My experience with trans communities being a teenager
RANT Submitted July 9, 2020, 10:06 p.m. by notworth_itThis is my story with trans communities as a bi teenager [M17].
Ok, so it all started like four months ago when quarantine started, I was just recovering from a depressive episode and the corona made everything worse, I spent a lot of days in my bed with no motivation to do anything, I started to ignore school, simple tasks like showering, eating and sleeping were extremely difficult, everything was awful.
Because of past traumas I hated my body (still do tbh), I used to self harm and almost developed an eating disorder, I joined a lot of mental health communities and one discord server for self harm support, people on that discord server were really nice but obviously mentally ill, everyday there was someone talking about killing themselves and shit. The discord was also very pro lgbTQ+ (I guess you guys can guess where it goes from here...)
So I was talking with a trans woman and she started suggesting that I might be a closeted trans, and at the time it made sense to me, I thought that becoming a woman would solve all my problems but thinking of myself as trans made everything worse, I started to get more depressed, my self harm worsened to the point that
Trans subreddits always liked to say how "valid" I was and everything, no one ever questioned that maybe my issues came from self hatred and trauma, they all said that I should accept myself as female, that maybe I should start using she/her pronouns and all that shit.
One day after a really bad breakdown I tried to
What worries me is how these trans communities took advantage of my insecurities to make me a part of them, they didn't care about my personal issues, they just wanted me to be a part of them by validating my toxic thoughts.
I don't think that every trans person is like this, Im just telling my own experience with trans communities as a whole
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I'm so happy that you're finally embracing and starting to love yourself :) one day at a time, don't be too harsh on yourself!
This, and I believe I can speak on behalf of everyone here, is one of the things that scares us the most - the impact the Trans ideology is having on kids and young teens. Instead of trying to address the mental issues one has or their hatred towards their body, they ENCOURAGE BLINDLY any vulnerable individual into becoming trans. It's so infuriating and sad.
Here you can find support. As you're bisexual, there's a lovely community at r/truebisexuals if you want to join :)
I wish you the best. Hugs ā¤ļø
Aww thank you for the kind words. It is scary how much impact they have on young people, today its all about being part of the lgbt+, some people do it for escapism (like I did at some point) and other just to be part of the oppression olympics, I dont care about what trans adults do with their bodies, but theh should keep it away from the young people.
Also I wish that r/truebisexuals were more active
Best wishes and loads of respect to you
There's also r/bi_irl if you just want a bunch of memes with some discussion attached for shits ans giggles.
r/truebisexuals got a bit spooked recently by the subreddit purge and seem to be a bit shy towards discussion. Don't let that stop you from posting stuff there though.
Aww youāre such a mom šš„ŗ
I'm still pretty young but I'll take that as a compliment šš
Firstly, congrats on being 15 days clean. Keep it up!
Secondly, if you have anymore suicidal thoughts, call 1-800-273-8255 for the suicide hot line in America, and 1-833-456-4566 for Canada.
Thirdly, Iām sorry theyāve preyed on you like that. Iām happy youāve come to realization about who you. Unfortunately, they do like to recruit more people and like to claim certain people as āeggsā, and as well and prey on the vulnerable like you and convince, sometimes successfully, the younger generation in this agenda they have. The younger generation, those who are easily influence or afraid to do not bad, will fall in their traps in fear of being called transphobic or terf.
Just remember who you are and please continue to get better and seek out help if you need it.
Thanks, Im trying to at least reach one month clean!
And yeah, it all started when someone said that I was an egg and that I should browse r/egg_irl. Im over that now, but Im still afraid for my litle sister, she is 14 and is joining a lot of online communities and she has some irl tq+ friends too, they arent bad people but Im afrad that they will try to pressure her to join the community. Its truly terrifying.
Since youāve experienced it, try to educate her as much as you can. Hopefully her TQ+ friends have a little more common sense, but the online communities can be dangerous for a 14 year old.
Every time I go to that sub because it's linked I'm so unsure about it being real or satire. Because... no way people are so delusional. I still remember back in the days of r/neovaginadisasters when I browsed it the first time I thought it was their fucking meme-sub. But its not...
