · Nov. 5, 2019, 1:11 p.m.

My husband is out of the country for work and can’t leave his project till next week the funeral is tomorrow.

ekb88 · Nov. 5, 2019, 9:50 a.m.

I’m so sorry. Perhaps there’s some sort of ritual you can do to commemorate his passing? A few years ago an aunt of mine died in my parents home country and I couldn’t go because my passport had expired. I went to mass here on the day of the funeral as a way myself to mark her passing.

I’m sorry for your loss.

(comment deleted or removed) · 2 replies
GCMadamXX · Nov. 4, 2019, 5:24 p.m.

Can you get it from the library? Unless the author (who is still living) has specifically uploaded this book for free use, sharing PDFs is stealing from her livelihood.

ooma_theremin · Nov. 4, 2019, 9:42 p.m.
raddy-set-go · Nov. 4, 2019, 12:45 p.m. · 2 replies

Just an anecdote which for me brings home the intrusiveness and entitlement of random men.

Last night I went to my local shop to pick up a few essentials and the female cashier complimented what I was wearing. A bit random but nice. Not just randomly asking/demanding shit from me.

About ten minutes later I see some guy taking a selfie whilst charging past in a car at definitely way past the speed limit, the fucker could've lost control and killed someone all so he can look what he perceives to be cool and boost his ego. Literally seconds later another random guy just starts... asking me for things. Not a homeless guy (at least not appearing like one) just standing outside a pub on what I assumed was a smoke break.

First he asked me for a light, I don't smoke so I replied honestly that I didn't have one. Then he asks me for 10p and he had already "engaged" me at that point so I thought it petty to refuse such a piffling amount. I fished out 10p from my purse and give it to him. Then he asks for a pound... now for me this wasn't at all about the money. I've no issue giving spare change to the homeless for instance so they can get a coffee or something.

But it was the casual nature with which he asked, like it was a totally normal and reasonable thing to ask for one thing, then just keep asking for more, simply because he could, that really got to me. I just said "no sorry" and speed-walked away. I'm more pissed off about it a day later. It's weird because for me it's small random things like that which have started to bring home to me just why I feel so uncomfortable leaving my house these days to go to the local shop to stock up on tea.

secondwaverevival · Nov. 4, 2019, 12:50 p.m. · 2 replies

What a creep!

I never give money to homeless men. I feel really bad about it sometimes bc I’ve been impoverished and shit but they’re still men and probably still predators. I can give that money to women in need instead.

raddy-set-go · Nov. 4, 2019, 1:02 p.m. · 1 reply

I do prioritise women these days simply because they're far more vulnerable, especially with women's shelters being shut down all over the place (my local one not long ago made news for being a target of TIMs campaigning for its closure because they weren't allowed in) but recently there was a homeless guy who looked in such a bad way that my heart went out to him and I bought him a hot drink from a nearby cafe. I'm of the opinion that small kindnesses like that never hurt but yeah I can appreciate what you're saying.

TheChunkyCheeks · Nov. 4, 2019, 2:29 p.m.

I think that's different, you buying him a hot drink. He didn't demand anything, he wasn't sneaky about his intentions, he didn't ask you for money without even telling you why he needed it like in OPs case. I support small acts of kindness like that. I generally don't give anything to anyone, but there are exceptions and you can usually spot those in serious need. (I haven't seen any homeless women where I live, it's just men.)

terf_fret · Nov. 4, 2019, 1:32 p.m. · 2 replies

After a couple gang rapes of homeless women by homeless men in my area, I stopped giving the men money.

secondwaverevival · Nov. 4, 2019, 2:31 p.m.

🤢

raddy-set-go · Nov. 4, 2019, 8:34 p.m.

Jesus Christ. Yeah that would give me second thoughts too.

girl_undoneMake Feminism Scary Again · Nov. 4, 2019, 1:43 p.m.

But it was the casual nature with which he asked, like it was a totally normal and reasonable thing to ask for one thing, then just keep asking for more, simply because he could, that really got to me.

Yeah, because it sounds like he is a practiced scammer. Get you feeling bad about not having the first thing, foot in the door with the tiny thing, now that you've got your wallet open ask for a bigger thing.

fanofswords · Nov. 4, 2019, 12:56 p.m. · 1 reply

I just called always and explained why I feel that the change in period packaging is frankly inappropriate and unacceptable.

They told me that they would make a final decision by January.

I also said this,

If always wants to be a company that continues to make money, it doesn't make sense to ignore the wishes of 99% to please 2 -3% of the population.

Haha I can't believe that I said this.

remquarqk · Nov. 5, 2019, 1:07 p.m.

Ha so true

The problem is a lot of the 99% are shamed into not seeing the reality of the situation

GCMadamXX · Nov. 4, 2019, 5:37 p.m. · 3 replies

This isn't worthy of it's own post but I just came across this review for a feminist novel called "The Power". I have highlighted certain parts with my comments in italics in brackets.

Is it me or is this some misogynistic bullshit?

