I probably posted this on the wrong sub as another sub instantly banned me for participating but I am not sure where else my post fits. Any recommendations are appreciated.

Banned for describing why individuals may not want penis from the largest "lesbian" subreddit

General comment: I'm seeing a lot of women apologize for long rants/replies. Please don't apologize! I love reading a long reply or post from a woman. It is refreshing. Men never apologize for holding forth.

I'm not sure about any one else here but for numerous reasons (including but by no means limited to being a semi-closeted GC-er!) I've started to feel a distinct sense of loneliness lately. Isolation and the sense that I need to keep my thoughts and feelings on "lockdown" in case I end up ostracized (although to be fair there are vanishingly few people I'm actually on comfortable speaking terms to begin with 🤷‍♀️) and I'm often curious how widespread this feeling is among people, particularly young(ish) people like me. Whether they're simply too embarrassed or whatever to admit to being the L-word... lonely? Like every so often I just want to have a conversation that isn't just small talk so badly that I feel like I'm always on the verge of info-dumping on people and freaking them out and ending up feeling even more isolated than I do now.

It’s strangling, not choking. Please use the correct terminology.

Some TRAs on social media made me aware of this 'transphobic', 'TERF'-written children's book that is comparable to terrorist propaganda (!). Well, it sure looks like a nice little book to teach children to think about their body in a positive way and celebrate diversity. I hope it receives lots of love.

https://www.transgendertrend.com/product/my-body-is-me/

Is anyone else, apart from me and the user I've DM'd about it with, following the creepy saga of The Artist Formerly Known As Mallory Ortberg and her stunning brave husband "Grace" Lavery? A blatant case of coercive control playing out live on the internet if ever there was one.

I was watching a “feminist” video on YouTube about the ‘not like other girls’ trend and the cultural othering of women & girls by other women & girls in general. It was one of those long form video essays that the algorithm randomly suggested. I was hesitant at first, because I could feel the liberal feminist trap coming, but I didn’t want to hastily judge. Sometimes liberal feminists can have some great analytical video content and keep the gender cult talk for Twitter.

Her video wasn’t well structured, so I don’t know how to accurately explain her argument. In fact, I don’t think I truly understood half of her points, because she was very vague the entire time. I’d catch a sentence or two that I understood to be met with some nonsense.

Half way through she discussed being on both sides of the “not like other girls” dichotomy (while acknowledging that both sides are just stereotypes). She admitted to being at one point the anti-feminine, anti-feminist, cool girl. She admits not understanding feminism, because she disagreed with the discourse she saw on Tumblr. She then says: “It turns out that you can hate terfs while still believing in the tenets of intersectional feminism”. This of course was a huge red flag. She goes on to explain that her earlier rejection of feminism was because she didn’t appreciate women who criticized other women for rejecting feminism and express that women’s anti-feminist beliefs or contrary beliefs general can be informed by desires other than the desire to appease or center men. And that she just didn’t feel like her anti-feminist ways came from centering men or a desire to appease / be liked by men, so she adopted the identity of being “not like other girls”. (Y’all still with me?)

Which of course felt very... hmmm. 🤔 She essentially didn’t like how feminism centered women, not because she desired male approval, but because those accusations of a desire for male approval in rejecting femininist discourse was upsetting? I’ve always been a feminist and always found it important to state I was one. I knew a lot of girls growing up who rejected the title because of the stigma attached. I personally have never had that struggle and find it difficult to relate to the ones who have had that struggle to be honest. No judgment for those who have had that battle, but it’s something with which I can’t really empathize since it’s always been a core inmate belief of mine.

So with caution raised I still finished the video.

After that section — the you can be a feminist who cares about men’s issues as growth away from the “not like other girls” identity section — she dived into the sources for such stereotypes. She talked about how many point to (internalized) misogyny as the cause, but she felt it was too simple / easy of an answer. I got really tripped by her word vomit on femininity. I think I agreed with the sentences but not the conclusion, but I wasn’t sure overall. like to even explain would be a giant ass mess. Essentially criticizing judgement for those who judge those who accept and those who reject femininity? Like there’s a real benefit to being gender conforming but also gender can be very regressive and harmful. (She didn’t use the word gender) She essentially then has a throwaway line about how the patriarchy (again a word she didn’t use and spent minutes trying to use indirectly) isn’t the only force that continues femininity, but that other women reinforces it.

