Partner preferences vs how you present poll
Chit-Chat Submitted July 7, 2020, 9:52 a.m. by neverthrownaway777Didn't include stems or more options because of the poll limit, was just wondering what the members here find attractive based on how they present themselves. If you present as neither femme or butch feel free to comment your preferences below.
128 comments recovered from the Pushshift database.
MOC attracted to beautiful femmes lol
I picked femme for femme, but I also like more tomboyish girls, but not full on butch. More like in between things I guess ha
This is me too.
Femme attracted to butches :)!
I’m not butch or femme. Not into strictly butches or strictly femmes. I seem to like brown hair, brown eyes haha
Funny I have brown hair and brown eyes haha
😏
🙋🏻♀️
omg, I never thought anyone could find that special somehow. I always thought that was/is so ordinary lmao! I have brown hair and brown eyes lmao
We should form a club!
😘
Crunchy for crunchy
Like granola?
Exactly
Mmmm granola
I don't think I'm a butch or a femme really. Comfort oriented? Day by day changes that lean one way or another. It's just clothes to me I guess. Futch? Chapstick lesbian? Is there a term for someone with short hair who wears button ups and trousers 90% percent of the time, but throws on a dress when she cant be bothered or on hot days or just cuz it looks nice? I dunno. And no strong preference for one or the other, but a strong initial attraction for visibly lesbian women so that tends to be butch more often than not. But I like a lot of types.
Comfortable is the word
Neither presenting. No strong preference.
I'm feminine overall but can be a tomboy as well in style/interests. I like other feminine leaning women.
I usually dress mostly feminine but I’m not afraid to throw on some cargo pants or a skirt. It just depends on what I’m doing and how I feel that day. As far as who I’m attracted to...I like strong women, women that are outspoken and bold. That comes in so many forms, I don’t even worry about it. I just love all the women!
You love strong women, and many pockets. So say we all...
Here, here!!! Your user name cracks me up!
Why, thank you!
what are the fourth and fifth options labelled I already voted so I cant see them
I usually say stem but really I'm butch in spring, fall, and winter and femme in the summer because dresses and skirts are just comfier.
What is stem? I thought that was a tech thing
I think it comes from stud + femme. It's usually lesbians that dress masc but also like wearing make up and feminine hairstyles.
Would you say this is more Glam Butch or Macho Femme? lol. The names for things.
More like desperately trying to appeal to most women possible. Best example is Kristen Stewart. I joke that it's PG-13 hollywood butch. Looks kinda butch but not butch enough to offend the Karens.
Kristen Stewart is funny because I called that when I saw Panic Room, and that was before Jodie Foster was out. Lol. I was like “DYYYYYYKES” and everyone was mad.
Kristen Stewart is seeming gayer and gayer as the years go on. Like she doesn’t even try to sit heterosexually anymore.
Does this mean you are an Android? Love it
I'm actually a stem in STEM 😆
I'm butch attracted to butches I wish there were more of us
I say “femme” for myself because that’s what others see. I don’t really know what it’s supposed to feel like to BE femme, though. And I have a lot of types of women I like, it’s hard to narrow it down because there are so many women who are beautiful IMO
I can't read them.
Edit: I would pick no preference really. Not that it matters.
you have to click on them without voting, and the text will move automatically👍🏼
Very happy to see there's some butch lovin' butches in here!
I'm a butch that prefers others butches.
It's neat to see all the preferences!
My feelings are butches and tomboy types are hot, and they generally "get" me more easily and don't expect me to take a certain role by default?
Sometimes women (more often femmes) expect me to be the decisive one in a relationship, or take the lead or top a lot. In reality I'm not that kind of butch. :/
I also prefer women who don't shave or wear makeup, and they happen to be butch more often than not.
I can totally relate to you, but the other way around, as I'm a femme attracted to other femmes. For me, the butch/femme dynamic feels weird to me, I feel as if I'm "expected" to be the feminine one and take certain roles by default and it makes me sooo uncomfortable. If I was with a butch, I feel like me and her would be unhappy because I would expect things from her she could never give to me, nor I could give to her. This is based on my personal experience.