During the early 21st century, women develop an electrical power that is expelled from their fingers and can be used to shock or kill. As the Power spreads, it ushers in a new religious and political order run by strongwomen, ending with a worldwide war between the sexes. Historical documents from the Cataclysm era interrupt the novel to signal that we are reading about the past. The framework suggests comparison to Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale, which is unfortunate because while Alderman's (Disobedience) book won the Bailey's Women's Prize, it fails on multiple levels. There's a flimsy explanation of how women got the Power (from a liquid introduced into water systems during World War II to protect against nerve gas, but then why are only females affected?), and the worldbuilding is just as bad. It turns out that it isn't possible to create a believable world from a pastiche of Facebook feeds and Reddit threads, and in any case we need some evidence that misogyny is a worldwide problem and not just a personal one (Pretty sure misogyny IS a worldwide problem). Pre-Power women's victimization is generalized and in some cases assumed (Muslim women are oppressed)(yeah, ALL women are oppressed), and however tragic, the backstories crafted for the strongwomen are poorly imagined and serve only to justify war crimes and transnational drug dealing during the revolution. The narrative abounds with stock characters such as the ambitious woman (horrors!), the victim, the misogynist Middle Eastern king (OMG so far-fetched), and a good guy with a camera, and almost everyone is a background player to Allie and Roxy, the architects of the Cataclysm. There's also hard-charging female politician Margo, a set piece going nowhere. With Margo, we have to fill in the blanks ourselves; we know she's ambitious, for instance, because she let her husband raise the kids (LET her husband raise the kids? WTF?). In the end, by focusing on the few and most violent women to make her point, the author ignores the complicated nature of power. Societies fail through the daily capitulation to power and privilege, to self-serving silence and the abdication of individual agency, which is what makes The Handmaid's Tale so powerful and so relevant. Verdict Ripped from the headlines but lacking in verisimilitude, this is a book about power through a narrow lens. Readers will be talking about it, but it is not recommended.

reviewed by a LIBRARIAN in a Library Journal!

womeninlove · Nov. 5, 2019, 12:39 a.m.

Is it me or is this some misogynistic bullshit?

It is misogynistic bullshit.

Erotsppat · Nov. 5, 2019, 5:48 a.m.

This type of thing gets my blood boiling so much. It’s the dressing up the blatant, stupid, unsophisticated misogyny in such high falutin language. “Anyway, we need some evidence that hunger is a problem, so anyway, the book is no good because there wasn’t a chart with proof that will scream in the voice of god “Behold, It Exists!” Anyway... so I’m a smart person so I know to ask for proof for obvious things and I don’t trust my eyes and ears and only charts and numbers and statistics put together by basement dweller nerds, so anyway....”

EquivalentApple · Nov. 7, 2019, 3:29 a.m. · 1 reply

Jesus Christ. Is that reviewer a TIM?

GCMadamXX · Nov. 7, 2019, 11:19 a.m.

I don’t think so. Just a f*ckwit

TIFwithIssues · Nov. 5, 2019, 2:06 a.m. · 6 replies

Hey, I'm learning a lot about human sexuality from radfem perspective and it's quite illuminating. It has surprisingly a bit of the same issues as mainstream sexuology - a lot about male desire (HSTS, AGP, pseudo-bi, womb envy, forced fem, estrogen as fetish object, anime, pedophilia, furries, bondage...) and very little about female desire (yaoi bad, maledom/femsub bad and that's mostly it). Good deconstruction of male pornsickness is a great thing, but I have a couple of questions on the female side of the equation:

  • Is it possible for a woman to be pseudo-bisexual? That is, can a straight TIF fantasize about/have sex with women because she gets turned on being treated as a "real straight man"? With all this sexist eye candy everywhere (ads, music videos) I wouldn't find it surprising for a straight woman to put on a "male gaze googles".
  • GAMP (or "liking traps" in the internet lingo). How common it is in women? Is there a flipside in women who like bearded ladies/hardcore tomboys?
  • Penis envy. The mainstream feminist idea is that it's not a thing and it's actually a projection of the devious XY's and their womb envy. Is it, though? Of course, not in a "I need my clit to be mutated to be a whole human being" but in a sense of sexual curiosity. One of the bigger newspapers in my country published a "if you could transform into the opposite sex, why would you do it?" survey a few years ago and roughly 30-35% of women said "to experience sex or masturbation with a penis" while 20-25% wanted male privilege. Hell, I think even scratching nuts was higher than equal treatment. (Notes: multiple answers allowed, country Catholic as heck, I've seen the paper years ago and don't have it now.) The logic I think is - nature sold us short as far as pleasure options go. Men can be penetrated or penetrate, women can only be penetrated. Or do most women not think of penetrating the objects of their desire/find the idea disgusting?

Erotsppat · Nov. 5, 2019, 5:55 a.m. · 1 reply

Re #1: On the show Portlandia, the female character often crossdresses and puts on this whole macho body language thing and is all sliding under the car to repair it and asking the “honey” to “fix some dinner” etc. I always think it must be so arousing! I feel horny seeing her in that role! But that’s just a woman messing around and role playing. You don’t have to change gender for it.

But I think more importantly, it’s often discussed here that the motivation for TiFs is probably not sexual but internalized misogyny. Based on what we hear from TiFs versus TiMs, it makes a lot of sense. I think female transitioners are really not driven by sexual arousal related to them being men. Read the stories of detrans women and you’ll see it.

Re #3: Penis envy and Freudian sexualization of everything is bullshit. I don’t trust those stupid surveys. They are simplistic and they build answers into the questions. One thing is for sure: Penis envy isn’t what drives the TiF thing.

