/r/CompHet is back up and running!

Submitted July 7, 2020, 10:35 a.m. by hancocklovedthat

About a month or two ago, I had asked in a post as to whether or not the subreddit /r/comphet was dead... after a lot of consideration and support, and finally getting my request instated, I have become the new moderator!

I don't know if this type of post is necessarily allowed, but a lot of my support came from y'all out this way, so I thought I would go ahead and share the good news!

yoyodontgo · July 9, 2020, 9:12 a.m. · 1 reply

Not everyone is the same or has the same upbringing.

I've never slept with men as self-harm (honestly wtf?), but I've been with 2 men. I had a religious upbringing and tried dating those men when I was 18/19 (one relationship lasted less than a year, the other was 3ish months because I just couldn't do it anymore).

But somehow I managed not to sleep with a man. It wasn’t hard.

Depends on the person. For me, I tried it because I desperately wanted to be bisexual because of how religious I and my family was. I essentially attempted conversion therapy on myself, like obviously I couldn't stop the attraction towards women, but maybe I can "learn" to like men. Didn't work obviously.

I first noticed I liked women when I was like 6. But again, religious. So I used to cry and feel guilty about it as a child/young teen (I'm 26 now for reference). I tried for years to not like women, and when I realized that clearly wouldn't happen, I figured I could just be bi and stick to men, but acknowledge that I like women "too".

Family acceptance is a huge one depending on your culture. My dad passed away before I came out. My mom has literally never cared, but I actually asked her a year or so ago if she thinks my dad would've accepted me. She said she doesn't know but that it wouldn't have affected how she feels. Obviously I'll never know, but me and my dad were extremely close and even I can't guess how he might've reacted. Had he not passed away, I might've continued trying to be with men just so I could continue having the same close relationship with my dad.

Not to mention the black community in which I'm a part of is pretty homophobic and has only started getting better within the past few years. We're still not there yet. That influences choices.

Nobody is literally putting a gun to women’s head and forcing them to sleep with some dude so I don’t get how all these « comphet lesbians » can’t just say they’re not ready to date/are focusing on their studies.

Because if you're actually trying to convince yourself you're not a lesbian or force yourself to be straight, you might try at least dating a man (not sex, but a relationship). Also keep in mind that some people are from countries that don't even believe homosexual people exist. Or they're from the US like I am, but from some close-minded backwards ass rural town in the south (thankfully I'm not lol).

In those cases, that lesbian might simply think something's wrong with her. Because "same sex attraction doesn't exist" or "it's the devil testing you, don't give in to Satan."

I know two women who claim to be lesbians and they have both fucked almost 30 men!

Yeah... they're bi lol.

Anyway, even though I can't relate to half of those made up scenarios, I don't understand why people find it so hard to understand that people have different thought processes, cultures, upbringings, and beliefs?????? It's not that black and white.

spirette · July 10, 2020, 4:52 a.m.

The « comphet lesbians » I was referring to are the ones who have slept with tons of men, who often were married and had kids for a decade and suddenly they « discover » they are gay.

They are obviously either bisexual (best case scenario) or just straight but bitter with men.

I wasn’t talking about religious women who try to date one or two guys then give up.

And yes thank you, I know we all have different upbringings and experiences.

Still there is a lot or bullshit about comphet and

I am tired of the narrative that lesbians always have to sleep with some dude before discovering they are gay.

It’s all over pop culture.