I wish I was a man.

Lesbian/Bi Women's Issues Submitted July 10, 2020, 12:51 a.m. by Kermit_Froggo_Boi

I am bisexual female teenager and a lot of the time I catch myself thinking, “I wish I was a man.” Why? Because if I was a man people would take me seriously when I go out for the leadership roles I want. If I was a man, I wouldn’t have the be sexualized all the time. If I was a man, I wouldn’t have to settle for the home staying mother role. I don’t want to have to be compressed into the silent, easy-going woman stereotype. I want to be able to do anything without someone calling me a stupid little girl.

But I know that I only wish to be a man because of all the negatives associated to being female. I am perfectly fine with my body and my femininity. I can still do all these things as a female but it’s harder because of how society values men.

If it wasn’t for this community, I would probably be believing I was transgender, especially with how any sign of not fitting into your assigned sex means you are trans. Every question of “Am I Trans?” is answered with a yes or a most likely.

A big thank you for being a down to earth community that doesn’t call out “transphobia!” and shut you down at any little thing going against their beliefs.

32 comments recovered from the Pushshift database.
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happy-Bumbleb33` · July 10, 2020, 1:51 a.m.

I'm so glad we could be here for you, no idea how soon this sub will be removed. Not fitting in to gender roles definitely makes things difficult and it's not helpful that the trans community reinforces gender roles by pushing anyone that's slightly non conforming to transition, hang in there ❤️

witchcocktor · July 10, 2020, 2:21 a.m. · 1 reply

I've had similar experiences growing up. I hoped for so long that I could just be a girl, because then I could date boys, dress pretty and like feminine things without judgment. Growing up I realized that I can do all that while being a guy, which I am, and if people judge, they are wrong, plain and simple. It feels liberating to find that confidence in yourself, that you can be yourself, like/dislike things you that do despite what kind of a box society is trying to force you into, but finding that confidence takes time.

It's an amazing feat you can already examine yourself and your situation like this, it gives me confidence that the youth isn't all messed up!

wotsitsncheesypuffs · July 10, 2020, 6:42 a.m.

'I hoped for so long that I could just be a girl, because then I could date boys, dress pretty and like feminine things without judgment. '

A trilliion times this. I was so confused as a child, on the one hand I loved learning martial arts, playing rugby, doing motorcross. All deeply sterotypical 'manly' pursuits. All well supported and encouraged by peers and parents.

And then on the other side of that. You had me crossdressing, makeup and loving boys. Which was not seen as such a 'manly' pursuit and definately was not encouraged or supported by peers or parents in fact my school and my parents and the family GP all had me sent to see various shrinks and other medical types to 'fix me'. Bear in mind this around 1982.... Very different times.

'Growing up I realized that I can do all that while being a guy, which I am, and if people judge, they are wrong, plain and simple. It feels liberating to find that confidence in yourself, that you can be yourself, like/dislike things you that do despite what kind of a box society is trying to force you into, but finding that confidence takes time.'

Took me nearly 30 years to be able to be able to do this. Christ what a waste of time I spent ashamed and feeling broken and 'dirty'.

Fuck all that noise.

Shame is bullshit.

Pebbleinthestream1` · July 10, 2020, 2:35 a.m.

You don’t have to fit into any of those things based on being a woman! I work with a lot of very senior women in leadership roles, they are now coming through as the majority in my area of work.

VixnSkye` · July 10, 2020, 3:10 a.m. · 1 reply

I'm often so sick of these bullshit, super-gendered stereotypes. These are just that. Stereotypes. There is a reason why the US is so much the centerpiece of the whole transgender, non-binary, "my cat walked through the keyboard" side of LGBT. In Europe, gender roles are much less strictly enforced. Here nobody forces you against, or belittles you if you want to choose some job that doesn't fit the stereotype for your gender. Quite honestly, around here the vast majority of people actually find it cool, when a woman does well in a male-centered field.

fermyz · July 10, 2020, 8:57 a.m.

welcome to any country that isn't the Us or the middle east and africa

NeonBadgerMkI · July 10, 2020, 4:03 a.m. · 1 reply

You arent taken seriously because you're a woman? Maybe it's because your attitude is weak? Respect is earned, and you dont get respect by virtue of your genitalia.

