There was this person making everyone use they/them pronouns. I said that I didn’t want to, and I’ll just call the person by name, or by the pronoun “you”.

This person wouldn’t accept that. This is my first controversial thing. I’ve been very ass-kissy to stay in this grоup. I didn’t think it would be controversial to call someone by name. Apparently it is, and calling someone by name is a “different set of preferred pronouns”. Wtf.

I tried to be as respectful as possible and said it was a compromise because I wasn’t misgendering anyone, and I was feeling comfortable for not having to use they/them. Apparently compromises are offensive because I’ve been mocked for trying to do that. I’ve been called an asshole, a bitch, and “not actually gay”.

I don’t believe nonbinary is a gender and I think alternative pronouns are ridiculous, but I didn’t even say that. I literally called the person by name and got bаnned.

Before I got bаnned, I said I would stop talking about this topic, but everyone kept on talking about me. This group has said stuff like “I want to kill homophobes, break their kneecaps, rip their skin off”.

I didn’t even break any rulеs. They broke some rulеs though.

I’m kind of glad I left, but also I don’t have anywhere to go. Any reasonable LGB(T) grоups online are getting bаnned. I wish I wasn’t gay. I just want to be straight.

Upon hearing about this sub i’d already guessed it was some straight up bullshit. Turns out not only was i right, its worse. So much worse. So let me say something for yall

SEXUAL ORIENTATION IS NOT A CHOICE

ROMANTIC ATTRACTION IS NOT A CHOICE

GENDER IDENTITY IS NOT A CHOICE!

Like it or not the T is in the community because we’re pretty much cast out from everything else. Or just hated to the point we leave. If i could choose not to live like this, i would take that opportunity in the blink of an eye because it is some of the most painful experience ive had in my life. But again i cant choose that, my identity is not something i choose, its developed. This sub honestly just proves how unnecessarily hard it is for us to just exist

Im bisexual and humanist(atheist) my father is straight & a very fundamentalist christian. Im not able to "sweep under the rug" or set aside his beliefs & opinions about my life.

He doesnt think people should be involved with the same sex and that its not natural and god said... Etc, etc. The reason this is an issue is that im addicted to authenticity and i just dont want a friend like that in my life. I dont want to spend my free time around him. Today we were talking about my 3rd cousin and his husband when my dad said he doesnt approve of their lifestyle and this enormous wave of dark emotions flew threw me and i just left.

I dont want to ever feel like that again. It makes me feel inferior and suicidal because this is my father, not some coworker or acquaintance. The same thing happened last year when i came out to him and he handled it awfully.

Can you give me any advice for moving on and ending my friendship with my father?

Its a fucking disease people. One that sucks. Not identity and validation central.

Sorry. Rant over. How is everyone?

I am bisexual female teenager and a lot of the time I catch myself thinking, “I wish I was a man.” Why? Because if I was a man people would take me seriously when I go out for the leadership roles I want. If I was a man, I wouldn’t have the be sexualized all the time. If I was a man, I wouldn’t have to settle for the home staying mother role. I don’t want to have to be compressed into the silent, easy-going woman stereotype. I want to be able to do anything without someone calling me a stupid little girl.

But I know that I only wish to be a man because of all the negatives associated to being female. I am perfectly fine with my body and my femininity. I can still do all these things as a female but it’s harder because of how society values men.

If it wasn’t for this community, I would probably be believing I was transgender, especially with how any sign of not fitting into your assigned sex means you are trans. Every question of “Am I Trans?” is answered with a yes or a most likely.

A big thank you for being a down to earth community that doesn’t call out “transphobia!” and shut you down at any little thing going against their beliefs.

No wonder that this view leads to people saying stuff that sounds like it's from the 1950s. Other than the fact that gender is something you can change instead of being fixed at birth, it's literally a rehash of ideas from several decades ago.

This is my story with trans communities as a bi teenager [M17].

Ok, so it all started like four months ago when quarantine started, I was just recovering from a depressive episode and the corona made everything worse, I spent a lot of days in my bed with no motivation to do anything, I started to ignore school, simple tasks like showering, eating and sleeping were extremely difficult, everything was awful.

