So... I’m glad I found this sub because this is what I’ve been saying about my “trans brother” since I was a kid (trigger warning: incestual assault)

Admiring/Masturbating to Feminized Self Submitted June 22, 2020, 5:06 p.m. by AnnetteDontForget

To start, I’m estranged from family for being “transphobic.” My brother has been molesting me since we were kids and it got worse when I became a teenager and developed breasts. Just constantly sexualizing my body. Often broke into the bathroom to ridicule me and sometimes snap a surprise photo.

My parents always told me I was “being dramatic” and that “boys are curious about women’s bodies.” I’m asian American and culturally, boys are favored. I ended up attempting suicide twice and running away several times.

I’d always end up in the mental hospital and sent home with meds. Every time, I could tell my brother has been through my clothes and wore them, especially my skirts.

Eventually I left for good, because my brother threatened to kill himself based on my “slander.” My mom found me on social media a few years later and I learned they paid over 6 figures for his transition when I was homeless for a good two years.

No shit, his therapist has the whole family in family therapy and they all need to “reframe” any negativity or criticism of him because he’s “high risk” for suicide. LOL. She wanted me to come to a session so my brother could have “closure” for all of my “accusations” and so the therapist could “teach me” how accept “her.” I said not until the molestation was addressed and she taped me “misgendering” him and tells everyone I’m transphobic.

He now is some Instagram wannabe celebrity who poses as biologically female with “hormonal problems” and “infertility” while posting all bikini pictures of himself. The captions are sickening - “body dysmorphia ♥️♥️♥️” and “be anorexic ♥️♥️♥️” since he believes this is what makes a woman a woman. He has always watched Victoria’s Secret fashion shows and loved tumblr people that glorified eating disorders, too. I remember him posing with the models and forcing the family to watch with him while he acted out each catwalk.

But yeah, I have nowhere to talk about this because I get cut off and told “you mean SHE!” or people are too uncomfortable to talk about this.

(If there are any subreddit’s for victims of trans people, please let me know!)

92 comments recovered from the Pushshift database.
sara🛡speaking as itsafetish.org moderator🛡 · Sept. 14, 2021, 8:17 a.m.
SirLampDevoidOfBulb · June 22, 2020, 5:26 p.m. · 1 reply

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Are you in a safe place now, physically?

AnnetteDontForget · June 22, 2020, 5:32 p.m. · 3 replies

Yep this was almost 7 years ago and they know better than to try to contact me now. I moved to a stand your ground state and learned how to shoot (I know it sounds extreme but my family had bluffed about getting a court order to get me and put me back in the hospital and I didn’t know they couldn’t do that once I turned 18).

I hate that I resorted to learning how to defend myself using firearms, but at that time in my life, I was really mentally messed up.

ligmaenigma · June 22, 2020, 9:30 p.m. · 3 replies

Firearms are only bad in the hands of bad people. It is my personal belief, despite the fact I am a man, that the most empowering thing a woman can do is defend herself and a firearm helps immensely. I personally resort to carrying a knife on me wherever I go because firearms are very restricted in my state, however I really admire that you decided to protect yourself and leave your family for being so blinded by the Trans agenda that they were willing to neglect you.

maryolivia2000 · June 22, 2020, 10:51 p.m.

I agree with you. I am politically independent and have no interest in owning a gun, but I support gun rights. They're especially important for women, older people, or anyone else who is likely to be targeted by violent criminals. Guns (and other weapons) are far from perfect, but they at least give everyone a fair fighting chance.

jenkem92 · June 22, 2020, 11:24 p.m. · 1 reply

Please be very careful with a knife. One of the worst thing you can do in a fight or self-defense situation is introduce a knife if you are untrained. Everyone is getting cut and that knife could be turned on you.

If a firearm is absolutely out of the question, consider some mace.

ligmaenigma · June 22, 2020, 11:34 p.m. · 2 replies

I'm a minor so the law says I cannot use mace, however I can use a knife as long as the blade is smaller than 4 inches long. I understand the risks of using a knife, and I don't intend on using it, it's kind of like the rattle of a rattle snake letting you know not to mess with it.

iwasannon · June 23, 2020, 1:39 a.m.

Good lord what a fucked up system

Shepard417 · June 23, 2020, 1:15 p.m.

