When will African parents stop treating they sons way more superior than their daughters?
Submitted June 27, 2020, 12:13 p.m. by redditisannoyinqI feel so unwelcome here at home, my 13yo brother does as he pleases and every time I try to say anything they say I am causing conflict in this house.
My brother will drink a whole bottle of soda alone and when I complain about it they say I don’t like peace.
My brother sits on the tv the whole day with no chance of me ever touching the remote and when I dare try say anything again I cause conflict
If he finds me on the tv with the remote he will cry for the remote and I’ll be told to give him the remote.
I can’t leave to my place yet because I have to take care of ill mother who doesn’t give a damn about me. I feel so unwelcome in this house
Edit : I must add that my father and brother do no house chores. It’s up to me and my mother to do them, my dad says boys don’t do dishes. My mother doesn’t even mind doing all the house chores despite them earning basically the same monthly income
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I'm so sorry you're going through this
are you in Africa or another country?
all I can say is, please don't let them brainwash you. as hard as it is, keep your head down and focus on getting out. you'll never convince them that their ways are wrong. just work on yourself, STUDY HARD, and for the love of god, don't get pregnant. please don't get pregnant. you will be trapped forever if you do
economic independence is the way out. work hard and get away from these people
focus on the future
keep safe, we love you ❤❤❤
I do have my own place I am here just to take care of her because the men that he puts first don’t even seem to care. Lol I am lesbian won’t be getting pregnant unintentionally
girl gtfo
they dont care about you
Yeah, I second this! If you're old enough to have your own place, LEAVE.
You are doing exactly the same thing as your mother without realising it.
You are taking on the unpaid social and domestic responsibilities just because you are a woman.
Stop now.
I get that when you aren't the favourite child you try to get them to love you by being good and taking the moral high ground but it will never work. They already love you as much as they are going to, in their way, and no matter what you do you can't change that. You can't make anyone think a certain way about you, you can only change yourself.
Your mother has all the resources she needs to be looked after, she has a husband and a son in the house. Let her call on them if she values then so much, see where that gets her.
You can't make your parents love you more. Sometimes you can be the perfect child TM and still not be loved or not loved enough, you gotta accept it and go to therapy.
Please, gtfo. It's time for the manchild and the child to act like adults.
I'm sorry, that is messed up. The only real consolation I can off you in this type of situation is that you've already recognized a clearly unfair and unjust family dynamic. If you choose to have your own family, recognizing that unhealthy dynamic is half the battle toward creating a more functional, equal family of your own.
That sounds like a really tough situation though, but try to remember that you won't be living with them forever. Sometimes you might feel powerless to change a family dynamic like that, but one day you will have the power to create (or not create) any sort of family environment you like. This is just frustrating, unfair practice until then, and it won't last forever.
Unless she's permanently psychologically damaged by it. This kind of damage is done early and can't be undone at will.
That seems like an unhelpful reply to a young person who is trying to cope with a difficult situation as best she can.
What kind of advice would you offer to stave off this permanent psychological damage as best she can?
That wasn't intended as advice. I have psychological damage myself I was unable to prevent or later alleviate.
I'm sorry to hear that. Therapy have helped me a lot with my own upbringing.
Completely understand, it’s the same situation for most Asian families. Brothers never do anything to help around the house and get praised for doing the bare minimum. The newer generations are challenging these outdated beliefs but it’s hard to change parents who are already misogynistic.
I’m really sorry, I hope you get to go back to your own place soon.
We are asian and my brother was basically the hero of the family just for existing. Childhood sucks and I was never good enough. Now that we're adults, I still resent my parents for that. It took my a long time to stop resenting my brother too.
By becoming the most successful kid. Two of my brothers are deadbeat moochers. Third is still in school.
I don’t get along perfectly with my parents, but they tried their best as poor immigrants in a deeply racist land. Being able to send my parents on vacations to their homeland and buy them whatever they need has improved their attitude greatly.
Super mega messed up but my middle Eastern family is the exact same way and I feel your pain. Sometimes I get mad at my mom for not doing shit to make my dad do anything, or even just her doing everything by herself. Why? People's sex aside, you two live in this goddamn house together so why not act like one of you is a slave?! It makes me enraged.
I’m white and it was the same for me growing up. I remember my mum teaching me to make a bed ‘for when I have a husband’, it made me very sad. My younger brother always has preference even now
Yes. Always been told who is gonna cook for your husband if you don’t know how to cook, I am like we both got hands
Yeah, cooking, cleaning, general chores. I mean the men in my family do chores as well but there’s DEFINITELY still a ‘women’s work’ theme going strong.
When westerners stop letting poc males do whatever the fuck they want under the guise of cultural relativism and white guilt.
This
I’m sorry, that’s a horrible situation. But if you’re an adult, you do not have to stay there. If your mother wants to prioritize the men then she can rely on them for care. Do not let them guilt you into accepting second class treatment.
This.
Similar upbringing. My mom always loved my brothers more. I was told to do everything around the house and the boys were told that it’s a woman’s job.
It’s sad because the boys end up becoming the type of men that married women today complain about. The ones that can’t do anything for themselves, the ones who are dirty and lazy, the ones who don’t help around at all even with their own children.
Change may be a long time in coming. Fear of being called out for racism seems to trump fear of actual sexism. Which is why we never see actual change being implemented in the female social status of many nonwestern patriarchies.
The best thing to do is be assertive and not bow to demands. People give up eventually and it reprograms their expectations of you.