FlickerInftext · July 10, 2020, 5:42 a.m. · 1 reply

this comment may sound rude but is the truth, men with weak attitudes get no respect either.

NeonBadgerMkI · July 10, 2020, 6:50 a.m. · 1 reply

It's true. Everytime I have been alone with senior men in management; they appreciate hard workers or knowledgable people whether male or female. The constant victim narrative is pushed politically, and its incredibly damaging. Telling people they are failing because they are women/gay/black is a very lazy analysis, wrong, and creates self fulfilling prophesies for the demotivated.

I will take the downvotes from the ones who get off on being victims. I just find it sad they are so easily convinced by people who lie so often.

drew0594genitals enthusiast uwu · July 10, 2020, 6:54 a.m. · 1 reply

Yeah, it would be interesting to know what country OP is from because it seems like the typical mentality I would expect from the US but not from countries in Europe or even Asia I believe.

NeonBadgerMkI · July 10, 2020, 7:14 a.m.

I'm from europe, the US might be loud but europe has just as many angry entitled progressives......and the regular low self esteem people they gaslighted into believing lies. Progressivism functions entirely on manipulating people via peoples insecurities.

snub-nosedmonkey · July 10, 2020, 4:16 a.m. · 1 reply

I don't know what country you're from, but where I'm from women are pretty much taken as seriously as men. I've worked in a large organisation and had female managers, and also seen female directors and a female CEO. I studied a scientific master's degree where the majority of people on my course we're female. I hope you haven't got a warped view of the real world from Reddit, Twitter and radical feminists because the real world (at least where I'm from) is much better than the internet makes it seem.

Tweeders55 · July 10, 2020, 7:37 a.m. · 1 reply

Radical Feminists are a fine group of people. We are the realists in this situation and bringing out the obvious truth about trans ideology. Just stop with this nonsense. Women of science are radfems just for believing in science if for no other reason. Yeesh

.

snub-nosedmonkey · July 10, 2020, 8:52 a.m. · 1 reply

I guess we have a different view of what radical feminism entails! There's nothing radical about wanting equality and being scientific where I'm from.

Tweeders55 · July 10, 2020, 9:30 a.m.

I agree. Ergo according to trans ideology you are a radfem by default. You believe in science. Rf you are.

smolbur · July 10, 2020, 6:18 a.m.

Maybe question some of those beliefs.

Confident people get leadership roles.

Men are naturally more predisposed to confidence because we're naturally more agressive.

Work on your confidence and there's nothing stopping you acheiving anything a man can (except maybe sperm donation lol).

Lazaycopetant · July 10, 2020, 7 a.m. · 2 replies

Trans people don’t wish they were the opposite sex just to get a head in life though. They believe they are born in the wrong body.

Tweeders55 · July 10, 2020, 7:38 a.m.

A lot of them are.

Kermit_Froggo_Boi` · July 10, 2020, 8:51 a.m.

I’m not saying I’m trans, I’m saying that I could have been tricked into thinking I was trans. There is a growing amount of trans people announcing “You don’t need dysphoria to be trans” which would confuse a lot of children or young teens.

floraris · July 10, 2020, 7:07 a.m.

You don't need to settle for the stay at home mother role. These aren't the 50's. Date women? One of the best thing about homosexual relations is the lack of gender roles.

TrilIias` · July 10, 2020, 7:31 a.m.

I was once working on a group project in which the appointed leader was a woman. She was normally a decent leader, but on this occasion she was objectively terrible. She lied to the professor about the other students including myself, saying we had all missed the two scheduled meetings, when we hadn't and she had. There were many other problems with how she led the team, and at one point I called her out on our groupme.