TIFwithIssues · Nov. 5, 2019, 6:54 a.m. · 1 reply

I'm a TIF/FTT/GID sufferer/whatever, and penis envy does drive my thing. If I saw the reflection of my feelings in detrans stories, I wouldn't be asking dumb questions here.

Like, it actually surprises me that women don't think about having penises/penetrating others. I would actually guess that males transition due to internalised homophobia or somesuch, because they already have a perfectly functional orfice, complete with their own G-spot (and no risk of pregnancy!). But penises! Take a clitoris, with all it's fun, make it so big and rigid you can stick it into hot people - what's not to love? I thought that having a penis or at least a large clitoris (like what hyenas have) would be a common female fantasy. Shit, maybe I should change my flair to "unironically circumgender". Note to self - straight women don't look at guys bending over and lesbians don't look at women in bikini and think "damn, I'd ram into him/her like a truck till he/she can't walk". I do both.

It's weird, because as a kid I would drift off to sleep to fantasies of being a monster, kidnapping girls and making them have my monster babies (and that was after I knew how babies are made, so it wasn't holding hands/getting married). As a teen I made those little pump thingies out of syringes to masturbate with (and injured myself with the first few faulty models). My first porn exposure was at 17 and I was never assaulted, so it is beyond me why am I like that. Maybe because my vagina is broken (I'm 20 and it has never been lubed up properly), so my horniness found a different outlet.

I would actually be shocked if penis fetish didn't play at least some role for some TIFs. A good chunk of testosterone threads on most platforms is asking about "dick gains". Packing is a thing - goddamnit, if "gender euphoria" from a guy twirling in a skirt is actually sexual arousal, you can't tell me "euphoria" from a gal keeping a fake donger in her pants is not sexual. People who think TIFs couldn't possibly be doing it for fetish reasons have clearly never heard of pleasure rods NSFW. Shit, who do you think is buying those skin-like anatomical ejaculating strap ons? There are not nearly enough wacky gardening accidents to blame it on males.

Erotsppat · Nov. 5, 2019, 8:47 a.m. · 1 reply

Oh I am sorry! Didn’t notice your handle. This is way not something I should open my fat mouth on - I can neither speak to the TIF or lesbian experience to the depth you need to unpack it. I think it would be appropriate for you to ask these questions here as a post. I know it’s less scary to make a comment, but this thread rarely gets a lot of action, and a post will get you lots of answers.

Are you reconsidering your transition? I see you don’t have a lot of comment history to explain your story. I think it would be helpful to say in the post where you are at with your journey and also maybe what brought you here. There are insanely intelligent women on this forum who will be able to discuss these things with you. I know these things have been talked about. The ways in which sexual desire gets shaped, lesbian sex/desire experiences, what might make you want to be a “monster” (besides that the babies would have no problems of being inbred, lol) and other ways we are weird and freaky and human and complex and try to make our way in a rough world. Read old posts. Use search in the sub.

TIFwithIssues · Nov. 5, 2019, 2:43 p.m. · 1 reply

I think I'll make a full topic sometime later. Don't feel sorry, it's alright.

Are you reconsidering your transition?

That's actually hard to say. I've learned a lot about hormone and surgery risks thanks to this sub. (I also learned about how healthy female anatomy is supposed to work - apparently, you're not supposed to feel a gut punch after orgasm, it's a testosterone side-effect. If you have it without T, sucks for you I guess.) However, the only procedure I feel any significant doubt about is the final surgery, which has two options and both suck. I'll stick to strap-ons until there's a bioprinted dick on the market /s but only a bit

Bear in mind, my puberty went wonky as shit - I have facial hair, I'm still growing in height at 20, my voice is cracked etc. I do not look like a Chad, but I've had the "Sir! What are you doing in the women's bathroom" "...changing my pad" conversation more than I can count. I also feel like I missed out on a lot of female social experiences, because I often find myself unable to understand why women are upset/scared/uncomfortable in normal/neutral scenarios. "Reconsidering your transition" would be more of a transition than embracing the FTT dark side tbh. What I'm doing at the moment is mostly going with the flow.

what might make you want to be a “monster”

...My sexual sadism? My rage explosions that made me beat my classmates as a child? My lifelong murder and torture fantasies that went from "cartoon with some blood" to "gore and titties" the second puberty hit? I know you have good intentions, but I'm just a smidge more fucked up that you assumed.

Read old posts. Use search in the sub.

I've read through a lot of them. That's why I'm here, because I haven't found satisfactory answers in them or in the sidebar links, or in, you know, actual irl radfem literature (btw, "The Dialectic of Sex" 👍👍👍). I didn't pop in here without preparation.

Yeah, better to make a topic later.

Erotsppat · Nov. 5, 2019, 7:01 p.m.

Hey, I have a pretty hard past so I’m pretty fucked up myself and I don’t judge. I know some women here might be blunt and I think unkind about messed up sexualities (some are very judgmental about bdsm fantasies even though it’s often not a choice or a result of porn at all) but I think you can learn a lot by asking in a post directly. Also, with regards to searching, just a suggestion - put “penis envy” into the search bar or even use one of those reddit search websites that can pull up even deleted posts.

Did you read up about the correlation between women who are on the spectrum and TiFs? Put autistic in the search bar. It’s another oft cited reason and it is a part of what might make it hard to relate to other women.