Never, EVER brandish a weapon just to intimidate "like a rattle snake", getting even a knife in sight will absolutely escalate the situation and put you at even more risk than before. If you gonna use it, use it, keep it hidden until you are in imminent danger then use it to disable or kill your attacker, don't even give him time to see the weapon

sunkenrocks · June 23, 2020, 12:58 p.m. · 2 replies

doesn't that just up the arms race though? if every woman starts carrying a gun, so will rapists. sounds dangerous. the rapist knows you're carrying so comes behind you and outs a gun to your temple.

ligmaenigma · June 23, 2020, 1:05 p.m. · 1 reply

A rapist is a criminal. Making guns illegal makes women carrying guns to protect themselves criminals. A rapist is already a criminal and doesn't care about the legality of a firearm. After all, rape is already something you get the full extent of the law thrown at you for. What's a gun charge added to that gonna change if rape gives them life in prison? I believe if a criminal wants to use a gun to commit a crime they'll do it regardless of the legality. I just also believe women and men alike who are law abiding citizens should have the right to defend themselves with firearms if in danger.

sunkenrocks · June 23, 2020, 1:15 p.m. · 1 reply

I didn't say legality, I said arms race. I don't see how what you've said discounts that.

on a more global level, look at something like nuclear weapons. sure, everyone feels safer with nukes on trigger but really we've a become more of an easy target because you can't hide your defense tech like that.

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HereForTheTurnips_ · June 23, 2020, 5:40 p.m. · 1 reply

This is the most absurd anti-gun argument I've ever heard to be honest.

sunkenrocks · June 23, 2020, 5:44 p.m. · 1 reply

because it's hard to imagine in a country that allows guns so freely. in the 70s and 80s gangs and political groups got access to guns in the UK and it was an absolute bloodbath. most of our weapon crime is knife crime which while horrific is much more survivable than a bullet. there is also a concept.of reasonable force in self defense. it's not legal to kill someone who is already down even in an attack. if you protect yourself with a gun your attacker needs a gun. for day to day violence you can't really beat the gun for leathality. some countries don't believe in the proliferation of that.

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EstCausaMortis · June 23, 2020, 8:34 a.m. · 1 reply

If protecting yourself from fear and possible violence by learning to safely use a firearm made you feel safer and more in control at the time, then it was the right thing to do IMO (if some random woman’s opinion counts for anything, lol!).

Not making perfectly-perfect choices at a time of great distress is normal, and hindsight is almost always 20/20.

You did the best you could with what you had, when you had it, and survived.

Being in the UK I have no idea how scary it must be in the US having guns all over the place, but ‘glassed’ and ‘bottled’ are commonly used as verbs here.

AnnetteDontForget · June 23, 2020, 10:03 a.m. · 1 reply

I’ve heard of the glassing! Wow.

Yeah the trade off is that I walk in a grocery store and there’s a man with TWO handguns strapped to his sides and it’s a normal thing. Terrified me when I first moved here.

EstCausaMortis · June 23, 2020, 10:25 a.m.

Jesus H Christ... yep, would scare me shitless too. Two handguns seems a tad (read: massively) over excessive. Hope you’re ok.

Ton8or · June 26, 2020, 9:12 a.m.

Arming yourself doesn’t make you a psychopath.

radcassandraXX · June 22, 2020, 5:42 p.m. · 1 reply

I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. I truly don't mean this flippantly - more exasperatedly about our current society's blind spot, but it's literally insane that neither the therapist or your family has ever heard of narcissism nor can they recognize it in front of their faces. Good for you for demanding they acknowledge the molestation. Are your parents narcissistic as well (it sounds like your brother is a golden child and you're the black sheep, or is they're behavior unique to his coming out - based on fear of trans-propaganda -- i.e. the suicide, most oppressed victims, etc.)?

AnnetteDontForget · June 22, 2020, 6:15 p.m. · 2 replies

I’m a biological female and thought I was a lesbian until late high school, which was shameful and embarrassing to my family.

However, if you’re born a male, you can do no wrong. It’s an archaic cultural thing unfortunately.

My family didnt believe in mental health “because it’s for white people” until my brother came out as trans so we don’t have any history, unfortunately.

Suckanik · June 22, 2020, 9:28 p.m.