She proceeded to confront me saying that as a man, I'm just granted respect and taken seriously, while she isn'y given the respect she deserves. As such, she argued that I needed to do my part to help lift up her voice rather than tear it down from its already low position, all because I'm a man and she's a woman.

I would also add that she has told me on two occasions that I shouldn't work so hard because then it sets a higher standard for the other students and makes them not look as good by comparison. I have worked very hard for whatever respect I have earned. Do you know how insulting it was for that witch to tell me that I was only shown respect because I'm a man and she was not shown respect because she was a woman?

That is what I'm reminded of whenever I see women whining about how no one takes them seriously. Cut the B.S. excuses. Maybe you don't deserve to be taken seriously.

keontre83 · July 10, 2020, 7:53 a.m. · 2 replies

What is this?? It's 2020, you literally don't have to be any of those things... At all. If you want proof just turn on the TV or do a quick Google search.

Women have some hardships (so do men) but being a traditional woman is no longer required.

drew0594genitals enthusiast uwu · July 10, 2020, 8:10 a.m.

Some people like to think they are always the victims because it's an excuse for their shortcomings.

Kermit_Froggo_Boi` · July 10, 2020, 8:45 a.m.

I don’t know if it’s as required but it’s still being pushed, at least on to me. Many times I’ve been told the things I’ve mentioned and I do know that I don’t have to bend to them. Many times my own mother tells me I have to marry a doctor and have kids.

LostAtCenter · July 10, 2020, 8:50 a.m.

I wish I was a man so I could go camping alone, I could go hiking alone, I could do tons of more stuff alone and wouldn't have to be scared of being raped. Unfortunately I can't really, most areas are starting to be too dangerous for that. And if I would go and something would happen to me, I would be blamed for going alone as a female.

fermyz · July 10, 2020, 8:56 a.m.

most of the trans community doesn't actually hate the body they were born with, most of them are in a similar situation as you

I'm glad you can see it, congratulations :D

Onein1024th · July 10, 2020, 10:10 a.m.

But I know that I only wish to be a man because of all the negatives associated to being female. I am perfectly fine with my body and my femininity. I can still do all these things as a female but it’s harder because of how society values men.

You can do it. there are plenty of powerful women out there making it happen; you can too if that's what you desire as a career. Just cultivate the traits of a good leader in yourself.

It's 2020, people don't really care what gender their boss is. So long as you're a good boss who supports people while holding them accountable; you'll be respected.

Keep in mind, there are a lot of men who lack good leadership qualities and, as such, get passed over for promotions their entire lives. They're just harder to see. If you're going to compare yourself to men, compare yourself to all men, not just the ones at the top.

sleepyflotsam · July 10, 2020, 11:08 a.m.

I'm honestly shocked how much things seem to have gone backwards. Like you, I'm a bisexual woman, but I was born in the 90s. I was a LEGO-building, tree-climbing, mud-splashing kind of girl who hated skirts and dresses and wanted to cut her hair short. I became extremely depressed in puberty and I probably would've been diagnosed as trans at that time. Instead I grew into an androgynous, outdoorsy, outspoken type-A adult, and I am still fully, gloriously, proudly a woman. I understand wishing to be a man - it feels like an escape from the confines and dangers of femininity. It's a way out of being perceived as the cursed, weaker, less-than sex. What terrifies me is that girls are told they can become men to avoid these dangers instead of being told that they can grow up and work to smash this shitty, antiquated system to bits. It's telling girls to give up the fight - if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. And it scares me. I wish you strength, vision, courage, and authentic happiness. And if anyone calls you a stupid little girl, they're introducing themselves to you as useless trash.

nosleepforthedreamer` · July 10, 2020, 11:22 a.m.

Stop asking to be taken seriously. Just do what you’re gonna do.

fu4922 · July 10, 2020, 11:56 a.m.

These are feelings of inferiority. Focus on your strengths.