She follows that with an inverse argument against the idea that less feminine women oppress more feminine women, which sounds like support for the idea that more feminine women can oppress less feminine women? I think is the argument she’s trying to allude to without actually saying? I’d really like to explain what she said accurately so word vomit thoughts. But anyways I say, typing to myself because I can tell this a mess of a comment... she tries to argue that the label of internalized misogyny is quickly applied to those who criticize femininity, but not really considered for feminine women who bully women who are lesbians, disabled, trans or not feminine.

So that leads her to explain that most of the girls and women who adopt the “not like other girls” mentality? persona? identity? do so because feminine girls / women bully them for being “not like us”. She admits that the air headed blonde bully is a stereotype, but that many girls do bully other girls for the way they dress and socially feminine excluded.

She then briefly returned to the idea that women rejecting femininity as a form of hatred towards women was bad, but being snide towards the feminine popular girl as the gender nonconformist book worm was also not good.

Which led to a sub conclusion that seemed to kind of clear up what she was saying which was: “This broadens the scope of who we criticize and why.” But then she sort of like circles around back to the idea that creating a stereotype of a woman & girls to shame them and whatever stereotype of women & girls that is opposite of that both shame women & girls ultimately and just expand gender roles.

There’s also this whole point about not judging and being hateful towards women, which is weird considering she was so critical and hateful towards “terfs”.

Essentially I watched a 30 minute long video by a liberal feminist that had many points I agreed with, many points I disagreed with, and ultimately conclusion I found difficult to parse. It made me think about liberal feminism in general and the effects of getting your feminism from Tumblr / social media primarily made up of children. I also wonder why there is so much tiptoeing on calling out men and why is it that women have to be the brunt of criticism. It also made me wish we had better long form essayists of radical feminism to listen to, because our side is admittedly bad at the YouTube / social media game (in comparison). On the one hand I think that’s good. It almost gives us a sort of barrier of entry, but it also makes us inaccessible and mostly just heard about from people who totally misrepresent us 99% of the time.

I also don’t understand how liberal feminist can insist that men can identify out of their privilege.

Hi all, this is gonna be a long one, but I’ve been bottling up all these insights and feelings and I just kinda feel like spewing them.

So I’ve just moved cities and gotten a new job. I had been flirting (let’s call it an on again off again relationship) with GC ideology for a while, but I feel like leaving my university really pushed me to make that leap into full on “terf.” Despite that, I really can’t talk to anyone in real life about these kinds of things. I work for an uber progressive tech company that has fully bought into the TRA agenda.

What’s really been making me uncomfortable is a TIM I work with. We started around the same time, and he was a bit too clingy at first, and I didn’t really want to hang around him all that much because I knew that our ideologies differed a lot. (Politically and on the gender debate). However we fell into the same friend group via shared buddies. Now, this guy identifies as non-binary and will loudly correct you if you EVER call him a “he.” Despite this fact, he makes no effort to transition, and has mentioned several times about how hard being trans is hard and we cis folks wouldn’t understand. Meanwhile I’m barely treading water at this cutthroat tech company that is over 2/3 male. It’s incredibly difficult for me to see this man who is not treated like a woman (you can see by his interactions with everyone that they view him as male) try and opt out of the sexism he is complicit in while trying to feign that he is the most oppressed! Especially when our group goes out to exercise classes and his genitals are clearly and visibly present though his workout gear. (Not entirely his fault when we’re cycling, but still, annoying when he tries to claim “they” when the evidence is right bloody there!)

I’m also annoyed because he said that his dysmorphia stemmed from a time as a child when he was forced to wear a suit to church. Like,

We are all forced to wear things we don’t want to as children. It sucks when you’re at an awkward phase and nothing fits right but that doesn’t mean you’re a different gender! It means you don’t like wearing frumpy clothes!