Yeah, I've noticed shitty people don't believe in mental health until they do. My mom was against therapy forever and wouldn't let me get anti-anxiety pills for my fear of the dentist. Now she's in therapy and on anti-anxiety meds but still uses her OCD and anxiety as a reason to be a controlling maniac.

And I still have fucked up teeth from never getting the medicine I needed to sit through dental work.

eggplanteinstein · June 22, 2020, 9:32 p.m. · 1 reply

Yeah, I always found it abhorrent how in my Asian friends’ families and my family, girls get excessively shamed for particularly minor things but boys get so much dang leeway. My sister gets shit from my parents for not volunteering enough, even though when I was her age, I was playing video games for like 45 hours a week and my parents said nothing. My friends who are also Asian suffer the same problem with that family dynamic.

Hyunnahh · June 23, 2020, 2:09 a.m.

Ugh I so agree. While I've never personally experienced this sort of bias against girls/women since I don't have any brothers, I do have friends who face these sort of blatant bias. It's so sad whenever they rant about it, and even if they don't, the situation overall is just really unfair.

doblele01 · June 22, 2020, 5:45 p.m. · 1 reply

Incredible that situation. It seems to me a kind of "narcissitic family" (I don't know if you are familiarized with the term). One sibling gets all the attention and the other recieves all the blame. And there are obvious misogynistic prejudices.

Who is his therapist? Is one of those that don't challenge the reasons for wanting a sex change? Like the mermaids?

I am truly astonished by your story. Maybe /detrans, you can ask to people who have been in your brothers position. And on /gendercritical there are a lot of resources on it's info page.

I don't know if you want advice.... but If I where you I would ask my self how much effort do you want to invest on them... my options could be cut cold turkey with them, or face a legal battle against your brother for the abuses he have done to you, or try to go to that family therapy (see who is that doctor, or maybe is a good oportunity to make you fathers conscious about all that situation). And for sure, I would seek counseling or therapy for my self. With people that supports me.

AnnetteDontForget · June 22, 2020, 6:21 p.m. · 1 reply

Unfortunately this is my gender critical account because I’m a public figure and my audience are generally the “woke crowd.” I never spoke a word about this until the JK Rowling situation... the threats being aimed at her kinda helped me realize... I’m not alone. I’m not the only one.

His therapist was a local family therapist but this was back in the 2000’s. Trans and tumblr and all that wasn’t a big thing so there wasn’t exactly protocol. My brother’s therapist agreed there was mental health issues but wanted my brother to be in a “safe place” with his transgender identity first before addressing anything else. Unfortunately, it became a “baby the trans” situation and everything else was never talked about. He was too “high risk” to ever criticize.

ChristieFox · June 23, 2020, 2:57 a.m.

This therapist was absolutely incompetent. You cannot treat mental illness by reaffirming the belief or shield them from anything. Therapy teaches people to shield themselves from damage of triggers, not the other way around. And then it teaches them to work through them.

It's therapists like him that make it so easy for some people to get away with everything for as long as they want. And that's a typical tactic of abusers. I'm sorry your family AND their chosen therapist are rather on board with enabling an abuser than to care for having not only one child.

jimmbie · June 22, 2020, 6:25 p.m.

I’m so sorry. Your family doesn’t deserve you. I hope that you are in a safer place and that you know we’re all here for you❤️

r/pinkpillfeminism and r/GenderCritical would both be good places for you

winters_frostIHM = I hate men · June 22, 2020, 6:29 p.m. · 1 reply

Firstly, glad you're doing well from yourself and that you got away from toxic old-world sexist Asian culture.

Speaking of that, how in the world did your parents end up buying into trans logic of how hating being a boy supposedly makes someone a girl? It sounds like they're fairly old-world if they do favor boys. Granted, conservative logic does also believe into sexist nonsense like girls=dresses, but even people with highly conservative views don't think that a boy who wears a dress is a girl; they'd usually just assume he's gay.

AnnetteDontForget · June 22, 2020, 6:58 p.m. · 2 replies

My mom, I think. She is also a victim in her own right - my father always cheated on her and beat her and she would starve herself and undergo multiple surgeries to be “prettier.” He never quite saw her as enough.