The best thing you can do is explain that things like this subreddit or gc don't hate or even dislike trans people. The main thing is that rights and protections for trans people shouldn't come at the cost of any other group.
My little sister is 13 and like this. What's worse is she doesn't know any of these people, so her ideas come from the "woke" activist types. I think the main thing is just explaining "hey, I think this because X" and explain that doesn't mean you want to harm any of the tq+ group either
Iām sorry you went through this, friend. Never forget this: you ARE valid. You are worthy of this earth, of this life. You are NOT alone. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I encourage you to stay away from anything that makes you feel negative. You deserve a community that loves you for who you see yourself as, and not to change into someone that youāre not.
Are you safe now? Are you living with your parents/can you talk to them about this? Maybe a friend or even a therapist? You deserve love, my friend.
The gay movement was founded on unconditional love. That was not love. Iām sorry this happened. While I suggest speaking with someone in person, we are here for you.
The world is a better place with you in it, never forget that
Thank you, Im safe but I dont think I will ever tell my parents, my mother is really biphobic (for some reason she accepts gay people but not bi) and I dont trust my family in general, maybe I'll talk to some friends when the quarantine ends but it will be hard.
Thank you a lot for your support <3.
Iām glad to hear youāre safe. Iām sorry to hear about your mom. I remember how u felt while I was still in the closet. I was so terrified. I was worried that my family would hate me for it. But then when I came out, my family loved me all the same, and I began to wonder why I waited until I was 22.
Millions of men and women have been in your shoes, my friend. Youāre not alone in this. How does your Dad feel? Maybe a brother or sister or cousin? I feel like it helps to talk to someone in person. The first person I told I was gay was my older brother. He helped me tremendously.
I can understand the desire to be quiet, but you also deserve to love who you choose. As long as youāre safe now, thatās all what matters :)
Fellow teen here
For real it disgusts me how much I see all this bullshit āvalidation only if you hate your body and let us convince you that you are what you arentā in lgbt spaces and even in non lgbt spaces. It becomes like an echo chamber of people just becoming ātransā because thatās the only way people can get validation. Iām sorry you went through all of that. If you ever wanna talk feel free to pm me.
Good for you for realizing all of that.
Please always remember that it is okay to feel weird about yourself, and your body at your age (and at any age). It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you, or that you're trans, or anything else. It is something a lot of people have various cycles of throughout their lives. You may question your attraction over the years, or be unhappy with your body, or wonder what you're doing with your life, or anything else - all of that can be quite normal. But the T's try to make everything fit into that one, singular shoebox, when 99% of the times it is not the right solution.
I'm glad to hear that you are harm-free for that long of a period and hope for nothing but the best in your recovery.
As a fellow suicidal depressed person, it's always best to leave communities that are harmful. The trans community (and other mentally unwell communities) has bad actors that are stuck in the 'crab in a bucket' mentality where they refuse help and instead drag others down with them instead of promoting better mental health. There is also the belief that the medical system is 'against them' by waiting to get a fuller picture which doesn't result in instant gratification and spirals with the depression unless dealt with.
Validation is an issue with which I have little personal experience, but I can give my professional experience in. I have seen that validation culture results in patients internalizing ideals to fit in. With validation culture, it manifests feelings of being a part of the 'in-crowd' while neglecting underlying mental health issues. These people don't want you to better yourself, they want you to be like them. This ideology tends to skew young while people are discovering themselves and trying to find their identity.
God speed with your recovery because it's a hard fight.
You're a kid, man. You know nothing of the world to save your life. You were never travelling alone around the world, you never found the wonder of the unknown, you have been grown up enough to do anything for maybe two years. What makes you think you are anywhere close to an understanding of whether your life is worth living?
You have about 8 years left to kill yourself, after that it's almost completely certain you will never have suicidal thoughts again. Hang in there.
Very poor choice of words to end your statement there...
Meh. Could argue that. The thought of understanding my own minds weakness to impulsive behaviour is what kept me going so far. I just wanted to at least be the one person to go against the normal "feel good" train. It doesn't solve much usually. Explain where the bad feelings come from. Make it so you understand where this urge comes from. Make it so you have an explanation why "it's not like this for others". There's normally no guarantee whatsoever your bad episodes will disappear. They will only get better if you change.