Because of past traumas I hated my body (still do tbh), I used to self harm and almost developed an eating disorder, I joined a lot of mental health communities and one discord server for self harm support, people on that discord server were really nice but obviously mentally ill, everyday there was someone talking about killing themselves and shit. The discord was also very pro lgbTQ+ (I guess you guys can guess where it goes from here...)

So I was talking with a trans woman and she started suggesting that I might be a closeted trans, and at the time it made sense to me, I thought that becoming a woman would solve all my problems but thinking of myself as trans made everything worse, I started to get more depressed, my self harm worsened to the point that I made a cut on my genitals once (never again, that shit was stupid). I was having breakdowns almost everyday and the people in that discord server usually made things worse.

Trans subreddits always liked to say how "valid" I was and everything, no one ever questioned that maybe my issues came from self hatred and trauma, they all said that I should accept myself as female, that maybe I should start using she/her pronouns and all that shit.

One day after a really bad breakdown I tried to commit suicide but failed, maybe the pills were expired, maybe I just didn't take enough, it doesn't really matter at this point, the thing is that after waking up (and feeling like shit both physically and mentally) I decided that I made a lot of dumb decisions, so I left the discord server and all the mental health and trans subs, I haven't self harmed since then (15 days clean!) and in general I started accepting myself as who I am. Yes, I was born male and Im fine with that, Im bi and Im fine with that, Im depressed but that's not part of my personality, it's just something I have to deal with, instead of focusing in trying to be someone else I will focus on improving myself.

What worries me is how these trans communities took advantage of my insecurities to make me a part of them, they didn't care about my personal issues, they just wanted me to be a part of them by validating my toxic thoughts.

I don't think that every trans person is like this, Im just telling my own experience with trans communities as a whole

My cousin is gay and he's one of my favorite people in the family. When I was in grade/highschool, I remember seeing gay people in the hallways or on TV, and it seemed like they usually were talking in a high pitched, feminine voice (with that "gay" accent) or acting flamboyant.

My cousin isn't like that at all, he hunts, fishes, talks and dresses like any other straight guy. I asked him why gays usually act like that and he said he doesn't know. His boyfriend is the same way - he's into art and paints but acts like any other guy, I literally would not know they were gay if I randomly met them. We got into this long conversation about why that is and the conclusion we came to is that some people just want everyone to know they are gay and that it is a choice.

I remember this annoying kid in highschool who would just constantly tell everyone. He'd wear pink glittery stuff and scream his flamboyant voice every day. We were paired up for a project once and he kept telling me about how much he loves dick. It's just like what the fuck? I don't care if you are gay. But why does your ENTIRE identity have to revolve around that fact?

This is so common that gay people in movies/TV are constantly shown in this matter. I really liked Wallace's portrayal in Scott Pilgrim because he was just gay, he wasn't overtly flamboyant about it. It's just upsetting because there are people like my cousin who are gay but act completely normal and enjoy traditionally "masculine" activities, but I feel like your average joe doesn't even realize that because the only people they know are for sure gay are the ones being flamboyant as fuck about it.

I don't think I've met or seen a trans person online who wasn't extremely obnoxious like this. It almost seems like the trans community pushes this, like they think if you're gay then you should be extremely feminine and constantly alerting everyone about it. Like if you have a kid and he is gay then you risk the chance of the trans community sucking him in and convincing him he's a femboy who should wear pink dresses, even if that's just not his true self. I don't know.

So why THE FUCK do you still have this? Seriously, we trans people have just as much right to call ourselves lgbt as you do.

would you people consider yourselves transphobic? or would you just like to be separated from the tq+ community?

I rarely share stories about my self but I feel with the current climate it needs to be shared .

When I realized I was gay it was the most fearful thing I was scared and petrified .I felt like I failed as a man . So I set out on mission to straighten myself out .

Every time I thought about guys I would self- harm that means depriving myself of sleep I would force myself to stay awake for days on end which effected my mental health i would stay up untill my body could not take it and would collapsed .

I started doing other stuff like consuming heterosexual porn I thought yeah maybe I need to see more of that the moment i saw a womans vagina I would swell up in disgust but I would force myself but it always ended up with me throwing up on the floor I'd force myself to look and nude woman again same result .

Fast Forward years later Im still finding men hot and I finally accepted myself for who I am and loving myself my body has scars from the shit I did both inside and out but I see them as not shameful things but as sign of the stuff I went through and realizing I'm still here and im still kicking ass .