He’s very homophobic and transphobic but after two heart attacks he figured it’d be easier to just accept it than to fight my mom on it.

winters_frostIHM = I hate men · June 22, 2020, 7:14 p.m. · 1 reply

This is just a weird far reaching theory and obv I have no real proof but,

I can't help but think that your mom has some kind of deep unconscious secret hate for all of you and just wants everyone around her to suffer. Even your brother, somehow I think she's just trying to get him to suffer the same way she did too, since she probably knows at this point he's not going to give her any grandchildren (one of the main reasons that boys are so favored in many old-world cultures in the first place).

AnnetteDontForget · June 22, 2020, 8:03 p.m.

I think you’re onto something... but I think she is also riding the attention that this is giving the family because she’s that kind of person. I wouldn’t put it past her to be basking in “omg you’re such a progressive mom you’re amazing” glory

jetpatch · June 23, 2020, 2:40 a.m.

Often with mothers who have munchausens by proxy they use their child to hide behind and keep their husband at a distance. That's what happened in my family with my great aunt and in another generation with my aunt.

feminine_rage · June 22, 2020, 6:39 p.m.

I am SO SORRY you had to go through that, especially on your own. This sounds like classic gaslighting. He rapes you, but YOU’RE the bad guy for acknowledging he is a male and can never change that? And parents are supposed to protect their child from danger! He is a predator! They clearly care more about his delusional fantasy than your sexual trauma, and that is truly fucked up. Virtual hugs! 🤗

BloodDrainedDeer · June 22, 2020, 6:40 p.m.

That is... unfathomable, it is horrific that you had to endure all that.

I don't know what to say

You have nothing to feel guilty about. You're not wrong for refusing to indulge a narcissist's fantasy, especially one who couldn't even treat you with basic human respect

Death_Trolley · June 22, 2020, 8:14 p.m. · 1 reply

his therapist has the whole family in family therapy and they all need to “reframe” any negativity or criticism of him because he’s “high risk” for suicide

In addition to all the other, egregious stuff, this jumped out at me. I am in a similar position of walking on eggshells for a sibling's disordered behavior. I know how much this just completely sucks. Be strong and good luck.

AnnetteDontForget · June 22, 2020, 8:15 p.m. · 2 replies

Can you believe this is even a thing?

I thought therapists would understand not to enable someone but whatever, I guess.

Death_Trolley · June 22, 2020, 8:22 p.m. · 1 reply

My situation isn't about transgenderism, but the enabling of distinction is still truly exhausting. I was told to "kill it with kindness." That's not even close to realistic, it's not a cure for the problem, it's just demeaning to me. Not to mention, in my wildest dreams i don't think I could get away with acting like that. Dual standards

ChristieFox · June 23, 2020, 2:58 a.m.

Can you get out? It's really unhealthy, like you already see yourself. Too many people enable unhealthy or worse behavior and you'll never convince them of the opposite, so it's probably best if you distance yourself as much as possible for you.

Not_My_Real_Acct_ · June 23, 2020, 6:02 p.m. · 1 reply

I was in therapy, briefly.

I stopped going because it became abundantly clear that the therapist was basically trying to tell me what I wanted to hear.

It reminded me of guys who talk to their bartender; obviously the bartender is going to tell you that you're right about everything. He doesn't need to get into an existential debate, he's got drinks to make.

AnnetteDontForget · June 23, 2020, 6:04 p.m.

That’s how they get paid 🙃

rattyreaper · June 22, 2020, 8:27 p.m. · 2 replies

Your story is exactly why I will fight until my last breath to protect other women, women's rights and women's safe spaces. Men should not be allowed to have control over any of these things.

I'm constantly harassed and threatened on social media for being "transphobic". None of it is going to stop me in my fight and I will never apologize. I want to do all that I can to prevent situations like this.

I pray that you are in a much better place. Your family doesn't deserve you. You were right to learn how to defend yourself and get away from there. It's clear they weren't going to listen, so nothing could be prevented at that time. Keep pushing on.

AnnetteDontForget · June 22, 2020, 9:15 p.m.

I REALLY hope you stay safe

Thesociodark · June 23, 2020, 1:48 p.m. · 1 reply

Please stay safe. It can escalate very quickly, and the people who are the loudest about accepting others can be very scary or even violent if they find any personal information about you.

rattyreaper · June 23, 2020, 6:06 p.m.