I'm just really attracted to the idea of having someone equal to me by my side, someone who "gets" me, as you also said.
Also:
I'm again just like you, but the other way around. I love to see women who wear make up (not all the time though), polish nails, wear dresses etc etc etc. And those are typically femme.
I think femme/femme and butch/butch relationships are really beautiful but I'm biased haha.
I'm butch 4 butch for the same reasons as you. And I don't shave my legs or wear makeup
I’m femme, and I don’t have a strong preference except I’m not really into other femmes, romantically speaking. Butch or neither is just fine by me. I adore my femme sisters but I don’t think I could date someone as equally (or more) femme as me. Plus butch/tomboyish/stud/any spectrum of more ‘masculine’ women are just really hot. 🤷🏼♀️
Femmes are hot too, but in a different sense....if I see a super hot femme, 100% I want to BE her, haha.
(Basically, women are hot. Just in general. I love lesbianism.)
Tomboy who's into everyone.
Same. I wouldn't call myself neither femme nor butch.
Sweet, nerdy femme. Definitely interested solely in nerdy, sweet MOC women.
I'm femme and I since I haven't had many experiences with other women I don't know what I like the most yet, so I'll just say I don't have a defined preference haha. I think women in general are really pretty!
I didn’t expect ‘femmes attracted to femmes’ to be the majority
EDIT: I’m a tomboyish femme - but more femme - attracted to femmes and its so hard for me to find femmes that want femmes. Most femmes I met in real life are attracted to real tomboys and butches 😔
Where are the femmes attracted to femmes in real life 🥺
I am not surprised at all lol... As a femme we CONSTANTLY complain there are no other femmes around us, but there are... We just have to take the initiative more than we would like.
I don’t mind taking the initiative at all. That’s not my problem. My struggle is to spot a femme lesbian in the crowd haha. It’s easier on internet but in real life it’s impossible for me. And I know it’s also hard for other lesbians to see me, I’m very “straight looking”.
I really don’t mind making the first move I am this type of person naturally anyways, like, I’ll ask the number, ask them out, hit on them, buy flowers etc. I don’t like to say I’m ‘dominant’ because that implies that my partner would be submissive/passive and I’m not really about it. I don’t really like the submissive/dominant, top/bottom dynamic but I’m definitely the confident/make things happen type. BUT, sometimes I just wanted to feel desired by woman, if that makes any sense.. I wanted at least once a woman to hit on me, or ask my number or check me out whatever but they don’t because everyone that doesn’t know me assumes I’m straight. Even butch lesbians don’t hit on me. 😔
I wish we had a secret thing like a bracelet, tattoo, gesture or whatever it was so we could spot each other lol 🥺
Omg, are you me? I also am not afraid of taking initiative and that has nothing to do with how we "behave sexually". I personally am more bottom than top, but I'm not definitely a strict bottom. I'm kind of a switch, but more bottom.But yeah, my main problem is to spot the femme. If I knew she was homossexual I'd just go for it. But the fact that femmes get blended in the straights makes everything so much harder 😞I also wish women took more initiave like you and me. Actually, I'd love to have a partner just like me on that aspect. I don't want to be the only one doing stuff. I just want an equal, no stupid gender roles of "who does this, who does that". Just a very equal relationship overall at all levels.
I find with femmes it’s in the eyes. They just look at women differently . also, they treat women differently than men. They pay attention to women in a gentle way and look bored or a little detached around men unless it’s a good buddy and they are laughing, . It’s how I figured out one of my bosses was a lez, and how a coworker was bi
Yeah, I understand. But as I've been led on by straight women before a couple of times, I 'm always scared ugh. If only straight women would leave lesbians alone
Nah, are you me? Hahaha
I feel you in a next level. I hate to see people asking random couples on internet ‘who’s the top who’s the bottom?’. It can only mean two things:
1) Their sex life.