When I see TRAS post shit like it "youre just a transphobe for not liking man coochie" or "just get over it "pisses me off they have no idea the shit that I went through they have no idea the emotional pain I suffered I only had one person to help me get through my shit and I'm forever thankful for his help .

So to all the TRAS they have a problem with me being only attracted to biological Men FUCk YOU !!! No one has authority over my body and no one owes you shit !!!

Everytime I hear the word nowadays it seems to be used in a gender bending, social justifying context; it makes me laugh because the people using it instantly become cartoons, shouting slogans that no one understands or cares to.

So today I decided to explore the topic of validity.

Dictionary definition:

Validate:

1) To make valid; substantiate; confirm.

2) to give legal force to; legalize.

3) to give official sanction, confirmation, or approval to, as elected officials, election procedures, documents, etc.

So we know that the T isnt banned from thinking that they are T, they also are able to transition if they want to, so definition 2 is definitely out.

So number 3 is "give official sanction to", as most of us know, changing legal definitions is going to cause problems further down the line, but this is an area the T wants to change so they can have their imagined sex on their passport, etc.

So number 1 is their core issue, confirming they are valid. But what does this mean? Are we confirming they are people, or just confirming the lie they invented? Because from what I can see, validation completely relies on validating a lie. When you validate that absolute untruth, you also deny your own reality.

Why are we being pushed so hard to validate a non reality? When we validate a non reality, are we slowly being groomed to validate other things that arent true?

To me it seems like validation is giving authenticity to a thought pattern which is damaging. Nothing means anything, everything is vague and redefinable etc. It allows for a constant spiral into nothingness, and no debate is ever winnable because nothing has concrete definitions.

What do you think about validation? Does it make you laugh out loud? Do you cringe? Have any deeper thoughts on what this obsession with validation is?

Reminder that Transgender people, even though it doesn't have to do with the Queer+ communities, splitting up people only causes the US + THEM conflict. It's important that we stick together or else there will only be more suffering in the world and with each other. ☮️💖☮️💖Peace and love for everyone of all communities

Not sure if this has been posted here yet, but Newsnight has reported on the controversial Tavistok child gender clinic (the one that had 35 staff members resign in three years claiming it was a new form of gay conversion therapy). It’s rather refreshing to see that they seemed critical and didnt lean towards a TRA bias. Newsnight is a very popular programme in the UK so hopefully will have made people think. I reccomend watching it.

NHS child gender clinic: Staff welfare concerns ‘shut down’

I’m new here, so please forgive me if my thoughts are at odds with sub rules.

I’m finding that I am becoming increasingly disillusioned by the direction the LGBT movement is headed.

Lately I’ve been noticing that LGBT people are becoming overly critical of people that don’t fall into the pansexual/have sex with everyone line of thinking. I have witnessed instances of accusations of hate speech and bigotry being thrown at other LGBT people in the past, even personally being accused of hating feminine men because I said I was attracted to masculine men.

To be clear I said I was into bears, and I find men who have that rugged, hairy and bearded quality more attractive than men who laser off every speck of body hair and are more concerned with body fat percentage and shopping malls.

I dunno, maybe my choice of words was wrong, regardless I was accused of being bigoted and fem hating. Never mind the fact that the Bear community came about because at the time, the more feminine gay men wanted nothing to do with Bearish men who didn’t fit into the standards of gay beauty and were ridiculed for being stockier/heavier and more grizzled instead of thin and with softer features.

Despite my preference for masculine men, I do like the fact that we come in masculine and feminine and everything in between flavors.

Moving on to this year, there is an increasing amount of hate speech accusations leveled at non-Trans people who don’t want to have sex with trans people.

I’m confused by this.

How is it hate?

I’m attracted to men, and that includes everything from the facial hair, to the natural shape of their bodies with the body hair as a bonus, to the equipment they have down under.

(Ladies, I’m sure your equipment is a garden of wonders, but as a gold star gay I have no desire to explore it. One trip was enough).

Since when has it become the norm to criticize each other and accuse them of hate crimes for their choice in partner?

One of my straight friends asked me what the other letters under the plus stand for, and I told him, aside from Intersex, I honestly don’t know.