From my experience, changing course in life is hard as fuck. In the short term, it’s easier to keep going in the direction you’re going rather than confronting a whole new direction. But I so hope you’ll find it in you to be brave enough to at least fully understand all the reasons behind your transition, and to ask yourself if that is really what is best for you.

RepresentativeNose7 · Nov. 5, 2019, 1:41 p.m. · 1 reply

nature sold us short as far as pleasure options go.

How so? I can’t say I’ve invested a ton of time in reading about sexuality or anything, just reflecting on my own experiences - but I find orgasms are amazing? We’re not stuck with one at a time like men are, can have multiples, can have multiples that continuously build to a massive one.... tons of variety in that experience, anyway. Focusing on sensations (the subjective experience) vs what can be done mechanically or anatomically is the way to go, IMO, and in that sense I don’t find us limited, quite the opposite

TIFwithIssues · Nov. 6, 2019, 3:13 p.m. · 1 reply

Orgasms are pretty chill, but the uterine contractions hurt like a motherlover and I actually can't have multiples (I need to reload/rest because the bits go numb for a while). I'm pretty sure that most women oversell them, because I've never had the "whole body flares up, nipples twinkle, you see eternity" stuff, it's just tension in your crotch going away. Not being able to penetrate is an issue when you can't be penetrated either (my vagina doesn't self-lubricate). All I have left is masturbation or foreplay (or anal I guess).

Besides it's not really academical curiosity, it's just urges. I see a hot person, I just think about sticking it. I masturbate a metric fuckton because I'm constantly sexually frustrated.

EquivalentApple · Nov. 7, 2019, 3:22 a.m.

You shouldn’t generalise from your own experience tbh. Women’s sexuality is much more varied than men’s.

Now I’m going to do exactly what I just warned you about. Sorry but the way you describe your sexuality, with the overemphasis on penetration, the underwhelming orgasms, the arousal pattern and so on, sounds like stereotyped male sexuality (though obviously Not All Men, some men are sexually more complex, etc.)It really does sound like your gender issues might be causing you to subconsciously limit your capacity for pleasure.

A couple of hours with weed, good music and a good vibrator would be my recipe for breaking through it if you are, but you do you.

FeistyDinner · Nov. 5, 2019, 2:34 p.m.

I have what I would describe as penis curiosity. I am very much a biological woman and am very happy about that, but it’s like a morbid curiosity for having a penis. I like strap ons for this reason (as well as pegging, like a nicer version of Gogo in Kill Bill stabbing that dude in the stomach to penetrate him). It’s fun to pretend to helicopter dick out of pure silliness too. I don’t want an actual penis or a fake one full time, though. I’m not sure that counts as penis envy.

throwaway322019 · Nov. 5, 2019, 5:50 p.m. · 2 replies

Posting from a throwaway for privacy reasons...

I think I can relate to some of your struggles. I am also a biological woman who has what might be described as "penis envy". When I masturbate, my fantasies all involve me physically penetrating a man/woman with my penis (or other phallic object), often in situations where my sex partner is vulnerable and submissive. I've basically internalized the male gaze present in porn, so that I can't imagine sex in any other position. It's deeply messed me up, and it's the reason why I started lurking on GC, because I know my sexual wiring has been warped by the porn/hentai/erotica I consumed during puberty, and I hate it. I never wanted to "be a man" as a prepubescent child (all my heroes were women, my self-insert was always a woman, etc), so I don't think this is some immutable identity - it's social conditioning coupled with the utter lack of positive models of active female desire during my formative years.

Anyway, that's my background. Now onto your questions...

1) Yes, I've struggled with pseudo-bisexuality in the sense that I want to be the penetrative partner, and in almost all media, the receptive partner is female. It's not about wanting to be a "real straight man", it's more like my mind has been hijacked by the ubiquitous male gaze goggles, and I've learned to sexualize women's bodies. I don't want to be the sexual object, so I've aligned with the implied male subject. In reality, I've only been attracted to and dated biological men - very pretty, smooth-faced face, often slightly effeminate men, but still definitely men with all the plumbing intact.

2) Afraid I've never heard of this or desired it, so can't answer the question.

3) I've already discussed this at length above. The only thing I'll add is that I've attempted to solve this problem by engaging in strap-on sex (a lot of men like it, actually!), aka, pegging. My experiences have been pretty positive. I know I'll never be able to feel what it's like to enter another person's body, which is kind of disappointing, but I'll take that tradeoff for the multiple orgasms (thanks, clitoris) and lack of erectile dysfunction in later life. As I've come to realize from talking to men, having a penis isn't all that great. I just wish there was a strap-on on the market that can stimulate me properly while I'm actively thrusting... but that's an engineering problem we can definitely solve.

I hope this has been helpful. Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss more.

gayorles57 · Nov. 5, 2019, 8:13 p.m. · 1 reply

I just wish there was a strap-on on the market that can stimulate me properly while I'm actively thrusting

Feeldoes can do this! Generally they're used for F/F sex though. No idea if the mechanics would work for F/M.

throwaway322019 · Nov. 6, 2019, 12:51 a.m.

Feeldoes are a step up, but I was actually thinking of a dual internal/external vibrator, since I need clit stimulation to get off. It would be even cooler if the vibrator got feedback from the penetrative end of the strap-on dildo. Something like the (sadly defunct) Ambrosia Vibe.