No worries. They don’t scare me, and for every “woke” comment on my social media talking about my “transphobia” and whatever else, I have 3 more people stepping up to back my views and defend me. And just like OP, I got my gun license, and am not afraid to act in self defense should they somehow show up to threaten me in person.

umbralgarden · June 22, 2020, 8:30 p.m.

It sounds like your brother saw the attention you got for being hospitalized and decided to copy it. And in general copy being a woman for more attention. Kind of slowly stealing your identity or those of others he idolizes. I've known people of both genders like this and it's especially offensive when they adopt mental illnesses for attention and they always make sure theirs "trumps" yours somehow like it's a competition. Sounds like he did it first with suicide, then gender, now eating disorders. This sub has a few stories of trans women copying female friends and family members to disturbing degrees. I'm so sorry. You have my full support in distancing from that family.

whoDatSniffffff · June 22, 2020, 8:38 p.m.

Wow

That really sucks.

Don’t know quite what to say other than I wish you a happier tomorrow

_lujiaa · June 22, 2020, 9:06 p.m.

I am so happy that you managed to escape that super toxic environment. You have all my support. Welcome ❤

p00syliquor · June 22, 2020, 9:50 p.m.

so sorry to hear about this. totally TOTALLY understand what it’s like to have a brother abuse you and be silenced because of favouritism, went through a very similar situation myself. here for you, women stand together ❤️

radfemalewoman · June 22, 2020, 10:11 p.m.

I wish you had a platform to talk about this. We talk about the abuse and dehumanization we endure at their hands and are told “this never happens,” because we aren’t allowed to talk about it. You have the right to share your story and I’m disgusted that you have been bullied and silenced.

Ranutany · June 22, 2020, 11:09 p.m.

Hi I don’t have much to add but I’m just so happy you’re away from him. I’m so sorry this happened to you and I hope you’re someplace safe now.

potionofmadness · June 23, 2020, 12:02 a.m.

I can't admire than I'm so sorry that all of this has happened to you

I think you're family and brother are fucking awful to he honest and I'm happy you're away from there ❤

I hope you're in a better place yourself now and that you have the strength to kindly tell them to fuck off

All my love ❤

gendercritfem · June 23, 2020, 12:02 a.m.

This is what "trans rights" means. They like to pretend it's just some innocent thing about being allowed to live their lives, but in every case, it involves the subordination, silencing, violation, and abuse of women so some guy can get his rocks off. They try to sweep this violence under the rug, to sweep women under the rug, to hide the price that actual women and girls have to pay for them to live their fantasy.

MuchoMarsupialTERF · June 23, 2020, 12:09 a.m.

You're probably better off cutting them out of your life entirely. Ie, block him to the extent that you do not see his content at all. Have no interaction with him or the rest of your familly. It seems like you'd be happier without it. If they're not part of your life it doesn't matter if they think you're transphobic.

I'm sorry this has happened to you and I understand that it's easier said than done to cut contact entirely.

WEDN3SD4Y · June 23, 2020, 1:48 a.m.

I don’t know if any communities, but I strongly encourage you to create one. I have my own story of abuse at the hands of an ex who was trans, and would gladly help you mod if you decide to make one.

voodooqueen126 · June 23, 2020, 1:56 a.m. · 1 reply

There is transwidows, and interestingly enough there are atleast two women on itsafetish here already who where sexually preyed on by their trans identified brothers in childhood. So you are far from alone.

The way the woke crowd forces molestation and rape victims to use female pronouns for male abusers is easily the most sickening and peak transing thing to me.

I am glad you are free.

AnnetteDontForget · June 23, 2020, 7:48 a.m. · 2 replies

I’ve also had people tell me “you can tell the story and use the right pronouns.” No, male violence is not the same as female violence I don’t care. To say “I was molested by a woman” does not carry the same weight as “I was molested by a man.”

HornyBackToad · June 23, 2020, 10:22 a.m.

“I was molested by a woman"

That's just straight up gaslighting!!! A woman would be easier to fight off!!

voodooqueen126 · June 23, 2020, 9:51 p.m.

Right! Furthermore, why should you go along with your abusers' delusions anyway?