I was always under the impression that being called Queer was hate speech. From what I’ve seen, all the media personalities that call themselves queer are heterosexuals that like to dress fancier and wear eyeliner and finger polish. Isn’t that just being metrosexual?

That really has nothing to do with same-sex attraction.

I don’t even know what all of these new terms and pronouns mean. I saw a YouTube video (the video was titled “An Update on my sexuality”) where a guy had a coming out statement in which he labeled himself as some term that meant he only sleeps with women that he is attracted to.

...isn’t that called being a normal human? Why are you trying to cloak yourself in the LGBT flag?

What the fuck is xe/xyr?

Don’t get me started on otherkin.

The straw that broke the proverbial camels back was the latest update to the flag and actually what led me here because they were complaining about this subreddit. Now I’m not the greatest community member, I don’t go to the effigy burning rallies and engage in the goddess worship (I think that’s what happens) but isn’t the flag already meant to be inclusive? Why is it being co-opted by trans people?

Another thing I’ve noticed is that previous straight allies are turning hateful towards the LGBT community as a whole, because of the bullshit. And when I comment on things I find strange or how they are doing a disservice to our fight for rights I get accused of being a far-right nut job. Even though if I had to categorize myself, it would be center-left.

I don’t know, the LGBT community is becoming strange to me. I think I just need to stick with my tribe of bears and judge people for their poorly maintained beards. Or maybe I’m just an angry old man (in spirit) that’s yelling at clouds.

You see it everywhere - instagram, gaming industry, pride parades, city halls... everywhere.

How does this happen so “easily” and suddenly on such a large scale?

Has anyone else noticed that TRAs have been claiming already existing LGB and gender non confirming characters as their "uwu trans representation" instead of creating their own representation? Because I have, and it's super annoying.

One of such examples is Chihiro Fujisaki from Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (a game from 2010). His story is supposed to be about toxic masculinity. He was bullied for being feminine and forced to pretend to be a girl so that he could avoid bullying. He went to another character for help because he wanted to be more masculine, but that character killed him because of fragile masculinity.

Of course TRAs threw the entire story out of the window, said that the producers of the game were "transmisogynistic" and claimed Chihiro as a "uwu trans girl" even though his entire story revolves around him wanting to be seen as a man.

This was only one of the hundreds of examples. I had first played the game when I was around 15 and the story touched me. Now, 10 years later after it was released, TRAs are trying to claim this character as theirs.

And the worst part is that this happens in real life too. Many LGB people (including me) have been told that they are "trans people in denial".

Has any of you been targeted by this?

Were you a long-time member of /LGBT, /ActualLesbians, or any other LGB sub until you said sexuality and gender identity are different? Were you called a TERF based on your user history regardless of the topic you were discussing? Did you get banned from other subs merely for being a participant here?

Share your stories! Screenshots are welcome as well.

NOTE: our Rules do still apply in this thread. If you share screenshots, be sure to blackout all user names - even your own. Do not attempt to rally other users into retaliating or you'll be banned from this sub as well.

I can't get a clear definition on this word.

Would you explain it, in your own opinion, what sexual attraction is and looks like?

Some people say it's about genitalia first and only. This is what I initially thought. But I am not so sure now.

Others say it's a combination of genitalia desire and "romantic love." But then what about people who don't feel love? Plenty of gay men for example are into hookup culture and love doesn't factor into it. I have had sex but I have never been loved nor loved my partners, does that not "count" as being (whatever orientation?)

Is desire for sex different from being attracted to a person?

How can one know what their sexuality is? If they don't "just know from a young age." I am 24 and I still do not know. What is the difference between "real" attraction, and not? What happens if someone's sexuality is unclear, do they have a "real" one (gay, straight, bi) that's hidden (and if so how can it be found) or are there people who fall out of the norm?

I know for some of you this might seem obvious, but it isn't obvious for everyone. So please don't be rude.

I cant imagine things going on as they are currently, the whole t thing has to implode eventually right ? I feel like people are getting less tolerant of trans ideology over time and with all the things involved with transness it has to end at some point, there's no way this can continue indefinitely.

I know I'm going to be banned from this sub for this, but c'mon, really? We're still excluding trans people in 2020? Get a grip, y'all.

I'm interested in why y'all want to be separated from the trans community?