TIFwithIssues · Nov. 6, 2019, 4:09 p.m.

Hey, a lot of what you say is pretty interesting and rings true for me - except for one key detail. As you said, you messed your brain up with porn. I unfortunately have sex issues going back to way before I first looked at porn - and when I got to that point, I actually found porn too tame for me. I wrote a lot, and all my self inserts were violent males. I'm not sure how much we'll get from that conversation, but I will PM you later.

About pleasure in both sexes - I am unfortunately incapable of mutiple orgasms, and the way I see it, the guy with erectile problems can at least receive anal, so only 50% of his sexuality is off-limits due to age. I don't have this option, because I have no prostate and the front entrance doesn't lubricate. The worst of both worlds ayyyy

About wanting to enter someone/actually feel penetration - there are at least three options for that. The closest thing are pleasure rods, which I mentioned somewhere in this thread - little fleshlights you put inside a hollow strap-on (works only with a big/stiff clitoris). There's also a lot of strap-ons (usually tagged as "double-pleasure" or "self-stimulating") that have vibrators or dildos to stimulate yourself while humping your partner. The third option is a little masturbator I McGuyvered as a horny teen - you take a syringe, cut off the front bit, put tissues/fabric and lube inside (this step I have discovered after my first few models cut up my clitoral hood, don't hump sharp plastic ya'll), place on the clitoris, pull the plunger so the pressure sucks you up, hump to completion. Not sure if it's normal or perverted or if any other gal had this spark of genius during puberty.

Revanchist890 · Nov. 6, 2019, 7:39 p.m.

The way society sees heterosexual intercourse as "vagina being penetrated" is based entirely on patriarchy and connotes female sexuality as passive and submissive. I believe it was Dworkin who made some excellent points on this. If patriarchy and misogyny didn't exist, the language and mindset would be very different. Instead of "penetrating and being penetrated" you would have it be about the vagina engulfing the penis (patriarchal society) or simply the man and woman meld, join, copulate (society that is neither a patriarchy nor patriarchy). Also, I believe the vast majority of women would want to be a man in this world because of male privilege, or simply to know what it is like to experience life normally and be viewed and treated as a full human being, instead of being dealt the role of inferior/object because of your biological sex (which is something men take for granted in patriarchal society) not because of sexist bullshit like "penis envy".

creme_tea · Nov. 8, 2019, 1:23 a.m.

I don't know if there's been much study into it, but in my experience, pseudobisexuality in TiFs is often the opposite to the way it manifests in TIMs. I've seen quite a few women who identified as "gay trans men" who were 100% male oriented when they identified as trans, but upon desisting/detransitioning they realized they were lesbians.

It's really weird how common this is, and I wish there was more study into the psychology of this. I've also met a lot of lesbians who had no interest in transitioning who were really into m/m erotica exclusively when they were first discovering themselves as sexual people, and although I am bisexual, I also had that experience and I really am not sure what it's all about, but it's definitely a thing and I wonder about it a lot.

rosapompomgirlande · Nov. 5, 2019, 10:14 a.m. · 2 replies

Can anyone recommend radical feminist papers and other pieces of writing on prostitution? And is there a term other than prostitution and "sex work" that I could use? I'm planning on writing my Bachelor's thesis (Sociology) on prostitution. When I discussed my ideas with my professor, she made sure to inform me that I will find a lot of literature under "sex work". I am not sure if she considers the term prostitution biased, but I definitely do not want to describe it as sex work. I have to stay in a neutral position, but I'd like to have very strong arguments against prostitution.

womenopausalthe radical notion that women don't have penises · Nov. 6, 2019, 5:37 a.m. · 1 reply

Have you looked in r/Anti_Prostitution? I have a pet idea to do a proper comparison of two parts of the UK. Ipswich and Leeds. Ipswich went Nordic Modelesque after a serial killer devastated their red light zone; Leeds (Ripper & Saville country) created a decrim zone in Holbeck which sounds like hell on earth for residents. I think a little compare and contrast would be very revealing.

I may have posted about these in the prostitution sub. If I haven't, hit me up and I'll google for you.

rosapompomgirlande · Nov. 6, 2019, 7:31 p.m.

Thank you so much, I subscribed and will look around. The bit about the two UK cities is very interesting and sounds promising for my thesis!

burntmatchesburn3x · Nov. 6, 2019, 5:46 p.m. · 2 replies
morningtea50 · Nov. 5, 2019, 12:12 p.m.

And so it begins. The election today for the governor of Kentucky has recently become focused around the democratic candidate (Who was leading in the polls) and his support of extreme transgender rights - which, as readers of this subreddit know, is the current Democratic platform. Apparently the Republican incumbent was doing very badly and was expected to lose the election until a few weeks ago. That’s when an outside political group started running ads about the full implications of the “trans women are allowed everywhere!” policies being pushed by the Dems.

If the Republican guy wins reelection, I wonder if the Democratic presidential candidates will tone down their support of TiMs being given access to all women’s spaces? Sigh. Probably just wishful thinking.

http://archive.is/F766a

RepresentativeNose7 · Nov. 5, 2019, 1:46 p.m.