And what happens if I still have suicidal thoughts in 8 years? Would that mean Im a lost cause?
Im sure you mean well and everything but please be careful with your words, it doesn't affect me that much but you could harm someone with what you said.
Nah. It means the statistical probability goes down so far it's laughable compared to now. The data is clear. Suicidal thoughts are most common in adolescence and young adults. It goes down dramatically from there. Chances are you will become way smarter than you are now. Chances are there exist things you really like about the world, and you will discover them sooner or later.
What do you think the other replies do? Do you think they have it figured out completely? I've thought about this a lot but am still not completely sure I have the best grasp on it. Maybe one of them will claim to be older than me and then still I can call bullshit on that.
That's so condescending. And for the record I'm 27 and still suicidal since age 15 so I'm not sure where you're coming from with the 8 year thing.
Hello! Fellow teenager here (19 in 3 days). I feel like we have a lot of similar experiences. I have a past with self harm as well (almost 7 months clean), and have experienced gender confusion. It's a bit different for me though, since I'm a butch lesbian. I genuinely like dressing masculine, but I am not a trans man. I'd see all these posts that describes some feelings I've had, so I thought I must be trans. Nope, I'm perfectly happy being a butch.
When I (gay male) broke up with my bisexual ex (male) I started wondering if I was a transwoman 8 years ago. I told my therapist (I have recurrent depression and Autism) and she immediately wanted me to get in touch with the trans "crew" 20 km away. She didn't bother to try to root out the problem, because she wanted to look progressive. Obviously my thoughts were because my ex was bisexual and I wanted to still be attractive to him and increase my dating pool. I'm a masculine biological male who's very happy with having a penis. Proud to be gay too.
This and other things made me start wondering if the whole trans thing (not just SRS) might be even harmful to people.
Anyways my therapist reaction made me feel weird because she's usually logical and calm so I thought about it for a couple of weeks then came to the conclusion above and said no.
Hey man! I just want to say thank you for sharing your story. More people need to see what the trans community is doing to kids and teens. Iām sorry youāre going through so much, my DMs are always open if you need someone to talk to. I went through a similar situation to yours. Around 17 I started to explore being nb, and now, 3 years later and Iām still a woman and Iām happy with that. Take care of yourself, and congrats on staying clean! Keep it up!
Remember there is absolutely nothing stopping you from being a man, shaving your body, cross dressing, wearing nail polish, watching "girly" TV shows, or anything else in the world. You do not need to take hormones, alter your pronouns or your perception of yourself to do any of this.
Trans communities have a massive grooming problem, itās disgusting.
I was banned from multiple communities that talk about selfharm because I don't think the lgb community goes further then the t
I know how hard it is man, keep it up
Youāre smart as hell. Thanks for sharing your story.
Youāre definitely not trans. Donāt listen to that nonsense. The trans community are always trying to push their bullshit on people that already have a history of mental health issues or self hatred because itās so easy for them to convince you.
I promise becoming a woman isnāt going to make all your problems go away. Itāll probably make them 10 times worse and then youāll be used as a pawn to push their stupid agenda that stems from straight men having a kink for lesbian women or vice versa.
im glad you got better! it's always a delight hearing stories about people healing. wish you all the best!
They are applying the same techniques recruiters for cults use. This is actually quite disturbing.
Those aren't trans ppl. They're toxic tucute trenders
The reasoning that "life is so much easier as a girl" just shows you how little the people making such statements know about what is like to be a girl or a woman. I think both sexes have some experiences unique to their sex but I don't think life as one is objectively better than the other in modern cultures. It's just depressed or mentally ill people looking for an easy fix to all their problems. If they go ahead with transition they might be happy once it's new and if they suddenly get treated with respect etc etc but then years later when the reality kicks in and the novelty wears off, I think many will end up worse off than before, because they didn't treat their actual problems and now have possibly permanently changed their body :/.
Life is hard for everyone irrespective of sex. Leave these harmful communities behind and get therapy if you can. Things do get easier when you get older because you'll have more control over your own life, although adulthood comes with crap stuff as well. But it's easier to manage.