1dontevenFOLLOW THE MONEY · June 23, 2020, 2:49 a.m.

r/AsianParentStories

jetpatch · June 23, 2020, 2:53 a.m. · 1 reply

There's a transwidows thread on mumsnet which is active. This is the only relevant thing I can see active on social media right now. https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3668898-trans-widows-escape-committee-3-rise-of-the-trans-widows?pg=38

While there's a few transwidows sites now there's nothing for siblings (accept fetish sites) but there's a site for children of transitioners which might have something more relevant to you. https://childrenoftransitioners.org/

AnnetteDontForget · June 23, 2020, 7:49 a.m.

Thank you!

miritelle · June 23, 2020, 4:04 a.m. · 2 replies

I'm quite surprised that coming from what sounds like quite a traditional Asian American family (favouring the son etc), your parents seemed to be totally OK or even enouraging of him transitioning? Weren't they distressed by him wanting to do this?

truthteller5565 · June 23, 2020, 6:50 a.m. · 1 reply

My guess given that OP said she's a public figure is that her family live in one of the big cities w high asian populations, most of which are on the west coast. Supporting your sons gender transitioning is a way to earn favor and acclaim from your peers in such places

AnnetteDontForget · June 23, 2020, 7:51 a.m.

I did live in one of those huge Asian cities yep

AnnetteDontForget · June 23, 2020, 7:51 a.m. · 2 replies

My father was very against this but my mom loves the attention.

They shunned be forgot thinking I was a lesbian my early life but totally saw his transition as a great social talking point

Countess_Chunkula · June 23, 2020, 9:35 a.m.

Im sorry you experienced this, OP. Had it been me, I would have planted a firm foot up each and every one of their asses.

miritelle · June 23, 2020, 12:01 p.m.

Wow. That's really awful, I'm sorry.

lesbibitch · June 23, 2020, 5:16 a.m.

I am so sorry this has been your life. I don’t really have anything constructive to add, I just wanted to tell you that you’re incredibly strong and brave. I hope you’re doing better now, away from them. ❤️

toomuch1042 · June 23, 2020, 7:14 a.m.

Fuck you're whole shitty family and your brother is the absolute worst. I don't have any respect for subhumans like him and he doesn't deserve the "right" pronouns because he certainly doesn't deserve to use female pronouns

LolliesDontPop · June 23, 2020, 10:53 a.m. · 1 reply

Uhm, aren't there any laws that punish therapists taping clients(' family) and using it against them? That person definitely sounds unqualified.

Most of us have also had negative interactions with the trans movement that drove us here, but not often for something as serious as your situation. It's infuriating that what could have been a normal life got so out of hand. Please feel welcome here! We won't DARVO you like your family did.

AnnetteDontForget · June 23, 2020, 12:30 p.m. · 2 replies

My mom did the taping. She contacted me under the guise of resolving family issues but I think a lot of people were questioning my “transphobia.” Without doxxing myself, my name’s on several mainstream publications so when I stopped showing up to family holidays and social events, people started questioning why I’m never there. (She’d say I’m transphobic and ashamed of the family).

When I brought up the molestation, she said “you mean sister” and I said “no! He’s a man! A man molested me!” And she took out her phone, clicked something (to stop recording I imagine) and was like “Aha! Proof you’re transphobic!” (This was all in chinese so I’m rough translating).

And that was that.

HehTheUrr · June 23, 2020, 11:25 p.m.

Wow, I can’t even imagine caring about “misgendering” someone who molested a family member... they wouldn’t have to worry about their gender concerns after that because they’d be in the fucking ground.

I’m sorry your mom is so insane as to defend that. I have experience with my own mother preferring my brother who molested me and know how badly it hurts... but I’m at least thankful that he never had the balls to try and say that I had to forget all of that because of his pain.

I’m sorry you’ve been through all of this. You absolutely don’t deserve any of it. If you ever need anyone to talk to, don’t hesitate to reach out.

truthteller5565 · June 24, 2020, 3:24 p.m.

That's so awful, I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this. Hopefully your parents see the light someday.

Sunglassestree · June 24, 2020, 11:48 p.m.

What's his @ on Instagram? Just curious.

mercy_st · June 26, 2020, 7:17 a.m.

r/LGBdroptheT is a great one, they might be able to point you in the right direction with help.

I'm sorry, I know this feeling with family members. Don't really have a family anymore, but best believe whenever I start my family it'll be amazing!!