DAE find themselves annoyed with women who make their sexuality an important thing to know or experience about them? For example, posting multiple selfies of themselves in sexy outfits. Or women who for example, as a host, will offer to make a special drink for your male partner and not you. Irritating.

kennedykiad · Nov. 5, 2019, 1:55 p.m. · 1 reply

I'm doing a project on women's experiences of menstruation for my final year of University. If anybody would like to fill it in I'd be very grateful to hear your stories! I'm under the impression there's a lot of American women here, and as I'm from Ireland I'd like to get the opportunity to see how women across the world have different experiences.

All information will be anonymised and original data destroyed before my project is over. Link is below! Thanks so much.

https://forms.gle/9JxNNDNyrJjkfAho8

FeistyDinner · Nov. 5, 2019, 3:15 p.m. · 1 reply

Filled it out! Would you be able to share some of the data in the sub after it is compiled? I’m interested in hearing statistics or a conclusion based on how the questions were framed!

kennedykiad · Nov. 5, 2019, 3:23 p.m.

For sure, I'll post a follow up at the end of my research phase. And thank you for filling it out! :)

gcsubthrow · Nov. 5, 2019, 1:57 p.m.

I am so thrilled to have found this sub. It’s sad to me that I have to create a throwaway and can’t have this on my regular account for fear of brutal retaliation for ideas that really aren’t that radical, and shouldn’t be even considered radical by anyone with more than two brain cells to rub together.

A year ago, I was in a bar in Chicago drinking. The bar was dark everywhere and I needed to go to the bathroom. On my search, a door was open with a purple light and a basket with paper towels, so I waltzed right in thinking I was in the ladies room. Upon exiting, a man came through the door and just kept walking towards me as I was stepping back quickly. I didn’t freeze in the traditional sense, but I didn’t yell for help as my heart was pounding out of my chest while he was staring me down. It all happened so fast. He didn’t have an aggressive expression on his face, so I guess that’s why I didn’t scream. When I walked out, I looked for a sign thinking I had mistakenly entered the men’s room. I had not. I had entered a gender neutral bathroom.

I got back to my table and finished my drink in silence, all while wanting to express to someone what happened to me, but didn’t because it would’ve been silly, but I was shaken up from the adrenaline rush and just wanted to process my feelings. I kept silent.

I’ve never told anyone this story for fear of the “mob” or even friends “setting me straight,” but it has since bothered me tremendously.

The bar was loud. Would anyone have heard my screams if the man was a bad actor? The stalls were complete with walls separating each toilet, but would that have mattered? What if a woman needed to get away from a Tinder date gone wrong and needed to call a friend? Where would she go? I think it’s in bad faith to ask women to just tell a worker, they’re busy in bars on a weekend night, ifyou can even find one or shove your way through the hordes of people to tell the bartender! What if a woman went to the bar alone and didn’t have friends looking out for her?

I’m glad this sub exists and I’m glad that a year later I can process my feelings about the situation without fear of retaliation from club woke.

GrendelsScaryMom · Nov. 5, 2019, 3:53 p.m. · 1 reply

I am literally shaking with hurt and fury right now. My niece got married a year or so ago. I saw all the red flags. I gave her the head's up on my concerns. She just asked her mom and dad to come pick her up yesterday. I hope she doesn't go back, but statistics...

His dad tried lecturing her parents about how marriage is about compromise. I mean, she has short hair and she knows his son likes long hair.

You can probably fill in a lot of gaps here. I'm not sure what I want out of posting this here, I just wanted to lance some of the bile I've got building up.

womenopausalthe radical notion that women don't have penises · Nov. 6, 2019, 5:32 a.m. · 1 reply

His dad tried lecturing her parents about how marriage is about compromise. I mean, she has short hair and she knows his son likes long hair.

Oh, dad can fucking burn. Piece of shit.

Keep her away from him for as long as possible. The trauma bond will ping her back. She'll be safe for a bit, and then she'll start to worry. She's been monitoring his moods closely throughout the relationship because her safety relied upon knowing when she can speak and when she must be silent (etc). In her abuser's absence, this source of data will be missing and she'll feel on edge. If he sweet talks her while she's like this, she's vulnerable. I'm glad she has someone onside. Remember to be supportive and not to push too hard, even when you want to. She needs to be with people who aren't coercive, to remember what that feels like. All love to you x

GrendelsScaryMom · Nov. 6, 2019, 4:22 p.m. · 1 reply

Thanks. She has plenty of family ready and willing to help her out, including multiple offers to stay with them/us. They have been living with his family for most of the past year, and now there's some stuff coming out about dad colluding to keep her in check. His parents have been pressuring her HARD to get pregnant ASAP. Their stated reason was that they know their son is an immature, useless, porn-addicted manbaby who is to busy playing video games literally 18 hours a day to apply for a job, but if he becomes a father he will grow up and become responsible. So it's really her fault he is the way he is.

Edit: as far as I know, he has not been violent towards her. He has absolutely been abusive in several other categories.

womenopausalthe radical notion that women don't have penises · Nov. 6, 2019, 9:38 p.m. · 1 reply

Coercive control is more indicative of lethal risk than violence is, and pressuring a woman into pregnancy is extremely coercive. (Also, in a lot of abusive relationships, pregnancy is when violence onsets.)