Congratulations on 15 days clean!
I'm a 20 year old bi man who struggled a lot with depression and self hate for a long time. If you need someone who understands, you're free to DM me!
I'm extremely happy for you but I'm concerned about the pills. Some medication may deteriorate your internal organs if taken in excess. Not saying this happened to you but maybe you should get checked out by a doctor just to be safe. A friend of mine attempted suicide in a similar fashion and all it did was cause kidney issues a few months down the line. She's okay now but please be careful.
The teenage years truly are the trenches and if you have any sort of history of trauma or mental health issuesāitās going to be infinitely more difficult.
I am so glad you were able to break free from something which was harming you though.
Congrats on over 2 weeks clean. I know how hard it is. Keep going!
Thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad you were able to escape this before it got entirely out of hand and you lost your healthy male body! Next step, depression treatment!
finding your identity is something extremely complicated that a lot of people dont even find even at the end of their lives, but it is something that you should find for yourself and take moderate advice from others, doesnt mean that you shouldnt fight your own demons but sometimes is better to try to make your life better yourself, this case proves this, i hope you find what makes you happy and start going over all those fears and anger you have, doesnt mean you shouldnt trust people or ask for help but ask for help from the right people, not people that want to start gromming you into something you arent, i hope you can make great bonds and get over this terrible period of your life, i had a bad life myself but im trying to be better everyday and now its not so bad, you can do it.
You don't have to share this information if you don't want to, but what's your home life like? Are your parents absent or abusive? It worries me that no one in your life would notice you were suffering and needed their help...
I'm glad you are coming to a point in your life where you're comfortable with yourself, best of luck with that.
As for the trans community, this is a classic from a list of classics for them. It seems fairly common for them to pick on vulnerable people, especially those that are under 18, and try to coerce them over to their 'side'. This could be politically or with their T+ movement, but they don't tend to try and predate on adults that have a strong personality (that may also have some issues going on in their life).
This may be controversial for me to say, but it reminds me of how pedophiles and hebephiles approach vulnerable children and adolescents and then take advantage of their situations (which often involve mental illness or prior abuse). I would say the fact that there is significant overlap between predators thats refers to themselves as MAPs (minor attracted persons), and those in the trans community, only bolsters this comparison. The methods they use are at least similar if not the same in many cases. Are these people dangerous? Well child predators are, I don't know if I can say for certainty if many in the T+ community are...
First of all, congratulations on having enough self awareness and critical thinking skills to realize your feelings came from depression/trauma and not because you're secretly trans. Being introspective is not an easy thing to do and a lot of people in our society definitely don't do it so I commend you on that. It's really scary how the trans community just invites people in without questioning whether their issues in life might stem from something else. Cult mentality indeed.
Secondly, I do wish you the best on the road ahead for self harm and depression. I myself did it for most of my grade 8 year and I understand the pain of hating your scars, the dark addiction towards cutting, etc. At age 22 I'm currently seeking scar removal treatments -- you'd be surprised by the tech that's on the market now, but even I feel uncertain about it, worried that I may have to live with these marks forever. The lady there told me that she sees at least 10 patients a month who come because of old self harm scars, so you are definitely not alone. Life can be pretty darn tough and everyone has their own coping method (whether it's drinking or skipping school or whatever else), the only difference is that ours leaves a scar behind. Just try to reframe your experiences and know that they made you stronger and more in touch with the rich spectrum of human emotion.
Lastly, you're only 17 -- or as I like to call it, young af. You've got your whole life ahead of you! Adventure awaits :)
You are not alone and your best days are ahead. I was terribly depressed and suicidal when I was your age, and from therapy surrounding myself with good influences who both support me and call me out on my bullshit, I was able to build self-love, a life, and a career. It sounds like you have a lot of self-awareness and are now on the right path. I don't even recognize the person I was before and I am terrified at the thought of how these communities would have dug their claws in and influenced me had they been around with the same degree of prevalence in my day. I would have been an easy target.
You are also bright in that you can see exactly the ways in which those people were harming you and were not looking out for your best interests. You have a bright future ahead of you. There will be ups and downs, but your future is yours, and you are in the driver's seat.
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