Despite this, I don’t think he’s a bad person. It is just annoying that I’m expected to play along with this man’s fantasy. What really got my blood boiling is when he said he was “disenchanted with the feminist movement because he didn’t feel welcome.” HELLO? FEMINISM IS FOR FEMALES YOU FOOL! You benefit from the patriarchy every day! You don’t even try to pretend otherwise. I have tried to tell him that he should do more gender non-conforming things if he wants to, as it may open up the idea that you can be a man and shave your legs or wear a skirt. But he acts pained and says that it would just make him more upset. How is this not indicative of a mental disorder? If shaving your legs will cause you distress? Furthermore, he will not see a therapist or doctor. I was hoping that seeing someone would help him get actual help for his dysmorphia, but he only wants to see trans doctors. So he’s not even looking to improve??? Only be validated by someone with the same delusions. What if I had only sought the help of other people who actively had hallucinations when I was at my most mentally unstable? I would not be here on reddit I can tell you that much! I really feel for the pain that trans-identified people go though. It’s not easy to want to be something you can’t, and even my brief experiences of dysphoria are not pleasant. But we had to face reality to be healthy and well rounded individuals! Almost any other mental illness is treated with DBT, CBT, and fighting illusions. It makes me sad that some people live in more pain because this discourse is flying around that removes them from truth.

I’m torn, because I don’t want to be mean to a guy just due to political opinions, and I know I as a person have a tendency to prematurely ice out folks I don’t take a shine to. He is a nice person most of the time, and if we are talking about common interests he makes a fine aquantence. However, this guy just makes me uncomfortable,/!: it’s hard to ignore. I’ve been bottling this up for so long that it’s started to come though my dreams.

I think it’s my brains way of saying “Hey! You’re really bothered by this! You have to think about it!” The other day he referred to himself as “cruel” and it really shook me. All my red flags are up at this point but I don’t want to leave my small group of friends just because of one bad apple.

Thanks for listening! I wouldn’t blame anyone who didn’t read this haha. Writing my thoughts down really helped me though. As someone who WAS socialized as a woman, I kinda let people step all over me and I need to start standing up for my beliefs and values. I’m a super value driven person so squashing those down has been a huge disservice to myself. I just need to knock my internalized conditioning and be a bit more assertive. I am planning on joining a rad-fem movement in my new city soon!

Has anyone here ever read the book “the Female Brain” by Dr Louann Brizendine? It came highly recommended by a dr acquaintance of mine. I have no scientific education to speak of so am not in a position to know whether the contents are going to try to sway me into believing that women’s brains can somehow grow in male bodies. I know this topic is super political so even book reviews can be disingenuous.... so as a non scientist I am a bit hesitant to crack it open without a further recommendation. Anyone?

Might be tmi idk.:

What all can a gynecologist help with? I still need to see one but I'm not sure all that one can do. Meaning I was thinking to mention to her about frequent urination and bowel problems but I don't know if she'd know anything. I only want to mention it because whenever I bring it up to my primary doctor (a man) it goes nowhere and I've brought it up several times now. Even weny to urologist and nothing.

Friend of mine just came out as TIM last month.. which is fine. But then they immediately started arguing about lesbian women and how labels shouldn't really matter

Like, shut the fuck up????

This article on "Teens who abuse their parents" from NPR just pisses me off because not once in an article that seeks to inform the public on this issue does it mention the totally obvious: it is teenage BOYS who do this. All the anecdotes are about males. The studies all mention that male children are a significantly greater threat. But our society has a total blind spot when it comes to addressing male violence to the detriment of everyone. From the article, you'd think it was an equal number of male and female teenagers abusing their parents to the point where they're calling the police...

I’m watching “A Very Yorkshire Brothel” and the first half has been all kind of cutesy and charming with the characterful women who run a brothel and some of the prostitutes. They just had the WI (mainly older women) supporting a petition for legalisation in the street with very little pushback. The next bit will be them going to Germany to see how it works legally. They talk about safety but no-one is much mentioning men, like they’ll just do awful things given the chance so all this safety stuff will stop gang rapes and murders. It is just accepted as inevitable.

Need advice/support. I don't know if this is appropriate to make its own post for, so let me know.

A male acquaintance might have sexually assaulted me at a party? I'm not sure. All I know is throughout the night he was the only guy to put his hand on my waist without asking and brushed his hand over my ass agonisingly slowly. It might have been an accident, it might not have been, but in the moment I was too frozen to do anything or make a scene in front of my friends. He has a history of making creepy sexual advancements towards other girls as well e.g. assuming that because A's boyfriend touched her that he could touch A in the same way as well.

I feel sick. I confided in just one friend of mine about the maybe-assault and told her I wasn't affected, but now I can't help but relive the moment. I always thought if it came down to it I would have no problems speaking up, but now that it's happened I feel so powerless. Is this how sexual assaulters get away with it? The ambiguity? The trust that their victims will second-guess themselves and not be willing to break social taboo?

Please, help me move on.