What is attraction?

Submitted July 8, 2020, 11:32 p.m. by SALTY_EMO_LIZARD

I can't get a clear definition on this word.

Would you explain it, in your own opinion, what sexual attraction is and looks like?

Some people say it's about genitalia first and only. This is what I initially thought. But I am not so sure now.

Others say it's a combination of genitalia desire and "romantic love." But then what about people who don't feel love? Plenty of gay men for example are into hookup culture and love doesn't factor into it. I have had sex but I have never been loved nor loved my partners, does that not "count" as being (whatever orientation?)

Is desire for sex different from being attracted to a person?

How can one know what their sexuality is? If they don't "just know from a young age." I am 24 and I still do not know. What is the difference between "real" attraction, and not? What happens if someone's sexuality is unclear, do they have a "real" one (gay, straight, bi) that's hidden (and if so how can it be found) or are there people who fall out of the norm?

I know for some of you this might seem obvious, but it isn't obvious for everyone. So please don't be rude.

32 comments recovered from the Pushshift database.
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OoFreeSouloO Joanne Rowling is my Queen 👑 · July 8, 2020, 11:44 p.m. · 1 reply

Sexual attraction isn't just about the genitals obviously. It's about primary AND secondary sex characteristics. When you feel sexually attracted to someone, you become much more aware of little things because little things about that person turns you on - they way the person looks at you, the lips, the way that person touches her hair, the way she moves, and her whole body in general - the hips, the boobs, legs, everything and obviously the genitalia is included etc etc (I'm speaking as a lesbian lmao). When you feel sexual attraction, you desire sexually that person, meaning you want to kiss that person and engage sexually with that person.

You can feel sexual attraction without being in love. But, many times, they go hand in hand.

"Is desire for sex different from being attracted to a person?" - I would say those two things go hand in hand. When someone desires sex, that person will desire to have sex with someone she feels attracted to and not some random person lmao.

SALTY_EMO_LIZARDNASTY EDGY ANDROGYNOUS HOMO GENDER CRIMINALâ„¢ · July 8, 2020, 11:49 p.m. · 1 reply

Then by that definition, I do not experience it.

I desire gay sex (only in a specific way) but I have never desired a man. In fact, I have to be facing away from my sexual partner, not looking at him or else I am freaked out and can't get off. Well, I'm freaked out anyway, especially after it's done.

I definitely do not want to touch/kiss them at all. I just want to have sex (in the moment) and then I want to leave as fast as possible, and always regret doing it.

OoFreeSouloO Joanne Rowling is my Queen 👑 · July 8, 2020, 11:53 p.m. · 1 reply

That honestly sounds that you have plenty of mental issues to address, because it feels like there's a detachment between you on a mental level and you on a physical/sexual level.

SALTY_EMO_LIZARDNASTY EDGY ANDROGYNOUS HOMO GENDER CRIMINALâ„¢ · July 8, 2020, 11:56 p.m. · 1 reply

Well I don't know what issues, anyway.

OoFreeSouloO Joanne Rowling is my Queen 👑 · July 8, 2020, 11:58 p.m. · 1 reply

Maybe it would be good for you to reflect on things. The first question being: are you happy with yourself? Because that kind of things can totally happen when you have internalized homophobia.

SALTY_EMO_LIZARDNASTY EDGY ANDROGYNOUS HOMO GENDER CRIMINALâ„¢ · July 9, 2020, 12:01 a.m. · 1 reply

No. Of course I'm not happy.

And "internalized homophobia" is a buzzword that just means "you're too dumb to think for yourself" and/or "how dare you not agree with me, bigot, your opinion can't be genuine because I don't agree with it."

"Society" didn't make me feel this way. Nobody ever told me "gay is bad" and I don't listen to the status quo. I live in a liberal area. I have mostly lived in pro-gay areas.

And I cannot relate to literally anything from gay men. It's not "internalized homophobia."

Continue reading
ciaokhan` · July 8, 2020, 11:45 p.m. · 1 reply

Attraction is whatever you want it to be, and quite frankly..not something to stress about. There are some people far to one side being heterosexual, and others far on the other side, homosexuals.

The is so much grey area in between that gives you the opportunity to flex your wings and explore whatever you wish.

In terms of attraction. I knew I was gay for an incredibly long time. Men have never been or never will be any interest to me romantically. I can acknowledge a beautiful man, I can note his admirable personality. But it has never been anything more than respect. No love, no lust, no desire.

There will always be people who are heterosexual, and those who are homosexual. But the in between is vast, I wouldn't stress so much about it

SALTY_EMO_LIZARDNASTY EDGY ANDROGYNOUS HOMO GENDER CRIMINALâ„¢ · July 8, 2020, 11:47 p.m. · 1 reply

It's not about exploring. I genuinely don't know if I experience attraction or not. I don't know what it is.

ciaokhan` · July 8, 2020, 11:51 p.m. · 1 reply

You have a lifetime to figure it out, dude. You don't have to use labels if you don't want.

SALTY_EMO_LIZARDNASTY EDGY ANDROGYNOUS HOMO GENDER CRIMINALâ„¢ · July 8, 2020, 11:52 p.m. · 1 reply

I don't want to wait. Being alone and having sex with people I don't even like is destroying me mentally.

ciaokhan` · July 8, 2020, 11:55 p.m. · 1 reply

That's seems like something more than just a sexuality issue. Have you ever though of working a bit on yourself?

Finding an anchor or something to give you ground

SALTY_EMO_LIZARDNASTY EDGY ANDROGYNOUS HOMO GENDER CRIMINALâ„¢ · July 8, 2020, 11:55 p.m.

I have tried many things but I don't know what to do.