My ex wife is a man now...

Submitted July 9, 2020, 11:34 p.m. by Slytherintensity

So we've been separated for several years and both moved on and shit but I need to just vent for two seconds to anyone who will listen and maybe not bitch at me about pronouns or trans rights. This is a 3 year outburst in the making please be kind

..

My ex wife is now a man. She was always trans, but she had pretty severe mental health issues and the doctors said that hormone therapy would only make it worse. 15 years and one baby later.... I decide to try to support her decision to hormonally transition... We were divorced less than a year later. Was it the only reason? Hell no. Was there blame on my side, hell yes. But the whole time my marriage was falling apart and I was losing my best friend I was ALSO watching my best friend turn into a stranger. This... Man... Took my wife's body and mind and everything and it's just gone.

We aren't in contact, he bailed on our kid... It ended badly.... But I looked at some pictures of him tonight and its like a fucking golem made of the clay of my dead wife. I hope he's happy but I feel like he murdered her. I carry her name on me still in tattoo. I always will. Cause the person I fought with and fucked with and lived with and made a baby with is dead and he's happier for it.

I'm melodramatic and sobbing right now for old hurts. I'm honestly in a better relationship now and healthier. My ex wife and I were both damaged children who couldn't learn to help ourselves. Now I'm a partner and a mother and overall happier. I just need to vent.

9 comments recovered from the Pushshift database.
warmblueberryoatmeal · July 10, 2020, 12:29 a.m.

I hear you. I'm so so sorry you are going through this emotional pain. I hope you can continue to move forward, and that you allow yourself to mourn and grieve the relationship and your ex wife's formal self. All of your feeling are valid.

It sounds like you put so much work into that relationship. You deserved better

WildwoodFlowerPower · July 10, 2020, 1:22 a.m.

I am so sorry for your loss. I've read blog posts from "trans widows" (straight women who thought they were married to straight men until their husbands revealed they were trans) and many of them also described their spouse's transition as a death. It was also hard for them to find a space where they could talk about it. So go ahead and vent, if you need to do it again.

lmaonope333 · July 10, 2020, 1:38 a.m.

I'm sorry

Zestyclose-Trust · July 10, 2020, 6:33 a.m.

aw, so happy you are now in a healthier relationship, you deserve it. It takes a lifetime to shake the damage suffered as a child. Venting is good! Wishing you all the best.

b33fdove · July 10, 2020, 7:14 a.m. · 1 reply

Both my long term ex's live as men now. The first one that's why we broke up. The more recent one I discovered transitioned shortly after breaking up. I'm a butch who only dates other butch women, but neither of these ex's acted like anything other than lesbians. It makes me sad. It's also weird to say I have 2 ex boyfriends.

I kind of freaked my current girlfriend out early on with all my questions about if she thinks she's a man lol. Strange and sad thing to have to worry about.

VegetableDisaster3 · July 10, 2020, 9:22 a.m.

Yeah, I do the same thing. I was engaged to someone who decided they wanted to transition and it ended pretty quickly after that. The thing is, she wasn't even butch, def more femme leaning. So it's just made me kind of paranoid since I thought I really knew her and I guess I didn't. So I also ask those types of questions to try and get a read on the situation when I'm dating.

vanner11 · July 10, 2020, 8:30 a.m.

It sucks about your ex wife, but if it's any comfort, this happens in lots of long term relationships. People change over the years. Sometimes it's a gender transition, sometimes it's cheating on a spouse, sometimes it's just loosing the feeling of love in the relationship. Whatever the cause, it's safe to say it has nothing to do with you or your value as a partner. Our time with our loved ones is precious and should always be cherished for this very reason. You never know when or how you may end up loosing someone you love. But loss is part of love and it sounds like you've learned how to move on from this to find new love, which is the most important part.

TheWombMan · July 10, 2020, 10:08 a.m.

The "golem" part broke my heart...sorry this happened to you

weirdcuteweird · July 10, 2020, 11:05 a.m.

It’s worth mourning.

It’s a love lost.

A loved one lost.

It warrants mourning and grief.