GrendelsScaryMom · Nov. 6, 2019, 11:38 p.m. · 1 reply

Well yikes. There's a lot of applicable bullet points on that list. Thank you for that eerily relevant information.

womenopausalthe radical notion that women don't have penises · Nov. 6, 2019, 11:42 p.m. · 2 replies

Having the terminology is a great start. I think in our library or in the wiki, or even if you google, there's a PDF out there of 'Why Does He Do That' by Lundy Bancroft. I recommend you, she and everyone else who cares about this woman checks it out.

Continue reading
justhysterical2018 · Nov. 5, 2019, 7:26 p.m. · 1 reply

Rant ahead: i started my period this week and I am one of the women whose moods get fucked by my menstrual cycle. I’ve been obsessively debating about getting an IUD for almost a year now but I’m scared. I get horrific brain fog, exhaustion, depressive symptoms a week or two before my period, have heavy and painful periods on top of that. I feel “good” only 1-2 weeks out of the month.

I was sick last week on top of PMSing and generally being exhausted from school and over scheduling myself socially as I am someone who needs a lot of alone time. This morning I woke up to find I bled onto my brand new sheets overnight. Like I literally took them out of the packaging last night. I cried just because I was frustrated and it’s just a shitty way to wake up lol. I hate my period. I mean, no matter what I do I feel like I’m just wearing my own blood for a few days out of the month. It’s uncomfortable, it’s a nuisance, it’s expensive to manage, it really disrupts my life. Even though I know my periods aren’t totally normal, I still feel shame that I can’t “just deal” with them and feel like throwing a small tantrum on day 1-2. So then I check my email and I have something from my school health center that’s like “NOT ALL PEOPLE WHO HAVE PERIODS ARE WOMEN” and it took all my self control not to just reply “fuck you”. Yes, anyone who menstruates is a woman. It makes me so angry when I see TIMs fetishizing and romanticizing periods and when I see shit like that email. They have no fucking clue. No, not everyone’s period is miserable like mine but at the very least they’re a nuisance that the outside world just makes worse. I’m just angry and feel dirty and wanted to talk to the internet void where some women would get me.

GCMadamXX · Nov. 6, 2019, 1:30 a.m. · 1 reply

Have you tried the pill instead of the iud?

justhysterical2018 · Nov. 6, 2019, 1:44 a.m. · 1 reply

The endocrinologist I saw recommended the IUD over the pill because I mostly am looking for a solution to the mood issues my period brings up. iirc she said the iud would help keep my hormones more stable than the pill would. I think I'm going to set up another consultation with her so she has more time to explain my options in more depth. I did take the pill for a bit in college but stopped taking it when I stopped having sex with men lol. My experience with the pill was mostly neutral but it didn't really make a difference in how my periods feel for me I was just on a consistent schedule.

womeninlove · Nov. 6, 2019, 2:15 a.m. · 1 reply

My experience with the pill was mostly neutral but it didn't really make a difference in how my periods feel for me I was just on a consistent schedule.

If you didn't have a bad experience with it, definitely consider and ask your doctor about a continuous pill so you don't have any "periods" (your "period" on a birth control pill is withdrawal bleeding and unnecessary). This is just the same kind of medication but with no placebos/withdrawal period.

It would help you achieve the same thing as an IUD--the cessation of your periods--but without the potentially 6 month time frame of bleeding, irregularity and additional pain that an IUD can cause for some women.

justhysterical2018 · Nov. 6, 2019, 3:22 a.m. · 1 reply

I didn’t know about the continuous pill thanks for the tip! I will bring it up when I see her :)

GCMadamXX · Nov. 6, 2019, 9:24 a.m. · 1 reply

See this enrages me. Your doctor should have suggested this to you. It’s very straightforward: some pills are tricyclic and contain three different doses of estrogen etc to mimic a monthly cycle while still suppressing ovulation. They include a week of sugar pills during which you get a period. Others are monocyclic? Is that the word? They contain a single dosage that you take all month. They also include sugar pills but you can skip these and skip your period! Millions of women do this! Why didn’t your doctor tell you? I’m so mad.

Continue reading
FeistyDinner · Nov. 5, 2019, 8:34 p.m.

I’ve got to rant and I don’t think it really deserves being its own post: A post popular on Facebook is of a mom being overjoyed her “trans child” got on puberty blockers. And everyone is cheering for it like it’s a huge step forward for mankind. I’m fairly certain it’s just the mom projecting her need to feel special onto her child and has effectively turned the poor kid into a status symbol for the woke. It’s in vogue to have a trans kid. It makes you the cool parent with zero responsibility for your actions. It’s totally the 8 year old deciding they are trans and wanting to be paraded around like a trophy on the internet. /s My daughter is 9 and I can’t imagine her having the mental maturity to comprehend hormone blockers and false hormones. She’s smart as hell but at that age kids go along with what their parents believe because they don’t understand the weight actions carry or independent thought extends past food preferences. They barely understand how bodily functions work despite endless talks about human biology. I’ll be happy when I no longer have to explain how eye strain isn’t emotional stress just because it sounds like it and how they stink even though they don’t smell it on them. How is a child going to know what being trans actually is or what they will want from their bodies in 10 years? I personally went from adamantly childfree as a teen to being a proud mother. I never would have thought in a million years I would have and love kids. I can go on and on. Maybe this does need a post but I’m too emotionally tired to get into a deep discussion. Venting here feels nice.