Which is ridiculous, people cannot and should not feel comfortable to go around asking people they don’t even know how they behave in bed, regardless of their sexual orientation. Like, wtf?
And when you call them out and say that they wouldn’t be ask this same invasive question to a straight couple they generally respond with “well, we don’t because we already know who’s the dominant and the submissive in straight couples” I mean.. no? 🤦🏻♀️ Not all straight women are submissive and not all straight men are dominant but why does that matter anyways? I don’t get it, I find it impolite, invasive and rude. Fuck off lol.
2) How they behave in life.
Which goes for who’s the dominant/submissive or passive, who’s the top/bottom. My problem with it is that people assume that in all relationships there’s a dominant/top one and a submissive/bottom one — not talking about sexual preferences but social behavior. i.e. who take and who is taken, who orders who obey, who would give flowers who would would receive, who clean and cook etc. Which in my view is kind of heteronormative. If you really stop and reflect about it this is just a “woke” way to ask that infamous question that, most, if not all lesbians hate “who’s is the man of the relationship?”.
I understand that, for some lesbians/bisexual women this dynamic comes naturally, they’re naturally dominant or naturally passive and are attracted to the opposite of what they are. I understand that some people not even just lesbians, also straight couples and gay couples, want and like that dominant/submissive dynamic and for me that’s completely fine. What is not fine though, is people assuming that this is the norm, the standard, all couples or most couples are like this and if you’re not then there’s something weird, wrong or edgy about you.. look, there’s nothing edgy in an equal relationship. Are society really so fucked up that equality among a couple is exotic ... really?
Anyways...
I don’t want to be in a heteronormative lesbian relationship. And that’s just me, other lesbians can do whatever they want but I don’t want to be in a relationship with a woman that needs and/or want a heteronormative dynamic.
I don’t want to play the “man” just because I have masculine behavior traits and I also don’t want to be treated or think of as fragile, weak, or helpless just because I have feminine behavior traits.
I have strength and weakness. I can be soft and rough. I want to take care of who I love and be taken care. I can be strong and fragile. I can be sexual and loving. I have fears and courage; Because I’m not a robot, i am human being. I feel all the human emotions so does everyone else. That’s why I don’t like the top/bottom concept - outside the bed - the expectation of people playing roles also come the necessity of suppressing natural emotions.
I want to cook to my girlfriend but I don’t want to be her maid. I want to give my girlfriend flowers and gifts but I also want to receive. I want to give my girlfriend sexual pleasure, I also want to receive. I want to take girlfriend to dinners, dates, trips I also want to be taken. I want to be soft, loving and caring to my girlfriend, I also want her to be soft, loving and caring. Sometimes I want to be rough, dominant and the boss (most of the time I can’t help lol) but sometimes I want my woman to be rough, dominant and bossy. I want I relationship in which both of us have a voice, power to make decisions, listen and speak.
I’ve have had quite a few relationships and whenever they’re not equal they don’t last because no one want and will play the dumbass weak cutie or the strong assertive fearless mami forever. 😂
I really hate peoples assuming I’m weak, fragile, have no personality and I’m submissive just because I’m feminine presenting. I know that comes from sexism and misogyny that’s why it really pisses me off so much that even lesbians - not all but a lot - still have this type of mindset.
That’s a long ass response, I’m sorry and sorry for my English too. 😂
You’re English is perfect I would never have guessed it wasn’t you’re first language.
I agree with you on everything. Also you are very beautiful 😍. Sorry I'm butch though
No problem!
You honestly sound the perfect woman for me ahah 😍 That's exactly the kind of woman I'm looking for lmao! I'm not going to copy everything you write, but like for real, that's exactly it.
Again, that's exactly what I'm looking for lmao!! I'm literally the opposite as you. I tend to be more bottom and want the other to take charge, but sometimes I do want to be the one taking control 😍
This sub is giving me lots of hope lmao! You just described exactly what I'm looking for in a partner and in a relationship lmao! I totally agree with you on everything :) I wish you the best! :D
Are you scary? I’ve been told I am intimidating. But also intimidating because “you’re so funny and I am afraid you’re going to laugh at me,” which I would never actually do to someone. I just have a direct gaze and am interested in people and like listening to what they tell me.
maybe you just seem focused on people and confident and it’s intimidating.