I’m also just sick and tired of seeing “no one is giving minors hormones” but a short peek around trans subreddits prove that it is rampant. One large sub even has a 15 year old on T as a mod. “They don’t exist” my ass. Plus does no one remember how utterly dumb and lost they were as 15 year olds? I was horrible with decision making and I had no idea who I was despite being 1000% sure I knew at the time. Everyone else I knew was the same. But apparently that’s a great time in a person’s life to make permanent alterations to their body and surround themselves with cult members in an echo chamber.

YaGoiEsketit · Nov. 6, 2019, 10:08 a.m.

It's taking everything for me to not yell at my libfem classmates at this point 😑.

(comment deleted or removed) · 1 reply
heidischallengeFeminist with an agenda · Nov. 7, 2019, 1:44 p.m. · 1 reply

I don’t know much about ectopic pregnancy but I’ve read a lot about vitamins. I don’t think vitamin c will work. In fact, I doubt herbs that are dangerous to pregnancies would work. The category is emennagogue. You have to research what each herb does. I think a lot of them affect the lining of the uterus and would not help in an ectopic pregnancy.

NotHere2FuckSpiders · Nov. 8, 2019, 12:49 p.m. · 1 reply

I think you're right, I am just hoping and praying I miscarry naturally. My hCG levels are slowly rising but hopefully they'll tape off and finally get to zero

heidischallengeFeminist with an agenda · Nov. 8, 2019, 1:57 p.m. · 1 reply

I would seek medical help with this. It could be life threatening.

NotHere2FuckSpiders · Dec. 5, 2019, 2:37 p.m. · 1 reply

I ended up having surgery about 3 weeks ago. I'm fine now.

heidischallengeFeminist with an agenda · Dec. 6, 2019, 11:28 a.m.

glad to hear it!

Feminist_Username · Nov. 7, 2019, 11:39 p.m.

Im going to fool with my best friend by telling her that since I've only been with natal men and trans men, I realized I'm actually straight. I am really looking forward to our subsequent discussion. Licking the vulva of a trans man was a heterosexual act by her definition, and I'm trying as hard as I possibly can to peak her.

She thinks TWAW but I know most TRAs don't really extend the same consideration to TMAM.

I try to bring in a little more cognitive dissonance every time I see her. I had great luck when she compared GID to anorexia, and I was able to point out that we don't give liposuction to them- we try to make them find peace in their own bodies. I'm niggling at her slowly over time. What fun. I love this woman too much to let her indulge in public delusion unquestioned.

creme_tea · Nov. 8, 2019, 1:04 a.m. · 1 reply

Anyway, I just want to get this off my chest.

My ex has gender dysphoria and is a detransitioner. He was gender critical long before I was, and his gender criticalness is why he never completed transition. He never thought he was a woman, or even that he could become one, he just had sex dysphoria and was sort of casting about trying to find a way to live in his body.

Without going into too much detail, I was a pretty serious TRA for 15 years, starting way back in like 1998 when I got introduced to the trans community through ACT UP and the queer punk community.

I became friends with my ex right when he started to transition, I was with him through the ups and downs of that, although we didn't get together as partners until after he decided to detransition.

Even when he was transitioning he was pretty gender critical and we actually used to argue because I thought he was being "transphobic" sometimes, which is pretty silly to me now.

Anyway, his reasons for how he felt were always really interesting to me, although I never really understood it (and I don't think he did either).but that whole experience has left me pretty sympathetic to people with gender dysphoria, even people who act shitty in a way I openly condemn, I can acknowledge they have legitimate strife and I do genuinely wish there were other methods for people who are going through this.

I can't say 100% that transition doesn't help anyone, but even after 15 years of being quite close to a lot of trans people, I literally can't think of a single person where I can say "oh yeah, they're obviously so much happier now!". In every case, even if some aspects got better during transition, other aspects got way worse, and everyone's gender dysphoria seemed to get worse the further they got into transition.

At some point I couldn't ignore this anymore, and I realized so much of the party line I was told was utter bullshit, and the reality was that a lot of the TRA community is a full blown death cult. I know that sounds hyperbolic, but I'm not kidding, I've seen horrible horrible things happen.

I hate the gender cult on so many levels now.

As soon as my opinion started changing I wasn't really that scared to say anything, because I believed most people knew I didn't hate trans people by any means, and to be fair that has mostly held true and my friends will argue with me in good faith instead of excommunicating me as a dirty TERF.

I do feel like a lone wolf sometimes though. And because I am still close to a lot of trans people I find I have to try to reconcile my feminism with my sincere sympathy for people with gender dysphoria sometimes. I just wish it was easier to have open conversations about reconciling gender in an open and reality based way without all the baggage.

I don't feel like I have any other place to talk about this stuff. The whole situation is just horrifying to me, and I really don't know how we should proceed in the face of it.

heidischallengeFeminist with an agenda · Nov. 9, 2019, 2:28 p.m.

Thanks for writing about this. It's very interesting.

Postcardtoalake · Nov. 21, 2019, 10:33 p.m.

A moron called “sidthebandkid” went on my rant when I pointed out a very few of the immense harms that TIMs do to the community:

https://imgur.com/jvG0Ym8

https://imgur.com/7UqEWOo

https://imgur.com/Dcxu0ev

https://imgur.com/PhaoIiP