Where are we? We’re all just so hard to spot that we all assume we’re the only ones 😂😂 that’s the problem with not having an easy place to meet other lesbians these days! How likely is it that you’ll spot another femme who you know is also a lesbian on the road, and that you’ll approach her?! Next to none.
Exactly, this is what I said on my other response ‘how to spot femmes’ that’s the big question! 😔😂
I would say I for the most part presents as femme and I’m attracted to femmes too
What she said ^
I guess I'm sort of like a stem ? I'm not overly femme but I'm not full on butch
I like to paint my toe nails but I also change my own oil on my bike and car
So 🤷♀️
i don't think i fall into either category & i don't have any preference. i often wish i had some way to label myself but i am just. all over the place. <3
Is stem a category lol? I'm femme but I'm usually attracted to people in the middle of the femme and butch spectrum.
I’m femme but generally am more attracted to androgynous or slightly more feminine of centre women rather than butch or femme necessarily.
Lmao I just like attractive women
I'm femme, I think? Maybe more center of the road leaning towards femme since I have long hair and tend to dress more feminine but I do wear men's clothes sometimes. It's hard to answer this question since it is so dependent on the person. I have dated butch women and I have dated more femme women. I think in terms of online dating, I tend to lean towards femme women but if I met a butch woman I clicked with I wouldn't say pass because they aren't my "type". I have sort of have an alpha personality, so someone who can go toe to toe with me matters more than their hairstyle or attire.
Oh God, I don't even know how I present. Some days I like to dress up, and other days I could wear a potato sack and be happy. I just like my clothes to be comfortable. As for partner preference, don't really have any. I'll know here when I see her.
I’m femme and definitely more attracted to butches. I can be attracted to femmes, but I’m much more apt to crush on butches. They’re just so handsome and the whole vibe they have going on gets me every time.
Butch that swoons over soft butches. But I don’t have any dealbreakers over presentation.
Hehehe I usually appear femme and am usually attracted to other femmes but my gf is more tomboyish, I find that my relationship with femmes tend to be primarily sexual in nature while my relationships with tomboys/soft studs are more serious.
I'm a lesbian who is attracted to other lesbians.
I've never understood this 'presenting' stuff. Makes no difference.
When I hear "presenting" I immediately think about larping
It's just lesbians performing het gender roles. Always found it repulsive.
Chapstick femme. I like all kinds of women, but I'm primarily attracted to other chapsticks/tomboy femmes/stemmes.
I guess chapstick into every type lmao
Femme and primarily attracted to tomboys and butches. I have been attracted to fairly femenine women too but they always have at least a bit of a tomboy energy about them lol
Dang, I was sure butches were outnumbered here but not this much. 👀 I'm sure most members fall somewhere in between though. There's no true butches anymore.
That is a weird thing to say. What is a true butch? I know I am for sure a butch in every sense of the word. There aren’t many of us, true, but to call us extinct is hurtful.
Well then you're a true butch. IDK dude, there's no way to have these discussions without people policing. All I was trying to do here is not be tr*nsphobic and support my butch sisters but ofc people took it as a personal attack.
I feel like if a woman is attractive it isn’t going to matter to me whether she has short v long hair, masc or femme clothing. I simply don’t care. You’re either hot or not.
Where’s the butch love! Y’all are crazy.
I'm bitch and historically I'm attracted to more femme presenting women but... If I cute bitch sweeps me off my feet I won't be mad 🤷
I think that autocorrect did a drive-by on your post...🤕🙄
I am sort of a tomboy femme (kind of like Ellen Page, only older) who is attracted to femmes (but not the extreme fake Barbie doll type of femmes).
I feel attacked!!/s
😂😂😂
High five fellow tomboys!
Butch4Butch. I was surprised to see 25
I'm not sure what "presenting" means...It makes me think of putting on an act. I can't vote for some reason but butch 4 butch is my answer.
Butch4butch 💘
All these other femmes lusting over femmes... more butches for me 😄
Stem for Studs here 😌
Relatively low maintenance femme pretty much exclusively attracted to butches.
I’m chapstick and attracted to chapstick/athletic women.
I think I still don't get where is the thin line between femme and chapstick
It's interesting. I used to think that femmes preferred other butches, but I've been learning that femmes are more overwhelming attracted to their fellow femmes.
I'm a femme who prefers butches. I'm also attracted to femme-presenting women with dominant, 'aggressive' personalities.
Personally, I'm very observant and tend to notice both the subtle and major differences in people and their behaviors, so I can't help but be drawn to certain aesthetics.
Actually I think you were correct a few years ago. I was a femme for butches exclusively, and there were a lot of us! However, I think a lot of us are just worried they’ll go trans on us. So we don’t go there to protect our hearts.
This doesn't make me feel any less discriminated against than by straight homophobes who harass me over my appearance. In fact, it's worse. Can't blame you though, sucks for me.
I’m not dating anymore but when I was, I still dated butch women as well as opening up to femmes and stems. I’m was just more cautious about it. Basically I asked a lot of questions, and look for red flags like pronouns not being sexed, binding, and lots of queer talk. Stuff like that...
I figure that's easy to spot? It just sounded like you meant that someone like me, who makes no indication of wanting to transition, should be avoided just because I present masculine.
Sorry, that’s not what I meant. I was trying to get across that I was butch exclusive, then I opened up to stems and femmes when I couldn’t find butch women that didn’t have red flags or were stone.
This is an actual concern. It’s actually one of the reasons I have begun to feel uneasy with anyone doing extreme “masculine“ or “feminine” stuff. After I know someone it’s different, but I really have learned to approach with caution when I don’t know where the motivation to adhere so strongly to a certain category comes from.
I have quite a few femme friends, and they all opened up to dating more than just butch women for the same reason, and also the stone thing is a real problem for us. I was the last hold out.
Stone is something I couldn’t cope with either. Not that I think it’s wrong. I just need to be able to touch, and wouldn’t want to make a partner feel bad about them not wanting that type of touch.
What do you mean by extreme? I'm almost completely masculine but I don't go around constantly talking about it and making it my whole personality. I have some feminine traits that I proudly display.
This whole thing is making me feel like I'm not wanted anywhere.
Don’t take it personally. Many of the women around me ended up transitioning. Some of them had a lot of heartache with their lesbian partners over it. I saw that happen a lot. Now when I meet lesbians who are extremely “masculine” or extremely “feminine” and intense about it in certain ways, I approach with caution. It’s not about you as a person. It’s about what I have seen and experienced in the community I live in.
I would definitely say I'm not intense about it at all. I guess I'm just worried that just the sight of me will become an unwelcome presence in lesbian spaces. It wouldn't be new for me to worry about the worst case scenario. I even have people look at me when I'm just out at the store like I am disgusting, in LGBT groups I would probably be asked for pronouns and suspected of tr*nsphobia if I say consistent with my sex, and now even other lesbians may be too concerned to consider dating me?
I'm going to go fill the bathtub.
This is so true :( all of my ex girlfriends either identified as trans before we started dating, while we dated, or after we broke up. I’m hesitant to approach any seemingly butch women out of fear that I’ll be wrong and accidentally flirt with another trans guy.
Glad to see so many femme leaning women who are attracted to other femme leaning women. It always feels like there's so many more /femme matches than femme/femme or butch/butch pairs.
Now if only one (or a few 😉) of you beautiful ladies in/around Sacramento would hit me up 😅😚
Butch is beautiful!
Bruh I don’t even know I just look like a default mii character 😔 gnc women in general are super pretty to me
This description made me laugh, I love it.
I am in the majority 😄